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If one of the speakers is a woman then she must be cautious of being soft-spoken. Indeed Allah, the Glorified, prohibited the wives of His Prophet, peace be upon him, the Mother of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, from being spoken to in a seductive manner by the one who is moved with desire. In the time of the prophet, aswell as the lifetime of the Companions, Allah be pleased with them, women were forbidden from being soft spoken, Allah (the Most High) says: {Do not be soft spoken unless the one in whose hear is a disease should be moved with desire but speak in an honorable manner.} (Soorat-ul-Ahzaab: 32)

So what about women besides them? Indeed their prohibition of being soft-spoken is from the most befitting. Therefore fear Allah O believing women! Do not be soft spoken; speak in a good and honorable manner. In other words, with no softness in tone nor with unnecessary prolonged speech. The Muslim woman must not address the men she is not married to freely, as she would address her husband.

The woman must be cautious in engaging in lengthy discussions with men that she is not married to, even if they are her relatives - those relatives that she is not allowed to be alone with according to the Divine Legislation.

She must also be cautious in raising her voice louder than normal and talking for a prolonged period of time and must cautious of showing beautification, gentleness, softness, elegance, and flirtatiousness in a gentle tone and soft spoken manner to a non-mahram.

Just as it is impermissible for her then it is also impermissible for the man to listen to her voice indulgently, even if she was reading the Qur'aan. If the woman perceives that then it is impermissible for her to continue speaking with him due to the trial that it leads to.

And here mention is set aside for the man, the protector of the home, to arrange his affairs based on guarding and upholding virtue and to protect those that are sacred. The woman of the home should not be the first one responsible for answering the phone while the male relatives are present. She should not respond in the presence of their absence under any circumstances, rather, the man of the home should direct her according to the circumstances and necessities he sees fit.

Then it is obligatory for her to hear and obey in honor those in charge of her, protecting what is appropriate of being protected and leaving off any issues of difficulty.

Source: Aadaab-ul-Haatif (The Islamic Manners of Using the Telephone), Pages 15 - 16.

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What is Hayaa’? Hayaa’ itself is derived from the word hayaat which means life. This term covers a large number of concepts. In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, etc. The original meaning of Hayaa’ in accordance with a believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.

Islamically Hayaa’ is an attribute which pushes the believers to avoid anything distasteful or abominable. It keeps them from being neglectful in giving everyone what is due upon them, and if for any reason they are not able to keep up with their commitment then they will feel extremely bad and ashamed about this. The reason being that they will have displeased Allah by breaking a commitment.

Hayaa’ plays a vital role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our eeman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of Hayaa’ in us then it is most likely that our eeman is very weak. For as it states in the following hadeeth (Prophetic Narration), narrated by Abu Huraira (radhiallahu `anhu): The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Hayaa’ (this term "Hayaa’" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self-respect, modesty, bashfulness, scruple, etc.) is a part of faith." (Bukhari)

We also learn from the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) the importance of having Hayaa’ and how it is not something to be ashamed about, rather one should be ashamed if one does not have it.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar (radhiallahu `anhu): The Prophet passed by a man who was admonishing his brother regarding Hayaa’ and was saying, "You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you." On that, Allah's Apostle said, "Leave him, for Hayaa’ is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)

Now the above hadeeth is also a form of proof that "shyness" is not just something related to women but also an attribute that believing men should have, for it is an indication of their fear of Allah and an indication of the value of their deen (faith and religion).

Now we shall discuss the different types of Hayaa’. How many types of Hayaa’ are there?

Hayaa’ is of two kinds: good and bad.

The good Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to commit a crime or do a thing which Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) have forbidden, and bad Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to do a thing, which Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) have ordered us to do.

Firstly, from the good dimensions of Hayaa’ is that a believer feels shy of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allah (a'zza wa jall), with the belief that he will have to answer to all of his deeds. If one develops a sense such as this, it will help the believer to obey all of Allah's commands and to stay away from the sins. Once the believer realizes that Allah (a'zza wa jall) is watching all that we do and say, and that we will be questioned regarding our actions, the believer would then not neglect any order from Allah or His Messenger (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam). So the stronger this sense of Hayaa’ becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allah (a'zza wa jall) doesn't see from one any wrong. The way to develop this Hayaa’ is that one must keep learning and absorbing Islamic knowledge.

Another type of haya’ is that which has more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allah (swt). Normally these things often occur due to one’s relationship with one’s family. For instance a child not wanting to do something displeasing to his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about saying something incorrect in front of his teacher.

Last but not least is the type of Hayaa’ in which the believers become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peak of their eeman (faith). What this means is that if they do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens the believer’s commitment to Allah (a'zza wa jall).

After discussing the various types of "beneficial" hayaa’, it is time to discuss the type of Hayaa’ which is not only against the teachings of our Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) but is also solid proof of the weakness of one's eeman (faith). This negative aspect revolves around a person's shamefulness or shyness of doing something that Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'ala) has ordered us to do through the Qur’aan or our Prophet's (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) Sunnah (Prophetic guidance). This constitutes one being embarrassed and shameful in doing a lawful act or something that is ordered upon us from Allah (a'zza wa jall). This is totally forbidden because then one is giving the people of this world more significance and respect than the One who Created this whole universe and all that it contains. One such example of bad hayaa’ is that which is rampant amongst our sisters in this western society, something which I will now focus on in detail.

One of the most important aspects of hayaa’, for women, is that of guarding their chastity and their modesty. To do this they must follow the order of Allah (a'zza wa jall) which tells them to keep hidden their beauty and adornments from all men unlawful to them in marriage. There are many women in our society who claim that they have believed in Islaam and have hayaa’ but consider the commandments pertaining to veiling as backward. Even though the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) has said, "Indeed hayaa’ (modesty) and eemaan (faith) are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well." (Baihaqi)

There are many verses in the Qur’aan and Prophetic Narrations explaining some of the reasons behind the injunction of hijaab. The Islamic Shar’iah (Islamic sources of law) has therefore also clarified that which relates to the commandment of hijaab and which, with the slightest carelessness, may result in vulgarity and immodesty, in order to close the doors to indecency and lewdness, which in turn provides strength to one’s hayaa’.

Modesty (hayaa’) and maintaining one's honour are of primary importance in preserving the moral fibre of any society. This is why modesty has been called the ornament of a woman, which protects her from many sins and which prevents ill-intentioned men from daring to have evil thoughts about her. This hayaa’ has been made a part of her nature to safeguard her from being abused by immoral men.

Narrated on the authority of Anas bin Malik, the Prophet (saw) said: "When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes defective; and when hayaa’ is a part of anything it becomes beautiful." (Tirmidhi)

So it is only obvious that Hijaab plays an extremely important role with regards to hayaa’. For, Hijaab prevents lewdness and in fact helps one grow in eeman (faith). So both things work together in a partnership. In the time of our beloved Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam), as soon as the verses pertaining to hijaab were revealed, all the believing men ran home to their wives and daughters and close female relatives in order to tell them to cover themselves. The ones who had veils used them and the ones who did not have veils made some straight away! For instance the following hadith tells us:

Narrated by Aisha (radhiallahu `anha),

"May Allah have mercy on the early immigrant women. When the verse "That they should draw their veils over their bosoms" was revealed, they tore their thick outer garments and made veils from them. And when the verse "That they should cast their outer garments over themselves" was revealed, the women of Ansaar came out as if they had crows over their heads by wearing outer garments." (Abu Dawood)

This indicates that all these women wanted to guard their modesty which is why they carried out the orders of Allah. Yet, another verse talks about the level of modesty in Aisha (radhiallahu `anha). Narrated Aisha (radhiallahu `anha):

"I used to enter my house where Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was and take off my (outer) garment, saying that only my husband and my father were there; but when U’mar was buried along with them, I swear by Allah that I did not enter it without having my clothes wrapped round me (i.e. the hijaab, jilbaab and niqaab) owing to modesty regarding U’mar."(at-Tirmidhi and Ahmed)

In truth, hayaa’ is a special characteristic of a Mu'min (believer). People who are ignorant of the teachings of the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) do not concern themselves with hayaa’, bashfulness and shyness. Hayaa’ and eeman are interdependent; therefore either they both exist together or they both perish. Thus, the Prophet (saw) has said in one hadith, "When there is no hayaa’ left, then do as you please."

Today vulgarity and all its ingredients have become commonplace even among Muslims in the zeal of imitating the non-believers. It is these people who have been struggling to bring Muslim women out of Hijaab into immodesty and indecency.

Such people are in a dilemma. On the one hand, they desire to freely look at the half-clad bodies of the wives and daughters of other Muslims on the streets; and on the other hand, they do not have the courage to deny the teachings of the Holy Qur’aan and the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam). Neither can they say they have given up Islam, nor can they bear to see Muslim women wear Hijaab and showing hayaa’. Actually, the fact is, indulging in indecency for so long has killed the sense of modesty (hayaa’) within them, which Islam had commanded them to preserve.

What these men and women do not understand is that if the women do not observe Hijaab and do not develop Hayaa’ inside of them, they will be entertaining those who have taken the path of shaytaan. Such as in the following hadith: Malik b Uhaimir reported that he heard the Prophet (saw) saying that, "Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'ala) will not accept any good deeds or worship of an immodest and vulgar person." We asked, "Who is an immodest and vulgar person?" He replied, "A man whose wife entertains non-mahram men."

