1st Home

"I got two A's," the small boy said,
His voice was filled with glee.
His Father very bluntly asked,
"Why didn't you get three A's?"

"Mom, I've done the dishes,"
The girl called from the door.
Her Mother very sarcastically asked,
"Did you sweep the floor?"

"I mowed the grass," the teenage boy said,
"And put the mower away."
His Father asked him with a shrug.
"Did you clean the car too?"

The children in the house next door seemed happy and content. The same thing happened over there, but this is how it went:

2nd Home

"I got two A's," the small boy said,
His voice was filled with glee.
His Father proudly said,
"That's terrific! I'm glad you belong to me."

"Mom, I've got the dishes done,"
The girl called from the door.
Her Mother smiled and softly said,
"Maashaa'Allah - each day I love you more."

"I mowed the grass," the teenage boy said,
"And put the mower away."
His father answered with much joy.
"Thanks for doing a great job, Son."


Home1Children deserve to be shown appreciation and praise for the task they are asked to do. If they are to lead a secure, well-adjusted and happy life, so much depends on how we as parents treat them. At the age of two, a child starts to form their attitude towards the world around them.

Some developmental psychologists think that the sense of self-confidence is one of the first of these attitudes and the strength of these feelings at age two depends on the kind of care that the child receives and on the parents’ attitude in meeting their basic needs. At this stage the child shows signs of development by showing a desire for independence, as they need the freedom to speak, walk and play. All of that is connected to the need to assert themselves which can only be achieved by allowing them a measure of independence. This is confirmed by the theory of development through maturity which says that we should respect the child’s individuality and leave him or her to develop naturally.

Some boys and girls grow up lacking self-confidence so that they cannot rely upon themselves in any matter, major or minor. They rarely take any initiative and are always waiting for someone to say, “Do such and such.” If faced with a problem, such a child will be unable to take any decision and may try to avoid confronting the problem, or start crying. This is partly the parents’ fault, and it may be for a number of reasons, such as:

Negative Effects Resulting From a Lack of Self-Confidence

Lack of self-confidence has many negative effects on the child, such as:

1- They will not be able to do anything independently, and if they are asked to bring something and find that it differs from the description given, the child will be hesitant; if they are faced with a problem they will be unable to take a decision.

2- They may become dull-witted and uncreative.

3- They will start to complain and feel unhappy whenever anything is asked of him or her, because they think that they will be blamed for whatever they do and that they will not be able to do it in the manner required.

4- They will become weak-willed and will have no resolve, and feel meek and apathetic in situations where such attitudes are not appropriate, and will become neglectful and disorganized.

5- They will suffer anxiety and frustration, and will develop a hostile attitude or a tendency to become introverted and withdrawn.

How to Develop a Child's Confidence

In order to avoid these negative effects on the child, parents should use a number of ways to develop the child’s self-confidence. Some examples follow, although this is not a complete list:

mumlov1They should draw up some general guidelines to follow by telling them what Allaah has made permissible, which they may do, and what He has forbidden, which they must avoid. Parents should make them aware of noble attributes and good manners, and instill in them a dislike for bad manners, deeds and words, and the need to steer clear of trivial matters. Then after that they should give their child some freedom to act on their own initiative.

The mother should assign her child some tasks that they are able to do. If they make a mistake the mother should praise them for their initiative and encourage her child, then tell them what they should have done. Sometimes the mother should just praise them  for their efforts, then complete the work in a gentle manner, without telling them directly. If the task is not something that the child is able to do, then the mother may do it and consult the child and ask for their opinion, and let the child state what they think is good and is not, so that the child will realize that everyone is vulnerable to making mistakes but also gets things right sometimes. This will strengthen their resolve.

The parents should try to praise the child in front of her relatives and friends, and give them rewards commensurate with their efforts. They should praise them for the acts of worship that they do, such as praying regularly, memorizing Qur’aan, doing well in their studies, having a good attitude, and so on.

They could give them a nickname that will distinguish them from others, but they should not allow anyone to call the child by a bad nickname. If the child makes them angry they should call them by their real name, so that they will realize that they have fallen short in their duty to one or both of them, or that they have wronged somebody, so that the child will realize their error.

*Strengthening their confidence in dealing with other people. This may be done by getting them to do housework, obeying the parents’ commands, and letting them sit with the adults and get together with other youngsters.

*Strengthening their confidence in gaining knowledge, by teaching them the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and his Seerah (Biography), so that the child will grow up having acquired abundant knowledge in childhood, so that s/he will have a sense of confidence in the knowledge that they have, because they will have gained the basic principles of true knowledge, far removed from myths and legends.

May Alalpenglowlah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) bless us with guidance and wisdom to encourage and increase those thoughts and actions of our children which are good and correct from those which are incorrect, as our children are the men and women of tomorrow. It is for this reason that parents must be encouraged to give our children due consideration and direction to which is good and correct by being model examples themselves for their children.

Mothers, fathers, teachers, and the society as a whole, will all be accountable in front of Allaah regarding the tarbiyyah (education and upbringing) of this generation. If its tarbiyah is good, then there will be happiness, both in this world and the Hereafter. If it is not, then there will be misery, and it will be a rope around your necks - since there occurs in the hadeeth, “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned about those who you are responsible for.” (Related by al-Bukhaaree (13/111) and Muslim (no. 1829)


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