holdingagrudge1A real pitfall in life is when we begin to do Dhulm (oppression) to our own selves by over-thinking about an issue, magnifying its worth, allowing it to occupy the intricate elements of our hearts and minds...even though at the back of our minds we may know it's not that big of an issue after all in comparison to the many, many blessings Allaah (s) continues to shower upon us...and in comparison to how the real situation was before it was blown out of proportion and magnified by the mind... all because of overthinking about it.

In fact, it doesn't matter how big the issue is, that grudge and lingering, gnawing, stinging, burdensome pain that burdens within the heart and mind, doesn't deserve more thought than the marvellous creation of Allaah (s): The sky, the trees, the breeze, the falling leaves of autumn, the birds that fly without support, the fish that swim without drowning, the beating of the heart... which leads to the best thought processes a person can ever have, in unison with the beating of the heart: About the Creator, Allaah Almighty Himself.

Yet, the sad thing is we fail to realise that we do indeed have this option; the option of changing thoughts from being negative hungry monsters eating away at our happiness and contentment, to being thoughts that are metaphorically likened to ambassadors in a mission to strengthen our faith and reliance in Allaah (s).

More so, another principle we should bear in mind is that we aren't to combat bad with bad; we aren't to stoop to another's level, as that will be yet another trick of the devil himself. This doesn't mean we can't keep a distance from individuals we don't get along with, within the Islamic parameters by affording the rights a Muslim has over another Muslim. In fact, sometimes just by changing our approach to being less aggressive, abrupt, straightforward and rude, to being a bit more sensible, choosing a better way to phrase the issue, or if need be leaving it aside all together – one will find that peace and dignity will resonate supreme in one's conscious, leaving one free to fly in the remembrance of Allaah (s).

Furthermore, one has to be aware that backbiting and gossiping about such individuals is definitely not the solution and only adds to the problem. What do I mean? What I mean is that your situation will become worse - period. For example, if someone steals your money, that doesn't give you the right to steal his; in fact, both will be persecuted. In the same vein, if someone takes your right, that doesn't mean you now take his right in a cowardly fashion behind his back. An impermissible action doesn't render another impermissible action permissible – if you get my point. And remember sins never bring about contentment, they add to the problem. Rather, it's only the remembrance of Allaah (s) which brings about contentment.

الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ

"Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." [Ar-Ra'd [13]: Verse 28]

Rather, we must keep strong to our principles, live life happily knowing our Lord above watches, He knows our pains, He loves and cares for us, and only He can heal us. At times, as human beings, when we try to resolve such issues using the limited methods at our disposable, we tend to make things more difficult for ourselves and end up hitting our heads hard against a wall. People who have experienced this know what i'm talking about. This is different from seeking advice from another Allaah-fearing individual, and only divulging that which is necessary, without adding bits of unneeded information with the intent of feeling better about oneself by way of having a dig at that person behind their back.

If only we knew...

"Had Allah lifted the veil for His slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of Du'a. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know, that verily Allah does not forget." – Imaam Ibn Al Qayyim.

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