Now the word "entertains" implies that she is showing off her beauty instead of keeping herself covered up. If the Muslim brothers of today's society knew the benefits of hayaa’ and hijaab they would definitely not tolerate the opposite. At the time of our beloved Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) the husbands could not even imagine their wives leaving the houses unveiled, let alone go out and beautify themselves for other men! The following hadeeth illustrates this fact clearly:

Narrated by Al-Mughira: Sa'd bin 'Ubada said, "I will not hesitate killing my wife with a sword if I see her with another man." This news reached Allah's Apostle who then said, "You people are astonished at Sa'd's gheerah (self-respect, honour). By Allah, I have more gheerah than he, and Allah has more gheerah than I, and because of Allah's gheerah, He has made unlawful shameful deeds and sins done in open and in secret. And there is none who likes that the people should repent to Him and beg His pardon (more) than Allah, and for this reason He sent the Warners and the Givers of Good News. And there is none who likes to be praised more than Allah does, and for this reason, Allah promised to grant Paradise (to the doers of good)." (Sahih Bukhari)

Sometimes the situation becomes such that people will have done wrong and perpetrated sins for such a long period of time that they are no longer able to differentiate between right and wrong. Therefore, a person's exceeding indulgence in indecency results in the loss of wisdom and the ability to distinguish good deeds from bad deeds. As the Prophet (saw) said:"I have a sense of Honour (a part of hayaa’). Only a person with a darkened heart is deprived of Honour."

There are many merits of Hayaa’, the following are just a few:

Firstly, Allah loves Hayaa’. We know this by the following hadith: "Surely Allah (is One who) has Hayaa’ and is the Protector. He loves Hayaa’ and people who cover each other’s faults." (Bukhari)

Secondly, Hayaa’ itself is a Greatness of Islam, as our Noble Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) indicated: "Every way of life has an innate character. The character of Islam is Hayaa’." Or "Every deen (religion) has an innate character. The character of Islam is modesty (Hayaa’)." (Abu Dawood)

Thirdly, Hayaa’ only brings good and nothing else. Our Prophet (saw) said: "Hayaa’ does not bring anything except good." (Bukhari)

Fourthly, Hayaa’ is a very clear indication of our eeman (faith). As the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) mentioned to an Ansari Companion who was condemning his brother about being too shy: "Leave him, for Hayaa’ is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)

Fifthly, and last but not least, Hayaa’ leads us to PARADISE. As the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) infomed us: "Hayaa’ comes from eeman (faith); eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." (Bukhari)

As mentioned earlier, the actual term Hayaa’ is derived from Hayaat, which means life. It is only obvious that when someone has Hayaa’ in them, they will LIVE a life of Islam. On the other hand if they do not have Hayaa’ they are living a life that is Dead "Islamically" but alive in the scientific definition of this world.

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: "Hayaa’ and trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world, therefore keep asking Allah for them." (Baihaqi)

In conclusion, Hayaa’ is important for both men and women. Men are to control themselves by getting married as young as possible or if they cannot afford that then they should fast. Women are told to conceal themselves so that the men will not be overtaken by the whispers of shaytaan and will not disrespect or take advantage of them. There are many verses in the Qur’aan that have clearly explained how we have to behave and Allah is Al-Aleem, the All-Knowing, therefore He knew that we would face these problems living in this society, and that there is no excuse to try and change the Islamic teachings and only practice what we feel is right. Allah (a'zza wa jall) has told men how to guide their modesty and has told women how to guide their modesty. If they refuse to follow the commandment of their Lord, then they will cause harm to themselves and the society around them, may Allah have mercy on them and may He guide them to the straight path.

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty…" (Surah Nur, 30-31)

 

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Footnotes:

 

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There are many interactive forums on the Internet, including chat sites and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how Muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into contact with one another while participating in these forums.

The following guidelines should be observed by Muslim men and women when interacting with one another on the Internet:

1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.

To start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become a great opportunity for Satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds seem fair to them.

Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover, some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest and noblest intentions.

If, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must adhere to Allah's command, {Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a speech that is just.} (Sûrah al-Ahzâb: 32)

This verse was revealed concerning the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of promiscuity.

3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.

We must not get involved in talking at length about things that are unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in speaking with men.

Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and frivolous.

4. Remain vigilant at all times.

Those who we meet on the Internet are, for the most part, apparitions. Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real intentions? All of these things are unknown.

I wish to call the attention of our honoured sisters to the dangers that experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor, another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life, the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure…

5. Muslim women who work with the Internet should keep in close contact with one another.

They need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous field of endeavour. They need to cooperate closely and share their experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing with others she is strong.

Allah says, {By time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience.} [Sûrah al-Asr]

Abû Mulaykah al-Dârimî narrates:

“It was the practice among the Prophet's Companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart from one another without one of them reading Sûrah al-`Asr to the other. Then one of them would greet the other with peace.” [Al-Mu`jam al-Awsat (5120) and Shu`ab al-Îmân (9057)]

I also advise our Muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and their efforts on calling other women to Islam and enjoining them to righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly, subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice, often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming high-handed and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured, attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.

 

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We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame.

Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!

In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn't like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur'an: {The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…} (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34). Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don't enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed description of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee's book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa'ir).

A story of Gheerah

To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa' (radhiallahu `anha) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radhiallahu `anhu) and sister of Aisha (radhiallahu `anha), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam (radhiallahu `anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates,

"When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…"

Thus Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water.

"And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said,

"The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam).

Upon this az-Zubair said,

"By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (Related in Saheeh Bukhari)

Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa'! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband's feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn't want to upset him by accepting the Prophet's (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (radhiallahu `anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn't want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!

Nurturing our sense of Gheerah

Sometimes Muslim women don't understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar (headscarf) because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face - by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honour! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk's sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam (impermissible), we must do it.

Subhaan Allah! Look at the difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa' (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah doesn't wear out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa' and Gheerah.

 

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Lying on the bed Maryam replayed the scenes that had just gone by, watching her life like a film, and constantly shifting between rewind and play. There was no stop button and such with life, one cannot pause it. She ran her hands through the chestnut brown hair gently framing her troubled face, pondering over the plot of her life. One moment wondering about yesterday, the next worrying over tomorrow, and constantly reminiscing over what could have been – what should have been.

She is the beautiful trapped starlet in this cyclic movie, constantly shifting from one scene to another. Within that space of back and forth motion she found a small comfort in her analysis and critique – how the situation arose, how she could have prevented it.   Unfortunately, that comfort ends for us all when we realise that the script only caters for what happened. It is within these futile reflections that a shadow lingers, hovers over our conscience, tempting us, taunting us over the wisps of a reality which we hope to create.

She turned onto her side, the newly laundered sheets wrinkled but stayed stubbornly flat. Even the bed covers are expressing their disapproval, she thought wryly, as if they had witnessed the scene take place earlier. She had arrived home at 9pm and mum was washing dishes at the kitchen-sink – usually the dishes were done by now. Something was wrong – mum only delayed the house being absolutely spotless when she was worried. Comfort in cleaning – a concept she had never understood and never wished to understand. She walked in the house, knowing full well that she said she had told them she would be back at 8pm.

“Assalamualaikum” she said meekly, “sorry I’m late. Sarah and I just got caught up with the assignment” Already lying and already feeling the guilt rushing through her veins. Yet, it is better to lie pre-emptively and hope to get away with it than wait for the questions to start.

“Wa alaikumassalam” she sternly replied. Her ranting voice began.

“Maryam you said that you would be back at 7.30 – we have been worried sick! You don’t even text or phone us, and you took the bus back home at this hour. Do you know what types of people are out there on a Saturday night?”

She was 17 years old for goodness sake; she knew the Highway Code and all the moral ones that went with it. Yes it was late, but Adil had dropped her home. That answer wasn’t an option though.

“I said sorry ok? It won’t happen again”. Why didn’t she just drop it?

And then the bombshell dropped. Her eyes pierced their way towards her daughter’s – Maryam tried to divert her gaze but failed. She froze, her eyes locked onto her mothers. Her mother had that uncanny ability to understand the complexities of her daughter’s life without ever discussing it with her. She knew. Her mum’s eyes bore into her, sliced away the illusions and entered her heart. She wanted to shrink away, but held the gaze steadily in defiance. Suddenly she noticed the glint of tears in the corners of her mum’s eyes – a misty reservoir of disappointment lay behind that steely gaze.

”Remember what grandma used to say –

‘Allah has given us a world full of treasures. The most precious and rare jewels are those which cannot be seen, nor touched, but they are felt in the heart. Protect these at all costs, or you will become a pauper, even if you wear the clothes of a Queen’ ”.

“Yes mum”, she mumbled, finally breaking the gaze in shame. She walked swiftly towards her room, hoping to not meet her dad and get a double I’m-so-disappointed lecture. Entering the room she closed the door quietly and sunk into her bed. Her heart felt heavy. Something inside her had cracked at the words of her late beloved grandma. She had heard that phrase repeated to her so often, it was her grandma’s most famous motif.

Yet, until that moment she had never understood it, she had never taken heed to the wisdom that belied it. Moral sayings are often paradoxical and sometimes it’s just better not to ask questions lest it turns out to be something really simple and you embarrass yourself by not understanding the first time. Her grandma had only passed away last year, she pictured her face – she could trace every line and wrinkle with her finger. She imagined her caring voice and the way she smiled – some people say that over time you forget, well this wasn’t the case here. She remembered it all.

“The most precious and rare jewels are those which cannot be seen, nor touched, but they are felt in the heart”.

The moral concepts which her grandma’s stories passed finally fit together with this saying, as beautifully as clouds mould around each other creating an abstract jigsaw-puzzle in the sky. The sensation of upholding your honour isn’t tangible; it is not something that can be battered in the market place at a set price. Every individual’s heart prices it according to their value yet the true value of a person is known to no-one except themselves… and Allah. Upholding this honour, whether it is through telling the truth or guarding ones modesty awakens something within your heart. She had felt it but a few times and thought of fasting during Ramadhan where she had sacrificed food and drink for a more spiritual sustenance. A person who constantly sacrifices the material for the ethereal has an aura of awe-inspiration. Her grandma had that; you could see her living only for the sake of Allah, almost floating with such devotion.

