We find that in the Qur'aan Allah, the Glorious, says,
{And He it is Who has created man from water; then He has made for him blood relationship and marriage relationship. And thy Lord is ever Powerful.} [Qur'aan 25:54]
{One of His signs is this: that He has created mates for you from yourselves that you might find tranquility in them, and He has put between you love and compassion. Surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.} [Qur'aan 30:21]
Allah, the Most High, also mentions how marriage was also practised by many of the Prophets who came before the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him),
{And surely We sent Messengers before thee and appointed for them wives and children.} [Qur'aan 33:38]
And in praising the habits of good believers, it reads,
{And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes . . ."} [Qur'aan 25:74]
Advantages
1. Procreation
This is the paramount advantage of marriage; namely, to contribute through legitimate means to the continuity and preservation of the human race. The sexual urge serves the function of bringing the mates together for the fulfilment of this basic objective.
The procreational objective has four aspects:
- To fulfil the will of God;
- To seek the pride of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) on the day of Judgement;
- To benefit from the prayer of the child;
- To profit from its intercession on behalf of its parents.
Almighty Allah, has provided the male with intricate fertilizing organs and the female with a receptive fertile womb. To let them be idle is to ignore the divine wisdom written on these God-given instruments. Imagine a farmer who, although he is given a piece of fertile land, seeds and farming tools, just lets the land go to waste, the seeds rot and tools rust. This farmer not only is a fool, but is to be condemned for his wasteful and harmful indifference.
The prayer of a righteous child is beneficial for the deceased parent. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,
"When the son of Adam dies, nothing would be of any more benefit to him except three things: a continuous charity, some useful knowledge he has left behind and a child who may pray for him."
Should the child die early and the parents accept its loss as the Will of Allah, without despair, it would be like a ticket to Paradise for them. The Prophet, prayers and peace be upon him, is related to have said,
"A child [who dies before reaching puberty] leads the parents to Paradise."
"A child will be brought [on the Day of Judgement] and told, "Get into Paradise." But he will stand reluctantly and angrily at its gate and say, "I am not going to enter Paradise without my parents." It will then be said, "Let his parents enter Paradise with him.""
2. Fulfilment of the Natural Urge
The sexual urge is perhaps the most powerful human inclination. It seems not to be an end in itself, but a means to bring mates together for the purpose of fertilization. Yet its fulfilment is the most enjoyable and absorbing of human experiences. Failure to fulfil this urge is likely to lead either to deviation or to maladjustment. Deviation is dishonourable and is strictly forbidden in Islam. Therefore, the Prophet, peace be upon him, calls upon youth, saying,
"O you young people! Whoever of you can afford to get married, let him do so. Those who cannot afford it, let them practice fasting, as it may be a protection to them [against sin]."
It is believed that the intense pleasure of the climax of the sexual act, though short-lived, has the value of reminding the believers of the more durable and more perfect enjoyment that awaits them in Paradise. The experience should enhance their zeal to comply with divine teachings.
The practice of marriage is the way to remove evil and protect against shameful failure. To try to suppress the sexual urge by other means, such as fasting, can also succeed in preventing the eyes from looking at forbidden scenes and keeping the sexual organs away from committing heinous abominations. But a wife is food for the man and a measure for purifying his heat. Therefore the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, commanded that whenever a man sees a woman and feels attracted to her, he should go and release his urge with his own wife in order to remove the evil thoughts from his mind.
3. A Healthy Relaxation
In marriage there is comfort to the soul, there is beauty to look at, there is company, and there is play, joking and relaxation, all of which relieve the heart from its burdens and make the mind better able to concentrate during prayers and worship. To be always serious and deprive the soul of its joy is boring to the heart and could blind it. Relaxing through the company of the spouse is healthy; and that is why the Qur'an describes the spouse as a source of mutual comfort. It is said that it is wise to divide one's time over three types of activities: worshiping the Lord, self-examination and entertainment of the heart. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, used to say, "Two worldly things are beloved to me - women and perfume. But the light of my eye is in prayers."
