5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your marriage
When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else's well-being and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions.
Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don't let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.
Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well):
1. Living outside of what you can afford
A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: "The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means."
Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.
Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.
Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you've had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.
2. Constant negativity
You hate your hair, the messes around the house, the neighbor across the street, your dumb co-worker, the old dishwasher, and everything in between. As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that's crossed your mind throughout the day.
Can you imagine having to carry that burden? Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.
If there is one thing I've learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can't help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It's okay to have a bad day once in a while, that's totally understandable, but don't make it a way of life.
3. Putting everything else first
When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant. Imagine having that message sent to you every day for many years. What would that do to your self esteem?
Put your husband first.
Although it sometimes seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive, I think you'd be amazed to find that it's often the key to the greatest happiness in marriage. So many couples get divorced these days, because they neglect to care and love one another and put each other first.
If you choose to put each other first, you will find a lot of joy.
4. Withholding physical affection
Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them.
Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God.
It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.
5. Not speaking his language
Women love to drop hints. (I think it's part of our DNA.) But men just don't get them. (I think that is a part of their DNA.)
Don't waste your time giving subtle hints that he won't understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don't bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what's wrong, don't respond with "nothing" and then expect him to read your mind and emotions. Be open about how you really feel.
More articles in As a Wife:
- 7 Small Things to Keep Your Marriage Alive 21 Jan 2016
- I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married 15 Jul 2014
- 6 Sure Signs of a Healthy Relationship 14 Jul 2014
- 10 Ways to Stay the Hell out of My Office 16 Mar 2014
- Restoring & Maintaining Intimacy in Marriage 23 May 2013
- Marriage: How to Keep it off the Rocks 23 May 2013
- Revealing Secrets, the Primary Adversary in Marital Life 22 May 2013
- Win His Heart: A Psychological and Islamic Approach for Women 22 May 2013
- How to Steal Your Husband's Heart 22 May 2013
- حق الزوج - الشيخ خالد الراشد 23 Feb 2013
- Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married 17 Feb 2013
- Are We in Love with Love? 10 Feb 2013
- Letter to the Unfulfilled Wife 09 Feb 2013
- Being Content In Marriage 30 Jan 2013
- Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage 27 Mar 2012
- How to be a Good Wife? 26 Mar 2012
- Taking Care of Your Husband 25 Mar 2012
- Disrespecting Husband 21 Mar 2012
- Appreciate Your Partner! 14 Jan 2012
- Does Your Husband Make You Happy? 08 Jan 2012
- Conquering "Marriage Boredom": 10 Tips to Spice Up Your Marriage 07 Jan 2012
- Fundamentals of a Happy Marriage 07 Jan 2012
- Tips for a Better Husband and Wife Relationship 07 Jan 2012
- Tips for Muslim Couples Dealing with Marital Disputes 07 Jan 2012
- The First Seven Years: A Marriage Survival Guide 07 Jan 2012
- Muslim Homes: Islamic Family Values In An Anti-Family Society 01 Jan 2012
- Seven Beautiful Characteristics Which Make A Wife Exceptional 12 Dec 2011
- Is Piety the only Beauty? 30 Nov 2011
- The Road to Healing Rifts, inshaa'Allah 17 Sep 2011
- 11 Tips for Muslim Women Facing Marital Disputes 13 Jan 2011
- Dealing with a Husband’s Short-Temper and Mistreatment 28 Sep 2010
- Habits for Success in Your Family 13 Sep 2010
- Making Your Marriage Work, Even Against All Odds 13 Sep 2010
- Half of your Faith 06 Jan 2010
- Islamic Tips to Help Restore and Maintain Intimacy in Marriage 06 Jan 2010
- How to be a Successful Wife 06 Jan 2010
- Mars vs. Venus 02 Jan 2010
- Beautify Yourself for Your Husband 16 Nov 2009
- The Power of Words 16 Nov 2009
- The Role of a Wife in Islaam 16 Nov 2009
- The Strongest of Bonds 16 Nov 2009
- Serving the Husband 15 Nov 2009
- One of the Most Successful Wives 15 Nov 2009
- That Lovin' Feeling 15 Nov 2009
- Be Like Umm Zar': Speak Well of your Husband! 15 Nov 2009
- Sharing Worries 15 Nov 2009
- An Interview with Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen’s Wife 15 Nov 2009
- Increase Happiness in Your Marriage 15 Nov 2009
- Never Describe Other Women to Your Husband 15 Nov 2009
- How to Make Your Husband Happy 15 Nov 2009