What would she say to her if she saw her now? Images of her evening with Adil flashed before her mind – the soft caress of his hand against her face, his warm breath tickling her skin, his lips melting across hers. She felt her heart flutter restlessly at the memory, yearning to return to a few hours ago, yearning to escape these feelings of guilt. The wings of her fluttering heart were dipped in poison, the colourful feathers concealing a much darker exterior. She wanted his comfort yet she repelled his touch, she wanted his touch, yet she repelled his comfort. This paradoxical struggle between her desires – both worldly and spiritual – had as of yet, no conclusion.

She didn’t understand how things had come so far – six months ago they were just colleagues. She was struggling with understanding algebraic fractions and he helped to explain them in the college library. It was legit enough. But then, all of a sudden it wasn’t. Even after she had understood the mathematical concepts, the pretext was often maths - a pretext that was silently, yet mutually decided. Even though her heart felt unsettled meeting him with the textbooks, whose pages hardly turned during their meetings, she waved away the guilt. Slowly formality faded into friendship and the library was exchanged for coffee shops. She began to notice the dimple in his right cheek, the way his eyes smiled before his mouth did, the way she could feel his gaze on her when she had her back turned. At this point she found it hard to suppress the guilt, to stifle the feelings of shame. She could no longer read the Qur’an without feeling deceitful, so the book which she had been brought up upon blended into all the others on her bookshelf. She glanced at the mini-library in her room and could not even recognise its cover.

“Protect these at all costs, or you will become a pauper, even if you wear the clothes of a Queen”.

Her grandma’s voice echoed in her head like a mantra from the grave. Her fate as a pauper had been sealed this evening with her first kiss. For a moment, or maybe two, she was wearing the clothes of a Queen, experiencing sensations of which she had only ever imagined before. Yet sweet poison has a bitter aftertaste. She gasped aloud, realising the true implications of what she had done. Her heart fell into her stomach, a heart void of peace and contentment.

“The most precious and rare jewels are those which cannot be seen, nor touched, but they are felt in the heart”.

Her heart was empty of the secret treasures only known to some – no, empty was too passive, her heart was plundered of these gems, by no one else but herself.

Tears of shame clouded her vision and for once she let the salty rivers meander down her cheeks. She stumbled off her bed and walked towards the bathroom. Turning on the tap she whispered “bismillah (in the name of Allah)” and performed wudhoo’ (ablution). The cold water gave her a surprising satisfaction like when you take a cool shower on a hot summers day. Back in her room her eyes scanned the top shelf in her bookcase – a blue book, no, green – blue-green – snap. Arabic letters curved around its spine as if ascending a stairway to salvation. She sat down on her bed and opened the Holy Quran, containing the original Arabic as well as an English translation.

{Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that will make for greater purity for them...Say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty..}[i]

It was as if God had directed her to open that particular page. Lowering the gaze is the first step to prevent further attraction, the first step to safeguard the jewels which Allah has given us.

Memories of a lecture on hayaa’ (modesty) which she had once attended flooded back. Hayaa’ was explained to be one of the branches of faith – it was modesty, bashfulness, shame all rolled into one. A noble attitude which motivated a person to keep away from sin - most definitely one of the jewels grandma had meant. The speaker had taken a jug of water and poured a small amount of concentrated black coffee into it whilst narrating a hadeeth (Prophetic Narration). Muhammad (sallallahu a'lyhi wa sallam) said, "Indeed hayaa’ (modesty) and eemaan (faith) are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well."[ii]

The purity of the water became corrupted – it turned an anemic light brown. Like Lipton ice tea. She realised that as her modesty had slowly began to disappear, so had the eemaan (faith) from her heart. Ever since she could remember she had prayed salaat (the five obligatory prayers), yet the rigid discipline of five daily prayers had become easier to forget, easier to ignore.

More coffee was added to the jug and stirred. Muhammad (sallallahu a'lyhi wa sallam) said “When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes defective; and when hayaa’ is a part of anything it becomes beautiful”.[iii] The water became murkier – she felt it reflected her soul. Her grandma had worn the plainest clothes yet attained the status of a Queen in her eyes. Why was it that when she met sisters who had this aura of hayaa’ around them, it penetrated into her and in turn she became shy around them? Those veiled women have a beauty incomparable to the conventional beauties of the day. They protect their treasures at all costs. The speaker poured the last deadly shot of coffee into the water, if you could still call it that. No drop in the jug was left untouched. A mass of dark brown liquid sin. He explained that the word haya is derived from the word “al-hayah” which means life, as if the person who has no haya is like a dead person.

But Allah gives life to the earth after it has died, and he can soften our hearts after they have hardened. The speaker placed the jug in the sink under an open tap and allowed the jug to overflow. Slowly the translucent colour of purity re-appeared, as if the coffee was a figment of our imagination. Whatever our past mistakes, repentance, sincerity and action can change our future. The water was in the depths of darkness but regained its beauty. Maryam smiled in the knowledge that it wasn’t too late to change and looked down once again at a book whose wisdom she had nearly let slip out of her hands.

 

___________

 

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In Islamic discourse a great deal of emphasis is placed on the issue of hijaab for women with much debate about the extent and nature of that covering. This is obviously an important issue for Muslim women, but an equally significant is that of modesty.

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) passed by an Ansari man who was counselling his brother on modesty (He was advising him not to be too much shy and modest). The Prophet said: "Leave him (and do not advise him like this); for modesty is part of faith." (Bukhari and Muslim).

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) also said, "Modesty results in good alone and nothing else." (Bukhari and Muslim).

Modesty is a term that is used often but one that is not clearly understood. One way to conceptualize it would be to think in terms of moving from an outer layer to the inner workings of a system.

The covering, or hijaab is the surface layer of modesty that everyone sees and that is very obvious to all. However, a woman could wear hijaab and modesty may not go any deeper than that; it could be an artificial form of modesty or one done to satisfy another person.

Going deeper, the next layer may consist of what is commonly known as self-consciousness or shyness. At this level the woman not only wears hijaab, but also acts in a way that is reserved and respectful.

An important behaviour in this category is lowering of the gaze.

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty." [24:3 1]

Emphasis is often placed on men lowering their eyes, but this is also a requirement for women.

Eyes should be turned away from everything that is forbidden. This includes not looking at any non-mahram man, at the 'awrah (private parts) of another woman, or with bad intentions at another person.

In one hadeeth qudsi (a narration in which the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) says that ‘Allah (a'zza wa jall) says’), the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) reported that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) says,

"Looking at a non-mahram (men relatives to whom women cannot get married) is one of the poisoned arrows of Satan. Whoever will stop it because of fearing me, I will bless him with such eemaan (faith), the sweetness of which he will feel in his heart" (Tabarani).

Another characteristic at this level is humility in speech. As with everything in Islam, a woman's speech should be in moderation. It should be neither too loud nor too soft (so as to be alluring). Idle, senseless, excessive conversation should be avoided since it has no benefit and distracts from more important responsibilities.

When a woman engages in conversation she should keep it decent and respectable and void of such harmful vices as backbiting, mockery, suspicion, and gossip. She should be humble and not boast about her abilities and achievements.

{Successful indeed are the believers who are humble in their salah, and who shun vain conversation, and who are payers of zakaat.} [23:1-4].

Being placed between two pillars of Islam demonstrates the very significance of this pronouncement. A woman should also attempt to avoid contact and conversation with non-mahram men. When this is necessary, such as for educational purposes or in the work environment, the discussion should be limited to pertinent matters and the woman should speak in a straight-forward and virtuous manner.

As with the hijaab, these rules of etiquette may be observed for various reasons. The woman may act modestly because of cultural norms, her own innate disposition, or to impress or satisfy other people. This may have no connection whatsoever to the innermost level of modesty as any non-believer may follow the same code of conduct.. The centre of this innermost level is the heart, alongside eemaan (faith).

A true believing woman does not engage-in these behaviours for other people; rather, she does it for the sake of Allah. She does not do so out of shyness from other people; she does it out of shyness from Allah.

She is humble in the presence of Allah because she knows that everything she has, her wealth, her status, her abilities, are only from Him. This understanding highlights the interconnection between modesty and eemaan (faith).

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Indeed, modesty and eemaan (faith) are companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well." (Baihaqi).

And when this happens, the moral fiber of society is jeopardized.

 

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A girl emailed an Islamic website the following story of regret, embarrassment and pain:

Assalam Aleikom wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

I hope you can be of use to me in this problem: I'm a 17 year old Arab girl living in an Arab country and still in high school.

Unfortunately, I learnt about the internet, I misused it and spent my days chatting with guys and watching prohibited websites

(I did such things behind my parents back and no one knew about them) even though I used to be religious and hated girls who chatted with guys.

This is how I got to know a 21 years old guy-through the "Messenger" living in the same country but of different nationality and we went on chatting till we exchanged true and untainted love "just for the sake of Allah".

He used to educate me about teachings of religion and lead me to righteousness and guidance. He allowed me to see him through a camera, we sometimes prayed together.

Later he started to show me parts of his body which in return caused me to become an addict to the secret habit. Such situation went on for a month in which we learned a lot from each other. We maintained voice chatting and when I trusted him I allowed him to see me, my hair and most of my body parts through the computer camera. My love for him grew more and I thought only of him and nothing else to the extent that I couldn't concentrate in my studies, consequently causing my level of educational pursuit to decline.

He then told me about where he lived and so did I. I called him on his mobile a while after that and checked the validity of the information he gave me. He said he wanted to marry me, I agreed to his proposal for marriage, although I'm supposed to marry my cousin, yet I'm now so afraid of my parents' disapproval especially after he started to threaten me saying,

"If you leave me I'll disgrace you and spread your pictures"!

He also said,

"I'll call you using the numbers you dialled to reach me and tell your folks all about you."

