leavesgreenwaterOne of the most rewarding things in this life is a happy marriage. Achieving the right marital balance takes a lot of hard work and commitment from both the husband and wife. As a Muslim wife, you can reap innumerable benefits by actively cultivating bliss in your marriage. The first benefit is that you will please Allah. Secondly, you will find a more loving and attentive audience with your spouse. There are several ways that you as a wife can create bliss in your marriage:

Prioritize- Put your marriage first above all other things (other than the deen). By doing so, you will find that other parts of your life will be easier to put in place. Marriage serves as a foundation from which we can draw strength and it makes other life goals easier to achieve.

“Learn about Islaam so you know what your obligation and duties are as a wife and also which rights your husband owes you,”

advises Umm Yusuf Sulaiman who is a stay-at-home mom to two boys in South Carolina.

Focus on the Good- It’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of a marriage especially when daily life can be so stressful. Try to focus on the positive,

“Be content with living within your means, don't berate your husband and complain about what other women have,”

says Umm Yusuf Sulaiman.

“And don't constantly complain about the small things he does wrong. Look for his good points.”

By focusing on the good points you will be more content with the man you married, which in turn will make him more content with you!

Be Kind - Kindness is one of the most precious gifts that a human being can give to another. 'Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet Muhammad (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Whenever kindness is in a thing it adorns it, and whenever it is removed from anything, it disfigures it." {footnote}Muslim{/footnote}

Being kind to your husband can work wonders for any marriage. And best of all, it’s contagious! Make a list of things you can do to show your own husband how much you care about him.

“I look into my husband’s likes and do them as best I can,”

says Halimah Bint David who is an author and mother of three in Virginia.

“I think it is best to find five or so things that your husband really enjoys and work to make yourself indispensable to him by doing them daily if possible as your routine.”

Halimah also recommends investigating your husband’s cultural background to find ways to please him.

“My husband is Cambodian and is a very big rice eater so I make sure I have lots of freshly cooked rice for him when he comes home,”

says Halimah.

“Also he is older and works physically so I massage him daily if possible.”

Halimah also always makes sure the house is clean and that the kids are in order before her husband comes home. There are so many ways you can use kindness as a tool to keep your marriage going strong. Get advice from other sisters and even use the Internet to keep your acts of kindness interesting and not mundane.

Show Appreciation- Husbands do carry a significant weight on their shoulders in terms of financially supporting their families. It is of paramount importance that you show your gratitude for all his efforts. He who does not thank the people, does not thank Allah as Halimah says,

“I do my best to thank my husband as much as possible whenever he gives any type of charity to me or the family or when he does something nice for me.”

Instill the values of gratefulness in your children and insist that they show gratitude to their father for even the minutest things. The appreciation your husband receives will let him know that all his efforts are seen and not falling by the wayside. The cycle of appreciation will continue in that your husband will be grateful for your admiration!

Redefine Your Marital Needs- Before you even got married, you should have set down clear expectations for you marriage with your Wali (guardian) who in turn would have talked with your prospective spouse. However, it is never too late to define, or redefine for that matter, your marital needs.

“Shared goals and values are of the utmost importance,”

says Malak Muhammad, who is a wife, mother and systems engineer from Morocco. Communication is the key to finding bliss in your marriage. If you are not happy in the marriage or are troubled by aspects of it, sit down with your spouse and talk about it. If need be, contact your Wali to act as a mediator to help resolve any outstanding issues. There is absolutely no reason why you should be an inactive or passive participant in your marriage. Grab your marriage by the ‘horns’ and exhaust all measures to ensure it succeeds.

Keep the Romance Alive- Marital romance, typically, is not the same romance as seen on TV or in the movies. In marriage, romance is quieter and sometimes hard to suss out.

“Have a realistic idea of what marriage and relationships are about,”

advises Malak Muhammad.

“Real love, true and lasting love is BUILT, developed over time and remains due to mutual respect.”

It is hard work keeping a marriage running let alone incorporating romance into the mix, but it is possible. So, your husband is not exactly ‘Prince Charming’ in a Dishdasha? Set the example by initiating acts of romance first. In time, he will learn from your example what romance is all about. And don’t be shy to tell him what things you would like for him to do to be more romantic. If you want a card or a poem every few months, tell him! You only get what you ask for.

Stop, Look and Listen- Daily life can be a veritable whirlwind of activities ranging from dropping the kids off to school, running errands, housework and a thousand other little tasks. In the endless blur of living, your marriage pays the price in that it is the last thing on the list to be cared for. Stop the insanity. Look for what areas of your marriage need work.

Listen to your spouse’s complaints about your marriage and take stock of your own complaints. Make time to fix the broken areas of your union to ensure it will stand the test of time. The Prophet Muhammad (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "The relationship between one faithful believer and another is like the bricks of a wall, re-enforcing each other." While (saying that) the Prophet clasped his hands (together) by interlacing his fingers.”{footnote}al-Bukhari{/footnote}

Keeping An Eye On Anger- In any marriage, regardless of which spouse has more of a temper, anger represents fire. It can ‘burn’ your entire home and marriage right down to the ground.

“It is important to realize that every marriage has both good days and bad days. Know that the bad days will pass,”

says Malak.

In the heat of the moment, it is hard to step away from an argument. Especially if your spouse is saying inappropriate things to you and you just want to throw the verbal abuse back.

“Islam encourages us to be mindful of what we say and not to exceed boundaries in our speech.  This keeps us from the irreparable damage of saying things that cannot be taken back,”

says Malak. Represent ‘water’ in your marriage and walk away from each and every argument. Over time, you will find that your spouse will start walking away too, which is best until the anger cools down.

After angry feelings have dissipated, you can both talk about the issue is calm, levelheaded way. This will help you resolve differences peacefully.

Open Your Heart – Marriage truly is the journey of a lifetime. It will bring you great joys as well as a few sorrows along the way. Open your heart to the experience and shower your husband with all of the love in your heart.

“Talk to each other, have fun, and don’t be so serious,”

recommends Candice S. Abdelrahim who is a mom to 3 boys in Delaware.

“Say ‘I love you’ every day, make each day a happy day,”

she adds.

Once your heart is open you can really get to know your spouse and become his best friend.

“We like to have time that is just for us, such as waking early for Fajr and sitting together afterwards to share a coffee,”

says Malak.

“It is important not to let the ‘business’ of our lives edge out time spent together so we can really know one another and really talk as friends.”

It takes two to make any marriage work but by taking the initiative you can start paving a path to complete marital bliss and you can set your husband to work right by your side. Lay the first stone on your path by looking after yourself first.

“Honor yourself.  Take care of yourself physically and pay attention to your appearance,”

summates Malak,

“How can someone else love you if you don’t even look after yourself?”


More articles in As a Wife:

- Entire Category -