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How many men and women prepare themselves to live as a couple, as a family?

Some think about it, others are already committed to it. We hear of stories... and one is sometimes moved by the expectations and hopes of some, and sometimes saddened by the painful life experiences of others. Perhaps you are also, sisters and brothers, preparing yourselves to engage in this life experience of marriage, known as half of your faith. Or perhaps you have already started sharing your life with someone. In this, your expectations, thank God, were more than met but sometimes doubts have emerged. This... is not what you had expected.

Islam gave us detailed instructions that identify rights, responsibilities and characters of both husband and wife to build their relationship on mutual love, respect, and mercy. Here are the most important tips that lead to a successful and happy marriage.

1. Faith: Common faith binds the couple strongly. Since Islam is a way of life, it becomes an integral part of a Muslim's life. Couples with strong faith will share the same values and the frame of reference and communicate smoothly and effectively. Faith plays an essential role in developing a loving relationship.

Before we continue let’s first sincerely ponder over the following hadeeth (Prophetic Narration):

Jabir reported that Allaah's Messenger (sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

"Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: ‘I did so and so.’ And he says: ‘You have done nothing.’ Then one amongst them comes and says: ‘I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife’. The Satan goes near him and says: 'You have done well.’”

Islam is a very strong advocate of marriage. We view marriage as the foundation of society, family, and life because through marriage, families are established. Furthermore, the families are the fundamental unit of our society. In the Qur’an and the Sunnah, marriage is the only Halal and legitimate way in indulging in intimacy with another spouse. Allah calls marriage {a strong covenant.}

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says in Surah Rum: {And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.}

The Muslim woman makes herself beautiful for her husband by means of make-up, clothing, etc., so that she will appear more beautiful and attractive, and thus make her husband happy. This was the practice of the righteous women of the salaf [the righteous from the first three generations], who used to devote their time to worshipping Allah and reading Qur’aan. Foremost among them were ‘A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) and others; they used to wear fine clothes and jewelry at home and when they were traveling, in order to make themselves look beautiful for their husbands.

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you.

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.

The blessed Prophet (saw) said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of provision in this world is the pious woman."

In Islaam, the wife plays a pivotal role in married life and her role necessitates that she possess certain qualities, thus making her a good wife. Her thoughts, speech, actions and inclinations are all for the sake of gaining the pleasure of Allaah (swt), the Lord of the Universe. When a wife seeks to please her husband, ultimately it is the pleasure of Allaah (swt) that she wishes to seek. The qualities that a wife should possess, which are liked by her Creator have been outlined in Soorah al-Ahzaab.

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquillity, contentment and comfort in the company of the other.

It is obligatory on you O Muslim woman to obey your husband in matters of good. Abu Hurairah reported that Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily) prayers and keeps her private parts chaste and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of the doors of Paradise she wishes.” [Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh]

This discussion of the intellectual, psychological and other qualities of the smart Muslim wife demonstrates that she is a successful wife, if not the most successful wife and the greatest blessing and good fortune that a man may enjoy.

By virtue of her understanding of Islamic teaching, and her fulfilling her duties towards her husband, she becomes the greatest joy of her husband’s life: when he comes home, she greets him with a warm and friendly smile, speaking kindly and sweetly, looking attractive and smart, with a clean and tidy house, pleasant conversation, and a table full of good food, pleasing him and making him happy.

Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…

Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:

One of the ways in which a woman may endear herself to her husband is by sharing his joys and sorrows. So she joins him in some of his pastimes, and his daily work, such as reading, exercise, and attending useful talks and gatherings, and so on, so that her husband will feel that he is not alone in his enjoyment of the good things in life, but that he is sharing these pleasures with a loving, intelligent and loyal wife.

The fact that the Prophet (saws) raced with ‘A’ishah more than once indicates the fact that Islam urges both spou ses to share their partner’s joy and happiness in life, because this sharing will have a powerful effect in deepening their feelings for one another and strengthening the bonds between them.

The following article below is a transcribed interview conducted with Umm ‘Abdullah, the wife of Shaykh ibn Uthaymeen. It’s a great question and answer session because you get an inside look into everyday greatness. Insha’Allah, we can benefit from the Shaykh’s example as well as his wife’s, who is to be immensely respect for seeing her role throughout the discussion as one who helped the Shaykh in seeking and propagating knowledge. One can also see the amazing respect and love she had for her husband.

Sisters whose husbands are into da'wah and teaching are advised to read this interview.

The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.

An important characteristic of the intelligent Muslim woman is that she does not describe any of her (female) friends or acquaintances to him, because this is forbidden according to the words of the Prophet (saws):

1- Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting.

* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

One of the most rewarding things in this life is a happy marriage. Achieving the right marital balance takes a lot of hard work and commitment from both the husband and wife. As a Muslim wife, you can reap innumerable benefits by actively cultivating bliss in your marriage. The first benefit is that you will please Allah. Secondly, you will find a more loving and attentive audience with your spouse. There are several ways that you as a wife can create bliss in your marriage:

One of the qualities of the good Muslim wife is that she helps her husband to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) in different ways, especially to stay up and pray at night (qiyaam al-layl). By doing this, she does him an immense favor, because she reminds him to do something he might otherwise forget or neglect. Thus she causes him, and herself, to be covered by the mercy of Allah.