When I discussed this matter with him he said that it was just threats yet I feel that he is not just threatening me and that he's really going to do something. Now I'm thinking seriously of leaving him and returning to the path of Allah.

My parents are Muslims and religious and if they knew that I'm in love with a guy and actually in contact with him they're going to kill me (by "kill" I mean beating and humiliating) to avoid the scandal and bad reputation.

I don't know what to do! I'm so scared;

I want guidance;

I want to be happy and safe;

I'm sick of thinking and feeling scared.

Please help me. Because of this problem I quit praying; I quit worshiping in general because I'm bored and desperate with my life; my sisters' reputation and futures-as well as mine- will be destroyed if I don't die, and I want to, today before tomorrow.

I want to leave him but I fear the scandal. He will call back so how can I stop him? Will Allah forgive me if I return to his path? What are the conditions of repentance and how should I repent?

I fear that I may go back to what I used to do? Where's the way out?

How can I get rid of my addict to the secret habit? And now that I suffer from sexual frigidity, how can I treat it without my parents knowing about it?

I seek your reply so bad; don't throw my mail away.

Please help me as soon as you can; there's no one else to help me; please help me, please.

The sister's message is over; a message that is truly rich with lessons, is anyone out there willing to learn?

 

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1. Tabarruj is disobedience to Allaah and His Messenger (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)

The one who disobeys Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) can only harm himself and can not in any way harm Allaah. The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “All of my followers will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” It was asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, who would refuse?” He (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,

“He who obeys me enters Paradise and he who disobeys me has refused.” (Reported by al-Bukhaaree)

It is reported that Mu'awiyyah (radee Allaahu ‘anhu) gave a sermon in Greater Syria and in it he mentioned that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) prohibited seven things and he named Tabarruj as one of them.

‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood (radee Allaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa allam) used to dislike ten kinds of behavior and he (‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood) mentioned that from amongst them is displaying and beautification which is done in an improper place.

Jalaal-ud-Deen as-Suyuti (d.911H) (rahimahullaah) said that,

“Tabarruj, by displaying beautification, is showing off to strangers...”

This is the explanation of the meaning of ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood’s statement “improper place”, therefore this doesn't apply if the beautification is done for the husband.

2. Tabarruj is a grave destructive sin

Umayymah, the daughter of Ruqayyah visited the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) to acknowledge the message of Islam and to acknowledge that he (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was and is the Messenger of Allaah. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said to her,

“I give my acknowledgment that you must not set partners to worship besides Allaah, that you do not steal, commit fornication or adultery, that you do not kill your child, that you do not commit any falsehood before your hands and between your legs, that you do not wail and that you do not make tabarruj like that of jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic era).” (Reported by Ahmad ibn Hanbal in his Musnad, Shaykh Ahmad Shakir graded the chain of the hadeeth as “good” and stated that Imaam ibn Kathir mentioned this hadeeth in his tafsir [exegesis] saying that the chain of this narration is “good”)

It’s clear that the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) associated Tabarruj (display of beauty) to be from amongst the grave destructive sins.

3. Tabarruj brings the curse and expulsion from the Mercy of Allaah

The Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,

“There shall be (in the later) part of my nation women who are dressed but are in fact naked. On their heads are humps like those of camels. Curse them for they are surely cursed.” (Reported by at-Tabaaranee, Shaykh al-Albaanee graded this hadeeth “Saheeh”)

4. Tabarruj is an attribute of the people of hell

The Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Of the people of Hell there are two types whom I have never seen: The one possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with them. The second one the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduced to wrong paths and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive its odour, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such distance.” (Reported by Muslim)

5. Tabarruj is darkness on the Day of Resurrection

It is narrated that the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,

“The parable of a woman who moves with a slow sweeping motion trailing her beautified clothes performing not for her husband is like darkness of the Day of Judgement, she has or comes with no light.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhee in his Sunan, Shaykh al-Albaanee graded the hadeeth “weak”)

Abu Bakr ibn al-Arabi (d.543H) (rahimahullaah) said that although this hadeeth [narration] is weak,

“…its meaning is correct because the enjoyment of disobedience is in fact torture and suffering. The meaning is that this type of woman will come on the Day of Resurrection black (engulfed) in darkness, as though she physically originated from darkness. In contrast, what happens to be difficult and painful in performance of obedient acts is a true enjoyment because of the reward awaiting those who are obedient to Allaah and His Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam).”

The odor of the mouth of a fasting person may not be a pleasant in this world, to Allaah however it is better than the odor of musk because the Muslim has obeyed Allaah and performed what is due upon him from fasting. Similarly the woman wearing her Hijab may be looked upon as “reactionist”, “old fashioned” or “a walking tent”, however she will, Allah Willing, be the winner on the Day of Resurrection and those who mock her put themselves onto a dangerous road and may be subjected to the wrath of Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala).

6. Tabarruj is hypocrisy

The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,“The best of your women is the affectionate, the fertile (in productivity), the propitious (favorable), the consultative if they fear Allaah. The most evil of your women are the Mutabarrijat (those who do at-Tabarruj [display their beauty]), the Mutakhayelat (who strut/swagger), and they are the hypocrites. Those who enter Al-Jannah (the Paradise) are like the Cough Crow [i.e. rare].” (Reported by al-Bayhaqi in his Sunan)

The cough crow has a red beak and red legs and is rare. Therefore, the expression in the Prophetic Narration, “cough cow” indicates that the women who will enter Paradise will be few

7. Tabarruj is disgraceful

The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,“Any woman who takes of her clothes in other than her husband’s home has broken the shield between her and Allaah.” (Reported by Ahmad ibn Hanbal & al-Haakim who said it is “Saheeh” according to the conditions of al-Bukhaaree and Muslim and adh-Dhahabee agreed)

Imaam Abu Zakariya an-Nawawee (d.676H) (rahimahullaah) commenting on this hadeeth said,

“The saying of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam), ‘Any woman who takes off her clothes in other than her husband’s home’, means showing off her beauty to strangers by taking off her shield of clothes; she has broken the shield between her and Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala).”

Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) stated, {O Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts, etc.) and as an adornment and the raiment of righteousness, that is better…} (Al-A’raf 7:26)

So if a woman does not fear Allaah and uncovers her private parts then she is breaking the shield between her and Allaah, the Most High. This is because she uncovered and dishonored herself and committed a grievance against her own husband, so in turn Allaah will uncover her shield, she will truly be in a scandal.

8. Tabarruj is an unchaste sin

The women is ‘Awrah, a source of attraction and therefore, her body is not to be shown by wearing clothes that show off her body, its shape and features; doing such is disgraceful. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) orders us to stay away from disgraceful sins, {And when they commit a Faahishah (evil deed, going round the Ka’bah in naked state, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, etc.), they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it, and Allaah has commanded us of it.’ Say: ‘Nay, Allaah never commands of Faahishah. Do you say of Allaah what you know not?” (Al-A’raf [7]:28)

Rather, it is Satan who orders such Faahishah, such disgraceful sins. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says, {Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you with poverty and orders you to commit Fahshaa (evil deeds, illegal sexual intercourse, sins etc.); whereas Allaah promises you Forgiveness from Himself and Bounty, and Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knower.} (Al-Baqarah [2]:268)

The Mutabarrijat, those who do at-Tabarruj (display their beauty) create a sinful virus which spreads disgraceful sins amongst the Muslim society. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says, {Verily, those who like that (the crime of) illegal sexual intercourse should be propagated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allaah knows and you know not.} (An-Nur [24]:19)

Tabarruj is the leading course for the spread of Zina (illegal sexual relations).

9. Tabarruj is a Satanic way

The story of Adam and his wife demonstrates how the enemy of Allaah (i.e. Satan) was so keen to incite them to show their private parts in order to spread evil and disgraceful sins. It also shows that Tabarruj of women is the primary goal of Shaytaan, which he ardently seeks to achieve. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says, {O Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts, etc.) and as an adornment, and the raiment of righteousness, that is better.} (Al-A’raf [7]:26)

It is very clear that Satan is the one who established the call for Tabarruj; he is the leader of the leaders who call for the so-called "liberation" of women. Satan is the leading guide for all those who obey him and follow him in disobedience to Allaah, the Almighty, especially those Mutabarrijat (those who do at-Tabarruj [display their beauty]) who harm the Muslims and misuse their youth. The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said: “I have not left after me any chance of turmoil more harmful to men than the harm done to them because of women.” (Reported by al-Bukhaaree)

Adam (‘alayhis-sallam) forgot, made a mistake, repented and asked for forgiveness from Allaah and Allaah accepted his repentance. The struggle between Adam’s offspring and Satan continues, the Devil still whispers, so as to drive us (men and women) into disobeying Allaah and committing sins. There is no safeguard except in returning to Allaah in good faith and repentance, remembering Allaah and asking Him for His help in order to overcome our evil lusts and desires.

