Death and the Grave
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Mom’s two-year tooth-and-nail battle with cancer has ended. No matter how tightly I shut my eyes and remember her loving hugs, bright smile, or warm lap, they will not manifest. But if I can learn from this loss, perhaps I can turn grief into something positive, and thereby honor mom’s memory.
Cancer and death have disrupted the calm of my life, creating ripples of change. Change for good. Alhumdulillah.
Death has taught me to live
My picture of life has often felt foggy. What is my purpose? It’s a tough question.
Contrast can create meaning. Take light for example; without darkness, it is meaningless. Subhan’Allah. In the same vein, I think to myself: how can I really live without understanding death?
When mom’s soul left her body and we began the preparations for her burial, I thought about death for the first time. Yes, I’ve heard lectures about the afterlife since I was a child. But, in all honesty, I had never contemplated it. Death was always taboo.
Exploring death has been liberating. It has helped me break the choking fetters of materialism in favor of something divine. It has helped me appreciate my responsibility to myself, family, and community. My picture of life has gained focus. The colors are vibrant, hues are crisp, and lines are clear.
Death is not morbid. In fact, I have never felt so alive.
Motherhood, martyrdom, and my motivation
In 52 years, my mom never received an award for her career. Because, as a stay-at-home mom, she sacrificed her career for us. She never wore high fashion clothes. Because, as part of a working-class family, she saved all of her money for us. She never complained about her circumstances in life. Because, as a compassionate mom, she never wanted to stress us.
My mom didn’t fight in a war, but I believe she was a martyr. At 26, I finally realize that she gave the world for me. Now, I want to be her award. I want to perfect my character, improve my world, and pleasure my God to honor her.
Vincent van Gogh, Edgar Allen Poe, and Johann Bach are part of a long list of artists who were finally celebrated after their death. Their work was ahead of their time. Perhaps, the same is true for the stay-at-home mom, an occupation that has unfortunately lost its luster in our American culture.
Cancer as a sheep in wolf’s clothing
When I realized the extent of mom's cancer, anxiety built in my chest. I saved my tears for God, a sort of ghusl that watered the parched soil of my heart. It softened my being and allowed faith to take root, giving life to a new understanding of patience.
Before Dr. King became Dr. King, he suffered intense depression due to child abuse and the untimely death of his grandmother. Before Einstein became Einstein, he had developmental disabilities and experienced serious poverty. Trauma, in all of its pain, can still have positive results. In fact, our Prophet (PBUH) exemplifies this. Before he was born, his father passed away. At six, his mother passed away. And two years later, his grandfather passed away as well.
In math, an inflection point is the point when a line changes direction. Allah (SWT) promises that each of us will be tested with loss of health, wealth, and life, but glad tidings are reserved for those who patiently persevere through such challenges (2:155). Perhaps these events can serve as an inflection point, catalyzing positive change in our lives. While we have no control over what happens to us, we do have control over our response.
It is difficult to say out loud, but much good has come from cancer. My picture of life has become clearer, providing me with a better sense of purpose. I am motivated to excel in good work to honor my mom. Our family has come together in a way that has never happened before. I have invested into my relationship with Allah (SWT), making him a close friend and confidant.
With so many things to be thankful for, it is difficult to harbor anger towards this disease and its unfortunate result.
A couple of quick asks that I have of you:
- If this reflection has sparked new thoughts, please spend five minutes to share the ideas with family or friends. Insha’Allah any good that results from your ideas will illuminate my mother’s grave.
- Thank your mother and father. Without them, you would not be reading this message today.
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This is final act of Shaykh Abdur-Razzaaq Al-Halabi. He was a teacher of the Qur'aan and its 10 modes of recitation in Syria.
His finger remains pointing to the Words of Allah that he loved, taught & lived- inshaa'Allah.
Ya Allaah! Accept him into Your Mercy, forgive him & raise him high in Jannah.
O Allaah! increase him and do not deprive him, honour him and let him not be disgraced
O Allaah! Grant him for every letter of the Qur'aan, sweetness. For every word, honour. For every Aayah, joy and for every Soorah, Peace.
O Allaah! Admit him to Jannah by virtue of the Qur'aan’s intercession and let each verse be witness for him, O Allaah.
Ya Allaah! Bless me with an end like his after a long life serving Your Book like him!
Aameen!
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- Category: Death and the Grave
29 March 2013
A bride along with her three sisters and a brother died in a tragic car accident in Hafr Al-Batin yesterday.
She was heading to prepare for her wedding night but Allah's destiny was that night to be her first in the grave.
Her wedding dress was in the midst of the dirt and rubble.
Several witnesses said three women and the driver had their index fingers confirming shahadah, while the cell phone of one woman was reciting the Qur'an.
An officer said he heard some of them say the Shahadah.
The very last tweet of the brother before his final journey was a picture of a grave reminding people to prepare for it.
One of the witnesses said every single female's purse he opened had a Qur'an in it.
The Imam of their local Masjid said they were a pious family.
Are we ready to meet Allah in a sudden death (May Allah protect us from harm and tragedy)? If so, will it be righteous death, a good ending with Shahadah and Qur'an?
- Details
- Category: Death and the Grave
Your time is up; your body lies motionless, within a few seconds the angel of death has seized your soul. How can you describe the painful separation your body underwent as the soul was taken out from the body? The many years you lived in the world, your body and soul had become one and you never realised the difference between the two. As the soul was being extracted from your body, every single vein in your body screamed in pain.
You have now come to realise the true impact of the words of the Prophet (sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam) , when he described the evil as well as the disbelieving souls’ reaction towards the angel of death, “…it becomes terrified, and clings to the body; but he extracts it (by force), like a skewer is pulled from wet wool, causing the veins and nerves to burst...” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud and others)
You tried your utmost to cling to this world; yet the angel of death is an obedient slave of Allah, hence he does not leave until he has seized your soul. At that moment the earth, with all its joys and treasures, closed its doors to you forever. You have no choice, you must vacate your presence in this world as your test is over and others have been assigned your space. Your destination awaits you and there is no turning back. The words of th e Almighty (subhanahu wa ta’la) have surely proven to be true,
{And the agony of death comes, in truth; that is what you wished to avoid.} [50:19]
The soul is now traversing the realms above and its destination is towards the Lord of the Worlds. On the other hand, your body has now started its journey towards the loneliness and darkness of the grave.
The word ‘body’ does not accurately describe your state.
You are now a corpse upon whom the process of decomposition has been levied.
*Download the complete PDF (Preparing The Muslimah For The Grave (PDF)) by following the link.
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