Marital love in Islam inculcates the following:

Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other is for the sake of Allah that is to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.

It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability (to sustain materially is the husbands duty, however if the wife wishes she can also contribute)

Another way in which the true Muslim woman supports her husband is by encouraging him to spend and give charity for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and not to waste money in extravagance and ostentatious purchases, as we see so many ignorant and misguided women doing.

The alert Muslim woman always wants goodness and success for her husband, so she urges him to do good deeds, and to do more of them, because she believes  that by doing this, she will increase her honour in this world and her reward in the next.

Allah (Subhanhu wa Ta'ala) says: "O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins…" [Qur'an 49: 12]

It is easy to forget how our actions and manners can have a tremendous impact on our spouses and loved ones, and also how many times our mind wandering suspiciousness can play a very negative role in our relationships.

Fatimah, a young woman of 31 years old, thrived on learning. She had attended college for three years after graduating from high school, but was unable to complete her last year due to financial constraints. However, she was finally able to finish her remaining credits over the past three years by taking a couple of classes at a time through a university that offered online classes.

The Muslim woman does not only make herself beautiful for her husband and share his work and pastimes, but she also tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity in the home. So she tries to keep a clean and tidy home, in which he will see order and good taste, and clean, well-mannered, polite children, and where good meals are prepared regularly. The clever woman also does whatever else she can based on her knowledge and good taste.  All of this is part of being a good Muslim wife as enjoined by Islam.

The Muslim woman is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors on the part of her husband. She does not bear a grudge against him for such errors or remind him about them every so often. There is no quality that will endear her to her husband like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and there is nothing that will turn her husband against her like resentment, counting faults and reminding him about his mistakes.

In the West women dress with looks to kill outside the home and save the sweats and t-shirts for inside. Most women will look very beautiful while going outside of the house, but look like a slob inside the house.

The one of them spends at least an hour taking a shower in the morning, putting on makeup, fixing her hair, and making sure she will look snazzy and smell pleasant when she steps out the door.

One of the ways in which the Muslim woman makes herself attractive to her husband is by being happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle, thus flooding her husband’s life with joy. When he comes home exhausted from his work, she greets him with a smiling face and kind words.

She puts her own concerns to one side for a while, and helps him to forget some of his worries. She appears as cheerful and serene as she can, and expresses her gratitude to him every time he does something good for her.

When I started looking for a wife, my only intention was to find a Muslim woman who could help me become a better Muslim. After praying to Allah many times, I came to know that a Muslim brother in my area had an unwed sister. I was told that she was 7 years older than I was, had no college education, and had minor health problems. Despite this, I arranged for a meeting to discuss the possibility of marriage.

When I met her, I was impressed by her modesty (she wore a real hijab that covered everything but her face). She was not attractive, nor was she rich. However, at the conclusion of our meeting, I felt comfortable with the fact that she was what I was looking for. After praying Istikhaarah, I felt confident that she was right for me. Our nikaah was performed only a few weeks later.

The true Muslim woman avoids looking at men other than her husband; she does not stare at men who are not related to her (i.e. who are not her mahrams), in obedience to the command of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa):

One of the laws that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has decreed for this life is that men and women should work together to cultivate and populate the earth and run the affairs of life therein. Man cannot do without woman, and vice versa. Hence the laws of Islam teach men and women to co-operate in all matters. Islam encourages a man to help his wife, as much as he is able; the Prophet (saws), who is the example for all Muslims, used to help and serve his family until he went out to pray, as the Mother of the Believers ‘A’ishah said.

The clever and sensitive Muslim woman does not forget that one of the greatest deeds she can do in life, after worshipping Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), is to be successful in endearing herself to her husband and filling his heart with joy, so that he will feel in the depths of his heart that he is happy to be married to her, and enjoys living with her and being in her company.

So she uses her intelligence to find ways and means of opening his heart and filling it with joy and happiness, so that she may become the queen of his heart. She understands that she is the greatest joy of a man in this world, as is stated in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (RAA), in which the Prophet (saws) said:

The chaste Muslim woman does not disclose her husband’s secrets, and does not talk to anyone about whatever secrets and other matters there may be between him and her. The serious Muslim woman is above that; she would never sink to the level of such cheap and shameless talk as goes on amongst the lowest type of people. Her time is too precious to be wasted in such vulgar behavior. She would never accept for herself to be counted as one of those people whom the Prophet (saws) described as one of the worst types:

Among the most prominent characteristics of the Muslim woman are her strength of character, mature way of thinking, and serious conduct. These are qualities which the Muslim woman possesses both before and after marriage, because they are the result of her understanding of Islam and her awareness of her mission in life.

She exhibits this strength of character when she is choosing a husband. She does not give way to her father’s whims if he has deviated from the right way and is seeking to force her into a marriage that she does not want. Neither does she give in to the man who comes to seek her hand in marriage, no matter how rich or powerful he may be, if he does not have the qualities of a true Muslim husband.

10. Use your 'Fitnah' to win the heart of your husband
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah - Azza wa Jal - has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom - what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.