10. Tabarruj is the way of the Jews

The Jews have an important role in the destruction of nations through Fitnah, the seduction and temptation of women. The spread of Tabarruj is an effective weapon of their wide spread establishments. In fact, the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,“Watch out for this worldly life (safeguard yourself from its temptation) guard yourself from the allurement of women. Verily, the first trial for the people of Israel was caused by women.” (Reported by Muslim)

Their (the Jews) books also testify to this fact. In the third chapter of Isaiah it is quoted that,

“Moreover, the LORD said, ‘Because the daughters of Zion are proud and walk with heads held high and seductive eyes, and go along with mincing steps, and tinkle the bangles on their feet. Therefore the Lord will afflict the scalp of the daughters of Zion with scabs, and the LORD will make their foreheads bare.” (Isaiah, Chapter 3, V.16-17)

Furthermore:

“In that day the Lord will take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans and veils.” (Isaiah, Chapter 3, V.18-23)

Although the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) warned against mimicking the non-believers and their ways, many Muslims don’t abide by this warning. This is a prophecy of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) who said, “You will tread the same path as was trodden by those before you, inch by inch and step by step, so that if they enter the hole of the lizard you will follow them into it also.” His companions asked him: “Do you mean the Jews and the Christians?” He (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) replied: “Who else?” (Reported by Muslim)

The similarity of those women who disobey Allaah and His Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) to the Jews is very evident because their response to Allaah’s command was and is similar to that of the Jews, “We have heard and disobeyed.” (Al-Baqarah [2]:93)

This is unlike the response of the believing woman who would respond (to the commands of Allaah) saying, “We hear and we obey.” (Al-Baqarah [2]:85)

This is because the believing women remember the saying of Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala), “And whoever contradicts and opposes the Messenger (Muhammad) after the right path has been shown clearly to him and follows other than the believers’ way. We shall keep him in the path he has chosen, and burn him in Hell - what an evil destination.” (An-Nisa [4]:115)

11. Tabarruj is filthy Jaahiliyyah (ignorance)

Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says, “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance.” (Al-Ahzab [33]:33)

The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) described the times of ignorance as filthy and wicked and ordered us to reject them. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) described the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) as, “…he allows them lawful at-Tayyibaat [(i.e. all good and lawful) as regards things, deeds, beliefs, persons, foods, etc.], and prohibits them as unlawful al-Khabaa’ith (i.e. all evil and unlawful as regards things, deeds, beliefs, persons, foods, etc.).” (Al-A’raf [7]:157)

The call to bring about Tabarruj is in reality a call to bring back the times of Jaahiliyyah (the pre-Islamic era of ignorance). Both of which are wicked ways which the Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) declared unlawful. The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Verily, ever matter of Jaahiliyyah [time of ignorance] is under my hate.” (Reported by Aboo Daawood, at-Tirmidhee, Ahmad and other)

Tabarruj and all forms of Jaahiliyyah such as false pride and haughtiness, ill thoughts about Allaah, call for falsehood, setting up rivals with Allaah, ruling by the laws of other than Islaam, usury, etc., are all inclusive.

12. Tabarruj is an animal act

To be similar in our behavior to animals is truly a degradation and decline to a level lower than the level of being humans. Being human is a blessing which Allaah has bestowed upon us. Allaah, the Almighty, has given us a natural inclination towards covering, preservation and safeguarding modesty. To consider the acts of display and uncovering as an act of beauty represents a corruption of the Fitrah (natural disposition/ inclination) and is a sad sign of our decadence and decline.

The stability of a person's respect is linked to his or her covering of the body.

13. Tabarruj is a door to wide-spread evil

Anyone who carefully examines the Islamic texts, the Qur’aan, the authentic Sunnah and the lessons from history will become convinced of the evils and harms of Tabarruj, both in religious and worldly matters. Some of its underlying consequences are:

a) The rivalry and competition among the women in showing off their beauty to non-Mahram men. This is seduction, which leads to the spoiling of basic morality; it leaves women as merchandised articles for anyone to look at.

b) The corruption of the morality of men, especially the youth and those in adolescence; it pushes them to commit various kinds of sin. We have seen teenage kids in the streets of Europe, North America and other parts of the world roaming around smoking, at times half naked, on drugs and looking to engage in sexual relationships. Why, what happened? Many try to hide from the hard facts. The drive for lust and the materialistic life became the objective of the new generation, the Pepsi, MTV generation. The result, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases!

c) The destruction of family ties, by the of a lack of trust between family members and the great threat of divorce due to it.

d) The commercial abuse of women in media, advertisement, entertainment and many other areas.

e) Doing harm to women by making them vulnerable to harm by the wicked, irreligious and sinful.

f) The spread of diseases. The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Sin did not spread in any particular nation until they openly conducted (their sins) and as a result plague and other illnesses that were not present amongst their predecessors because present amongst them.”

g) The facilitation of the grave sin of Zinaa' (adultery) and the fornication which is done by the eye. The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “(The) adultery of the eye is the lustful look.” (Reported by Muslim)

h) Tabarruj makes it difficult to lower the gaze.

i) It justifiably brings down the Punishment of Allaah and His Punishment is more severe than an atomic bomb. Allaah, the Almighty, says, “And when We decide to destroy a town (population), We (first) send a definite order (to obey Allaah and be righteous) to those among them [or We (first) increase in number those of its population] who are given the good things of this life. Then, they transgress therein, and thus the word (of torment) is justified against it (them). Then We destroy it with complete destruction.” (Al-Isra [17]:16)

The Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“When people see wrong or evil and they don’t change it then it is eminent that the Punishment of Allaah will fall upon them.” (Reported by Aboo Daawood and others)

 

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Category: Modesty

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The eyes are like an ocean, every moment carrying various tides of feelings and sentiments; such discreet and inaudible expressions that it is impossible for the limbs to translate each flicker into words and actions. In fact, the eyes are a treasure chest for the secrets hidden within the being of a woman. It is these very eyes that have been a means of attraction, allurement and temptation for centuries. But few indeed are those who have possessed eyes holding the beauty of modesty as do the eyes of the Muslim Woman.

As many fall into the abyss of unrestrained glances, the Muslim Woman’s eyes hold the unique trait of piety, since she derives strength upon strength from knowing that her Lord watches her from above the heavens. Her connection with her Lord helps her greatly in shielding off the attacks of the accursed whisperer, for when he approaches her she easily rushes towards her Lord's refuge and seeks help in His Power and Might - be that anytime and anywhere.

Her love for her Creator gushes through her being, since He is the One who safeguarded and trained her against the evil that the eyes can incur, as she recited the Words of her Creator “…And tell the believing women to lower their gaze…”[1] Fully trying to entrench these words into her being, her eyes comply and she takes care in only beautifying her eyes within the serenity of her home and the protectiveness of her veil. An old lady was once asked,

‘What matter have you learnt to be the most important for a woman in her life?” She replied,

“Never to allow a non-mahram’s[2] eyes to meet with hers.”

A Muslim Woman should take this advice and be far above complacency in this matter; for an ajnabi (stranger) to look towards her adorned eyes is an affront to her modesty, the same modesty that the Prophet (peace be upon him) described when he said: "Modesty results in good only and nothing else"[3] and “…modesty is a branch of faith.”[4] Indeed, treachery to her faith is not the Muslimah’s way therefore she preserves her eyes solely for her spouse, after which her lowered and adorned modest gaze looks up towards and is revealed for her beloved, the one whom Allah calls her garment:

“…they are your Libaas and you are their Libaas...”[5]

Seeking Paradise, she begins a journey to expend all her efforts to be able to dive into his eyes – right into his heart. Whilst other women may beautify themselves when leaving the house, she beautifies herself within the realm of her home - her Jannah in this temporal world. Once Bakrah bint ‘Uqbah came to the scholars of the scholars, the leader of the righteous women: ‘A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), and asked her about henna. ‘A’ishah said, “It comes from a good tree and pure water.” She asked her about removing body hair, and she said,

“If you have a husband, and you could remove your eyes and replace them with something better, then do it.”[6]

Although using ‘extra volume mascara’ or ‘eye lash curlers’ may do the job to some extent, the righteous Muslimah - who loves to absorb the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him) into her heart, just as a sponge absorbs water - follows a cheaper and easier supplement or alternative. It is a specific type of kohl[7] referred to as ithmid made from black stone. Our Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

“The best of your kohl is ithmid, for it makes the vision clear and makes the hair grow.”[8]

Therefore the ithmid kohl is not only beautifying for the eyes but a great asset and a powerful means by which to strengthen the vision as explained by the truthful, Muhammad (peace be upon him). In fact there was a woman by the name of Zarqa’ al-Yamaamah who could see as far as the distance of three days, when she was killed they found that all the veins in her eyes bore traces of the kohl ithmid[9]. And as for the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) words “…and makes the hair grow” the scholars explain that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was referring to the hair growth of the eyelashes[10].

Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said,

'Kohl protects the health of the eyes and gives strength and clarity of vision, and cleanses the eye of bad substances. In addition to that some types of kohl also serve as an adornment and if it is applied before going to bed this is even better. And ithmid is more efficacious than other types of kohl.'[11]

May Allah bestow upon the Muslim Women of today modesty unparalleled in the annals of history and make them the most beautiful in the eyes of their respective husbands.

May Sisters worldwide be blessed with obedience to the commands of Allah and His Beloved Messenger and may Allah’s choicest peace and blessings be upon the leader of the Arabs and the Ajmaa’[12], Ameen.

____________________

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They ask: why do you segregate

The veil you obligate

Separate seating you allocate

Suppressed, denied, imprisoned and over you they dominate

Your rights they want to abate

In society we will make you achieve and accelerate

Segregation is oppressive and thus we must abrogate

 

Sit with us and wine and dine

You'll come to see that life is so fine

 

I reply and sigh

You don't know history and thus you ask me why

Although you call it 'sexual apartheid' to defy and deny

With your preconceived ideas, segregation in Islaam you belie

For me it is an honour, a privilege, a dignity which I apply

You have misunderstood the reasons and wisdoms

Come; sit with me awhile, so you may not remain so hostile

 

We, by segregating, are hidden from the filthy eyes

History bears witness that in the hearts of many men the devils fly

Women are abused and raped, over dark memories they cry

Yet so many continue to mix with men so as to wine and dine

Making sure they look fine

 

It’s about reality, so look at it sedately:

Segregation is not always a vice

Islaam shows its side - so nice

Dirty, evil men want to cling to you like lice

You know, so many of them are dirty, just like rats and mice

 

Our men keep us like petals

Keeping us away from the fierce wind that blows

Because within man’s blood satan flows

We are the diamonds, pearls and jewels

Not shown to just anyone as many men are such fools

So many look at women as merely sexual tools

 

I segregate and protect myself,

As women are more valuable than any wealth

Making sure to protect the beauty God has bestowed

Thanking him with obedience and words aloud

Thus I am not oppressed and the one undressed

How many women are raped - suffering from distress?