4. A Comfortable Home
Marriage, moreover, provides co-operation in the household and greatly relieves one from worries. Spouses cooperate in the management of the house, in its upkeep, in cooking and washing, and so forth. And thus there will be more time for worship and seeking knowledge, and a climate conducive to concentration. It is therefore said that a righteous wife is not a worldly asset only; she is a sure way to success on the Day of Judgement. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,
"If God loves a man, He give him a righteous wife. If he looks at her, she pleases him; when he is with her, she is marvellous company; and when he is away, she observes conscientiously his rights, protecting his property and preserving her honour."
5. Social Importance
Finally, by adding responsibilities upon the individual, marriage enhances his status in society and gives him an opportunity for training in bearing the hardships of life. Living with a spouse, a person of different inclinations and background, trains one in accommodating oneself to new experiences; each party helps the other in the exercise of the virtues of patience and forbearance. The responsibility of rearing children and the need to earn for their living are added meritorious aspect arising from marriage. Listen to the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he said, "A man will be rewarded for what he spends on his wife, even for putting a morsel of food into her mouth. "
Disadvantages
There is no rose without thorns, and marriage is no exception. There is no relationship that modifies the mode of life of the individual or curtails the individual's freedom of action so suddenly or so profoundly as does marriage. Whether husband or wife, each has to take into account the reaction of the other party to whatever he or she may do.
Burdens and Risks
Upon marrying, the husband immediately carries the burden of the responsibility of his wife's welfare; and each birth brings forth more burdens. Sickness and other crises which may occur to his wife or to any of his children will be his own problems, and many of the things he would be able to enjoy by himself may fall outside his reach because of his domestic burden. And thus marriage brings him both hardships and deprivations.
The wife also, in addition to her husband's demands, becomes exposed to the burden of pregnancy, the pangs of birth, child care and the heavy task of nursing her husband and children when they are sick. She has to do the shopping, prepare the daily meals, and wash and clean. She has also to pay regard to her husband's wishes and attitude. And so marriage for her is hard work and a curtailment of her freedom.
Another disadvantage is the risk that marriage may prove to be a failure. If it is completely broken, then that is disastrous; and if it is maintained in spite of continuous troubles, life becomes hell. It is also likely in such a case of mutual tension that the parties behave unjustly to each other; and this will pile up sins for which they will deserve punishment on the Day of Judgement.
Moreover, the husband, in his search to satisfy the insatiable desires of an overambitious wife, or the needs of his children, may resort to corrupt or dishonest means, which would bring ruin to himself in this world and severe punishment in the life to come. The Qur'aan remarks in this respect, {O you who believe, surely of your wives and your children there are enemies to you. So therefore beware of them.} [Qur'aan 64:14]
Even if things proceed smoothly and comfortably in the household, the company of the wife and her attractions may excessively occupy the time and thought of her husband; and she may become too often engaged in amorous activities with him.
Refutation of Disadvantages
These seeming disadvantages may appear to outweigh the disadvantages, however, the burdened spouse is well compensated by the relief from the solitude and boredom of bachelorhood through the company of the other party and the children they both rear. Hardships they may suffer are worthy sacrifices in the interest of society. If everyone should run away from the responsibilities of marriage, mankind would degenerate, decline and ultimately disappear.
Engagement of the mind in the affairs of the household is not alien to the domain of divine worship. After all, the mind needs diversion and cannot easily be occupied in one type of work all the time.
The possibility of resorting to corrupt means to provide for domestic financial needs only arises with unscrupulous persons, married or otherwise; and marriage or need alone does not lead to corruption with conscientious, honest people. Married couples, however, should use their wisdom and manage their affairs within their means. They should not stretch their expenses beyond the income which they legitimately earn.
The possibility of failure in marriage is not a good cause for delay or reluctance. After all, there is a risk in every course of action in life, be it business, study, a journey or any other venture. If uncertainty of success were to debar us from venturing the risk, life would surely become paralysed. It is only in courage and challenge that individuals and nations can aspire to glory. Moreover, if due care is exercised in picking one's spouse, the possibility of failure becomes rather remote, Allah willing.