Their answer is Islaam, the path from which many, sadly, digress

 

Many women have been cheated on and used

But it’s strange, towards me you look bemused

Come join our caravan

And feel cherished and protected

You'll come to see that we are not outdated

 

Following the injunctions of the Lord, most High

The Creator of all that exists and everything you can list

This message should not be missed

The Paradise we want, to live within its midst

The Creator knows us best

Although for Muslim women, you see it as a test

Wake up and realise lest

On the Day of Reckoning you are from those people who didn’t win the test

  

I end with these words

Maybe angering the herds

That this is liberation

Freeing oneself from the shackles of oppression

Look at it from the light of truth and not detestation...

 

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Category: Humility and Sincerity

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The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Some people open the doors to good and close the doors to evil, and some people open the doors to evil and close the doors to good, so glad tidings to those in whose hands Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) places the keys to good, and woe to those in whose hands Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) places the keys to evil.”[1]

In al-Munāwi’s commentary of this narration he quoted al-Ḥakīm saying,

“Goodness lies in Allāh’s (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) pleasure and evil lies in angering Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā), so if Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) is pleased with a servant, the sign of His (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) pleasure lies in making His servant a key to goodness. Therefore, if he is seen, goodness is remembered, if he is present goodness accompanies him and if he speaks, he speaks goodness. Such a person has clear and apparent signs of goodness surrounding him because he constantly moves from goodness to goodness; whether that is in action, word or thoughts…”[2]

If one looks into history, one invariably finds people who initiated either good or evil acts. The first person to revive the practice of tarāwīḥ after the Prophet (sall Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was ‘Umar bin al-Khaṭṭāb (raḍiy Allāhu ‘anhu). The first person to gather the Qur’ān together as one unified book was ‘Uthmān (raḍiy Allāhu ‘anhu). The first people to collect a collection of sound traditions were Imām Mālik and al-Bukhāri (raḥimahuma Allāh). The first person to write an entire, comprehensive treatise in Uṣūl al-Fiqh was Imām al-Shāfi’ī (raḥimahullāh). And even in matters pertaining to akhlāq; the first person to entertain a guest was Ibrāhīm (‘alayhi al-Salām). The list goes on.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we find that a number of people initiated evil acts as well. The son of Ādam (‘alayhi al-Salām) was the first person to commit murder, about whom the Prophet (sall Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“The first son of Ādam (‘alayhi al-Salām) takes a share of the guilt of everyone who murders another wrongfully because he was the initiator of committing murder.”[3]

Likewise, the idolaters from the people of Nūḥ (‘alayhi al-Salām) were the first people that introduced polytheism into the world. The people of Lūṭ (‘alayhi al-Salām) were the first people who introduced sexual deviancy into the world as well;

“And [We had sent] Lot when he said to his people, “Do you commit such immorality as no one has preceded you with from among the worlds?”[4]

Taking the above into consideration, it is vitally important that we develop a conscious attitude towards initiating and reviving good deeds as well a conscious attitude that is weary of evil deeds that may be imitated by others. We should at the very least be of those that have the courage to tell others to do good. We should be able to say to others, for example: Brother, try and memorise such and such a sūrah; pass on this information or knowledge to others; attend this lesson; listen to this lecture; read this book; give such and such a person the following advice; write an article; correct a particular mistake; accompany such and such a person; spend on this noble cause; help so and so; give a sermon; enjoin the good and forbid the evil; feed that poor person; follow a funeral procession; build a mosque; stand up for Muslims that are being defamed in the media and raise awareness about injustices; and so on. The opportunities to earn good deeds are simply too many to mention.

Being a key to goodness implies that one should try to precede others in doing good deeds and encouraging others to do so. However, it is important to note that there are a number of impediments that prevent many people from taking such an approach. Below we will mention some of these obstacles.

“I fear that I will not be sincere.”

This is quite a common concern that many people have and is in fact indicative of a healthy heart since a sick heart is not concerned with sincerity. A person will never know whether they are truly sincere or not until they are informed about their actions on the Day of Judgment, therefore a person should not wait until he feels as though he is 100% sincere in his actions before he embarks upon doing the action. Instead, he should strive to purify his intentions as much as he can and then embark upon the action, whilst asking Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) to make him sincere. If we decided not to do an action due to fear of lack of sincerity, then no good deeds would be done, especially by the God-fearing, since they are more conscious about their intentions!

2.“Why should I encourage others when I am a sinner?”

Again, the fear of hypocrisy is a positive quality to have but should not discourage a person from doing a good deed. If a person does a good deed and at the same time does other bad deeds they will be held accountable for the bad deed itself and not because they did a good deed in conjunction with it. We are all sinners, and if sins were an excuse not to do good deeds, we would never do good deeds!

3. “There are people who are more suitable to do such a deed.”

Whilst in principle there may indeed be people who are more qualified or more skilled to do a particular good deed, it should not necessarily prevent a person from doing good deeds. Imām Aḥmad described the person who gave up his position in the front row of prayer to a more righteous individual to be a fool (aḥmaq). People become highly skilled due to their years of experience. Such people were at one stage not very experienced and would have had more senior people above them, yet that would not stop them from engaging in those good deeds

4. False humility.

Sometimes, laziness or a general lack of eagerness can be camouflaged with the gown of humility. Humility should not be a barrier to do good deeds nor should it be equated with inactivity. A person can be humble yet be the most active of mankind.

To conclude, the Prophet (sall Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,

“He who inaugurated a good practice in Islām which was followed after him (by people) would be assured of reward like one who followed it, without their rewards being diminished in any respect. And he who inaugurated some evil practice in Islām which had been followed subsequently (by others), would be required to bear the burden like that of one who followed this (evil practice) without theirs being diminished in any respect.”[5]

May Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) grant us all sincerity, makes us keys for goodness and make us amongst those who race with one another towards goodness and Paradise. Āmīn.

And Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) knows best.

NOTES:

[1] Ibn Mājah (237).

[2] Fayḍ al Qadīr (2/669)

[3] Agreed upon.

[4] Al Qur’ān, 7:80

[5] Muslim, 1017.

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Category: Humility and Sincerity

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There was a builder who worked for a company building homes. When he got older, he wanted to retire. He went to the manager of the company and informed him of his intention to retire. The manager said he could retire, but under condition that he build one final home for the company. 

The man accepted the condition and began building the home as quickly as he could so he could fulfill the condition and finally retire. However, the home was built shabbily; the doors were poorly hung and the walls were flimsy. He then rushed to the manager and handed him the keys to the newly built home. 

The manager then informed him that this home was a gift to him from the company he had served for so many years. Needless to say, the man was shocked; he thought to himself, why didn't I built that home well, why didn't I make that the best home I ever built?

Similarly dear brothers and sisters, our worship, our prayers and our voluntary good deeds are for Allah. He asks us to do them, but on the Day of Judgement they will be ours, they will be ours to benefit from. Therefore, let us perfect our woship, because we will soon find out and realize that all these acts of worship (salah, fasting, qiyam, etc...) are for us.

يَا قَوْمِ إِنَّمَا هَٰذِهِ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا مَتَاعٌ وَإِنَّ الْآخِرَةَ هِيَ دَارُ الْقَرَارِ

{O my people, this worldly life is only [temporary] enjoyment, and indeed, the Hereafter - that is the home of [permanent] settlement.}

(Surah Ghaafir - Verse 39)

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An ancient wisdom: "Do good, then throw it into the sea."

This is one of my favourite quotes because of the depth of meaning. Don't keep a tab on all the good deeds that you do, that's a job which angels are assigned to. So when you do a righteous act, do it with sincerity then forget about it and move on to the next good deed. When you help someone, do it well and then forget it; don't remind them of your favour and don't hold on to its memory either because Shaytan has ways of trying to pollute even those deeds which we've done in the past and what victory he seeks by ruining not just our present good deeds but past ones too!

So rush to do the khayr and then throw it's memory to the back of your mind; your sea of thoughts, and don't dwell on them. For Allah always remembers and the sea always throws back it's pearls and contents.

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I don't care what nobody says, the old-school speakers were the best and the most humble! Many speakers today do things that are punch-in-the-face worthy. I have graciously compiled the official top ten reasons to get punched in the face if you are a Muslim speaker:

(Please note that if you are a speaker and disagree with ANY of the points on this list, that will qualify you for a free and immediate punch to the mouth)! To avoid the 1001 complaints from those who are not familiar with the speakers circuit, I have provided explanations under each point.

The top ten reasons to get Punched in the Face if you're a Muslim speaker are:

Read more: The top ten reasons to get Punched in the Face if you're a Muslim speaker

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Category: Humility and Sincerity

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Humility is one of the greatest blessings that Allaah can bestow upon His slave. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And by the Mercy of Allaah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you" [Aal 'Imraan 3:159]

"And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted (standard of) character" [al-Qalam 68:4]

This refers to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) being a true slave of Allaah in many ways and his treating all people with the utmost kindness. His character was one of complete humility based on sincerity towards Allaah and compassion towards the slaves of Allaah, which was the complete opposite of the characteristics of the proud and arrogant.

*Please click here if you can't see the above video.

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WHAT is SO wrong about feeling self-important?

The Qur'an clearly mentions that being arrogant will surely lead one to Hellfire.

Allah says: "Enter the gates of Hell to abide eternally therein, and wretched is the residence of the arrogant." (Qur'an 40:76)

"I will turn away from My signs those who are arrogant upon the earth without right; and if they should see every sign, they will not believe in it. And if they see the way of consciousness, they will not adopt it as a way; but if they see the way of error, they will adopt it as a way. That is because they have denied Our signs and they were heedless of them." (Qur'an 7:146)

Allah reminds the believers that they should remain humble because arrogance leads to ETERNAL destruction!

Who is Arrogant?

The word 'arrogant' is defined as: 'Having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.' (Oxford English Dictionary).

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines it as:

'Exaggerating or disposed to exaggerate one's own worth or importance often by an overbearing manner.'

'Showing an offensive attitude of superiority; proceeding from or characterized by arrogance.'

These definitions show that being arrogant is simply a negative personality trait. We are all creations of Allah and whatever good we possess is from Him alone. If one possesses something superior -- whether it is health, wealth, or education – he/she should remain humble and NEVER disgrace someone who doesn't enjoy his/her qualities. Instead, they should thank Almighty Allah for His blessings.

The "arrogant one"

Allah created the heavens and the earth, the angels and the Jinns, and then created Prophet Adam (peace be upon him). He created the angels from light, the Jinns from smoke/fire and Adam from clay. He asked the angels to prostrate to him and they obeyed Allah's command and prostrated. He then asked Iblis (Satan) to prostrate and he refused because he considered himself superior to Adam.

Allah says in the Qur'an:

"What prevented you (O Iblis) that you did not prostrate, when I commanded you?" Iblis said: "I am better than him (Adam); You created me from fire, and him You created from clay." (Qur'an 7:12)

Allah dislikes those who consider themselves superior over others, as He says in the Qur'an:

"(O Iblis) get down from this (Paradise), it is not for you to be arrogant here. Get out, for you are of those humiliated and disgraced." (Qur'an 7:13)

Allah said to Iblis:

"Get out from this (Paradise) disgraced and expelled. Whoever of them (mankind) will follow you, then surely I will fill Hell with you all." (Qur'an 7:18)

We can easily understand from the above verses that an arrogant person is amongst the cohorts of Satan.

Narrated 'Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood (may Allah be pleased with him):

Allah's Apostle, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: "No one who has an atom's-weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise." A man said, "O Messenger of Allaah, what if a man likes his clothes and his shoes to look good?" He said: "Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people." (Sahih Muslim: 91)

Superiority Complex

The term "superiority complex" was coined by an Austrian medical doctor and psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, who was also the founding father of the school of individual psychology. He described the concept as a 'psychological defense mechanism' in which a person's feelings of superiority counter or conceal his or her feelings of inferiority.

Some people often make arrogant comments that are very hurtful and sinful as well. Such comments and attitudes are unacceptable by Allah, as He says in the Qur'an:

"And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height." (Qur'an 17:37)

The "Braggart"

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary states the definition of braggart as: 'A loud arrogant boaster.'

Let us look at some examples:

Case 1: A person has only two pairs of shoes for formal wear. He/she has been wearing them for a few years and one day he/she sees his/her friend buy a new pair of shoes. A feeling of inferiority arises within him/her and he immediately comments in a pompous tone, "I have seen better shoes than these, they are cheap quality ...where/why did you get them? I only buy Italian leather shoes!" Not only did he/she hurt the feelings of the other person but by doing so, projected an image of preeminence, i.e., he/she possess more knowledge/experience about shopping for shoes.

A beautiful reminder of Allah's words from the Qur'an:

"And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses" (Qur'an 31: 18-19)

Case 2: A friend of mine has recently been promoted to a top managerial position at a multinational firm. Coming from a background of modest means, she would often see her friends buy expensive clothing, footwear, furniture or jewellery etc. in the past and feel inferior to them. To make herself feel better, she would make statements such as: "I would never buy such a piece of furniture, it's hideous!" or "That dress is so common and worn by every other woman, I'd never buy that". By making such arrogant comments, she was somehow able to comfort herself and assuage her feelings of inferiority.

Narrated 'Abd-Allaah ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him):

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Whoever lets his garment drag along the ground out of pride, Allah will not look at him on the Day of Resurrection." Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "Sometimes my garment slips down on one side, unless I pay attention to it." The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "You are not doing that out of pride." (Sahih Bukhaari, 3465)

What is humility?

Having a sense of humility simply means NOT to think/act/speak arrogantly with others. One should never consider themselves as better or superior to others due to their citizenship, education, health, wealth, social status etc.

A beautiful verse from the holy Qur'an states:

"Indeed, they who have believed and done righteous deeds and humbled themselves to their Lord - those are the companions of Paradise; they will abide eternally therein." (Qur'an 11:23)

Subhaan Allah! It is very clear from the above verse, that Allah rewards his "humble" believers with Jannah (Paradise). What better abode for a believer?

Allah even ordered Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to remain humble. Allah says in Qur'an:

"And warn, [O Muhammad], your closest kindred.And lower your wing (i.e., be humble and show kindness) to those who follow you of the believers." (Qur'an 26:214-215)

Haritha b. Wahb al-KhuzaIi (may Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace and blessings be upon him) as saying: "Should I not inform you about the inmates of Paradise?" And (informing about them) said: "Every meek person who is considered to be humble and if they were to adjure in the name of Allah, Allah would certainly fulfil it. Should I not inform you about the inmates of Hellfire? They are all proud, mean and haughty." (Sahih Muslim: Book 40, Number 6835)

Disregarding someone's efforts and not appreciating others, endlessly arguing to have the final word, neglecting the truth/facts and not accepting one's own fault and apologizing are all signs of arrogance.

Some people even misunderstand humility to be a sign of weakness, which it is NOT!

Advantages of being humble vs. disadvantages of being arrogant

In the long run, people will always remember, admire and respect a person who is modest and humble. People tend to listen to someone who doesn't overshadow or dominate them. (Trust me! No one, I repeat, NO ONE likes an arrogant person.) People who redirect their focus to others instead of having all the focus and attention to themselves at all times, are usually well liked. Being humble also provides incentives for one to improve and reflect upon their mind, character and attitude. When one thinks and behaves with humility, he/she will be capable of managing their personal and professional lives with a positive attitude.

Allah says in Qur'an:

"That home of the Hereafter We assign to those who do not desire exaltedness upon the earth or corruption. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous."(Qur'an 28:83)

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What are the signs that a person is seeking to build an 'image' instead of developing true faith by way of righteous deeds?

In his book, Riyaa: The Hidden Shirk, Abu Ammaar Yasir Qadhi writes:

"Linguistically Riyaa comes from the root "ra'aa" which means to see; to behold; to view. The derived word 'Riyaa' means "eye-service; hypocrisy; dissimulation; dissemblance."

From a Sharee'ah point of view, it means: "To perform acts which are pleasing to Allaah, with the intention of pleasing other than Allaah."

The primary cause of Riyaa' is a weakness in faith (Eemaan). When a person does not have strong faith in Allaah, he will prefer the admiration of people over the pleasure of Allaah."

There are three symptoms that are indicative of Riyaa', and it is essential that a believer avoid all of them.

1) The love of praise:

A Hadeeth mentions the first three people being thrown into hellfire—the scholar (who taught for fame), the martyr (who fought for fame), and the person who gave his money in charity (so people would say he is generous). All three of these people desired the pleasure of people over the pleasure of Allah. The person who desires the praise of people must feel some pride in himself, for he feels himself worthy of being praised. There is a danger, therefore, of him becoming arrogant and boastful.

The Messenger of Allah ( peace be upon him) said:

إِنَّ أَوَّلَ النَّاسِ يُقْضَى يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ عَلَيْهِ رَجُلٌ اسْتُشْهِدَ فَأُتِيَ بِهِ فَعَرَّفَهُ نِعَمَهُ فَعَرَفَهَا قَالَ فَمَا عَمِلْتَ فِيهَا قَالَ قَاتَلْتُ فِيكَ حَتَّى اسْتُشْهِدْتُ ‏.‏ قَالَ كَذَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّكَ قَاتَلْتَ لأَنْ يُقَالَ جَرِيءٌ ‏.‏ فَقَدْ قِيلَ ‏.‏ ثُمَّ أُمِرَ بِهِ فَسُحِبَ عَلَى وَجْهِهِ حَتَّى أُلْقِيَ فِي النَّارِ

"The first of men (whose case) will be decided on the Day of Judgment will be a man who died as a martyr. He shall be brought (before the Judgment Seat). Allaah will make him recount His blessings (i. e. the blessings which He had bestowed upon him) and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his life). (Then) will Allaah say: 'What did you do (to requite these blessings)?' He will say: 'I fought for Thee until I died as a martyr.' Allaah will say: 'You have told a lie. You fought that you might be called a "brave warrior". And you were called so.' (Then) orders will be passed against him and he will be dragged with his face downward and cast into Hell.

 وَرَجُلٌ تَعَلَّمَ الْعِلْمَ وَعَلَّمَهُ وَقَرَأَ الْقُرْآنَ فَأُتِيَ بِهِ فَعَرَّفَهُ نِعَمَهُ فَعَرَفَهَا قَالَ فَمَا عَمِلْتَ فِيهَا قَالَ تَعَلَّمْتُ الْعِلْمَ وَعَلَّمْتُهُ وَقَرَأْتُ فِيكَ الْقُرْآنَ ‏.‏ قَالَ كَذَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّكَ تَعَلَّمْتَ الْعِلْمَ لِيُقَالَ عَالِمٌ ‏.‏ وَقَرَأْتَ الْقُرْآنَ لِيُقَالَ هُوَ قَارِئٌ ‏.‏ فَقَدْ قِيلَ ثُمَّ أُمِرَ بِهِ فَسُحِبَ عَلَى وَجْهِهِ حَتَّى أُلْقِيَ فِي النَّارِ ‏.‏

Then will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur'aan. He will be brought And Allaah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then Allaah will ask: 'What did you do (to requite these blessings)?' He will say: 'I acquired knowledge and disseminated it and recited the Qur'aan seeking Thy pleasure.' Allah will say: 'You have told a lie. You acquired knowledge so that you might be called "a scholar," and you recited the Qur'aan so that it might be said: "He is a Qari" and such has been said.' Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire.

 وَرَجُلٌ وَسَّعَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَأَعْطَاهُ مِنْ أَصْنَافِ الْمَالِ كُلِّهِ فَأُتِيَ بِهِ فَعَرَّفَهُ نِعَمَهُ فَعَرَفَهَا قَالَ فَمَا

عَمِلْتَ فِيهَا قَالَ مَا تَرَكْتُ مِنْ سَبِيلٍ تُحِبُّ أَنْ يُنْفَقَ فِيهَا إِلاَّ أَنْفَقْتُ فِيهَا لَكَ قَالَ كَذَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّكَ فَعَلْتَ لِيُقَالَ هُوَ جَوَادٌ ‏.‏ فَقَدْ قِيلَ ثُمَّ أُمِرَ بِهِ فَسُحِبَ عَلَى وَجْهِهِ ثُمَّ أُلْقِيَ فِي النَّارِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

Then will be brought a man whom Allah had made abundantly rich and had granted every kind of wealth. He will be brought and Allaah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them and (admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Allaah will (then) ask: 'What have you done (to requite these blessings)?' He will say: 'I spent money in every cause in which Thou wished that it should be spent.' Allaah will say: 'You are lying. You did (so) that it might be said about (You): "He is a generous fellow" and so it was said.' Then will Allah pass orders and he will be dragged with his face downward and thrown into Hell." (Saheeh Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

مَنْ طَلَبَ الْعِلْمَ لِيُمَارِيَ بِهِ السُّفَهَاءَ أَوْ لِيُبَاهِيَ بِهِ الْعُلَمَاءَ أَوْ لِيَصْرِفَ وُجُوهَ النَّاسِ إِلَيْهِ فَهُوَ فِي النَّارِ

"Whoever seeks knowledge in order to argue with the foolish, or to show off before the scholars, or to attract people's attention, will be in Hell." (Sunan Ibn Maajah, Da'if [Weak].)

2) Fear of criticism:

No one likes to be criticised.

The dislike of criticism regarding religious practices may be divided into two categories:

a. The first category is that of a person who neglects a commandment of Allaah in order to avoid the criticism of his peers. However, the true believers are described in the Qur'aan as follows:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَن يَرْتَدَّ مِنكُمْ عَن دِينِهِ فَسَوْفَ يَأْتِي اللَّهُ بِقَوْمٍ يُحِبُّهُمْ وَيُحِبُّونَهُ أَذِلَّةٍ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَعِزَّةٍ عَلَى الْكَافِرِينَ يُجَاهِدُونَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ

وَلَا يَخَافُونَ لَوْمَةَ لَائِمٍ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ فَضْلُ اللَّهِ يُؤْتِيهِ مَن يَشَاءُ ۚ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ

"...They do not fear the criticism of those who criticise. And this is the blessing of Allah; He gives it to whomsoever He wishes. Verily, Allaah is Self-Sufficient, all Knowing. " [Al-Maa'idah : 54]

b. The second category is that of a person who obeys certain commandments of Islaam, not for the sake of Allaah, but because he fears people will look down upon him and criticise him if he does not do it. For example, a man may make his formal prayers in the Masjid because he does not want people to criticise him for praying at home, or to think that he is not praying at all.

3) Greed for people's possessions

If a person covets what other people possess—whether it is rank, money or power, then he will wish them to envy him similarly. For example, if he is jealous of a certain person's position in society, he will try by every possible means to attain the same position. Such desires lead people to spend their lives putting on a show for other people so that they will admire their rank, money, or power.

How does one go about seeking sincerity?

Imaam Ibn-al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) says:

"If your soul informs you to quest for Ikhlaas, turn first towards your yearning [of showing off] and slaughter it with a knife [in a state] of desperation. Then turn [in a state of] asceticism upon (i.e. against) praise and commendation... If your quest in slaughtering the yearning [of showing off], and [the acquisition of] asceticism [against] praise and commendation is successful, your [journey] shall be facilitated in your [quest] for Ikhlaas."

Tameem ad-Daaree (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said thrice (to lay stress): "The Deen is Naseehah (sincerity and sincere advice)." We said: "To whom?" He said: "To Allaah, His Book, His Messenger and to the leaders of the Muslims and the general people." [ Saheeh Muslim]

Imaam an-Nawawee (may Allaah have mercy on him) has a lengthy commentary on this Hadeeth in Sharh Saheeh Muslim, in which he says:

"Sincerity to Allaah means:

• Having faith in Him...
• Avoiding disobedience to Him;
• To love for His sake and to hate for His sake;
• To keep good relations with those that obey Him and to have enmity with those that disobey Him...
• To recognise His favours and to give thanks to Him for them;
• To have sincerity in all affairs...
• To show kindness to all the people, all those whom you are able to, in this call...
• ..Sincerity to the general Muslims ... is to guide them to what is beneficial for them, both in the Hereafter and this life. To keep harm away from them;
• To teach them that which they are ignorant of regarding the Deen...
• To help them by words and actions;
• To hide their faults and to fulfil their needs and wants;
• ... To bring that which is of benefit to them;
• Enjoin them with good and forbid them from evil, with gentleness, sincerity and compassion for them.
• Having respect for their elderly and mercy for their young.
• ...Not acting deceitfully towards them.
• To love the good things for them, which he would love for himself. To hate the bad things for them, which he would hate for himself.
• To protect their wealth and reputation,
• and encourage and advise them to take on the character of all that we have mentioned, form all the types of sincerity..."

If you skipped the last three paragraphs, I urge you to scroll up and read them slowly and carefully – they contain the prescription to our problems as an Ummah.

As Muslims, our main concern is not to score points over each other—it is to help each other gain Allaah's pleasure.

As Muslims, our job in this world is to establish the Truth—how can we presume to do that when we fail to be honest in our innermost motives?

As Muslims, our supplication is, as was the prayer of the righteous predecessors:

اللهم اجعل باطننا خيراً من ظاهرنا، واجعل ظاهرناً خيراً

Allaahummaa ij'al baatinanaa khayran min dhaahirina; wa-ija'al dhaahiranaa khayran

"O Allaah! Make the hidden aspects of our personality better than our outer persona; and make our appearance good".

How can we assume vicegerency over the Earth when we fail to be sincere slaves to our Lord; when we are concerned with outward appearances more than the state of our soul?

 

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Shaykh Sayyid al-‘Affani:

“Whoever seeks Allah and desires nobility and great honour, let him not sell his soul for a lowly price when in front of him lies Paradise and eternity. Indeed, we have only been created to live with our Creator in a Home the garden of which Allah the Most High has cultivated with His Hands.”

‘Aamir ibn ‘Abd:

“I have not looked towards anything except that I saw Allah the Most High was closer to it than myself.”

Al-Junayd:

“Know that He `azza wa jall, draws close to the hearts of His slaves according to how close they draw to Him, so look to what is drawing close to your heart.”

Al-‘Affani:

“Knowing the greatness of Allah, the King of Kings, will make it easier for a person to gain sincerity. Likewise it’s made easier knowing that the hearts and forelocks of the slaves of Allah lie in His Hands, and that He runs their affairs; He commands and prohibits, honours and disgraces. He turns the hearts of the creation, so the heart of him whom you wish to show off to in is the Hands of Him Whom you are disobeying… It is incredible that you should know Him and yet not be sincere to Him, incredible that you should hear His call and yet delay in responding. Indeed, everything has a replacement, but Allah cannot be replaced.”

One of the salaf said,

“Fight your soul and prevent it from the causes of Riya’ (showing off), and try to imagine the people around you as being like cattle or children so that you do not differ in your ‘Ibadah (worship) when they are present or absent, when they see you or not, and be content with the fact that Allah sees you.”

Abu al-Darda’ (radhiallahu `anhu) said,

“O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the humbleness of the hypocrites.” It was said, “And what is the humbleness of the hypocrites?” He said, “That you should see the body being humble, but the heart refuses to be humble.”

Dhul-Nun: “When the wise one feels comfort in solitude, then he has attained sincerity, and at that point, his wisdom will move him to the truth and correctness in matters.”

Do not rely upon the creation to grant you your wishes

Indeed that’s only a shortcoming on part of your religion

A slave has no power to grant you, not even an atom’s weight

Except with the Permission of He who made you from clay

So do not walk with the mighty in order to boast with them

Rather be modest and virtuous and exalt the sanctity of this Deen

Seek provision from Allah; from the treasures that are with Him

For indeed your provision only lies between Kaf and Nun*

* i.e. between the letters Kaf and Nun – in Arabic this spells out ‘Be,’ or ‘to become’ which is a reference to the verse: “Verily, His Command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, “Be! (kun)” and it is.” [Ya-Sin: 82].

Source: ‘Ta’tir al-Anfas min Hadith al-Ikhlas’ by Shaykh Sayyid Husayn al-’Affani

 

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“Say: Shall We tell you the greatest losers in respect of (their) deeds? Those whose efforts have been wasted in this life while they thought that they were acquiring good by their deeds!” [Al-Kahf: 103-104]

This is a thought-provoking verse that should get us to really reflect and contemplate. To get the best out of the Qur’an, one should read it as if it were a personal letter from their Lord. Ponder over every verse and see the various ways that it can apply to you. Does it offer guidance that you can follow? Does it contain a warning that you can pay heed to? Does it offer a new way of thinking that can expand your horizon? Any way we can apply a verse to our own selves, let’s apply it. That is when the Qur’an will create a dramatic change within us.

Subhan’Allah, one of the worst things that can happen to a person is for them to come on the Day of Judgement with deeds upon deeds, only to then realise that those deeds have mounted to nothing. Or that the reward has been diminished greatly. This can happen due to us failing in sincerity or intention…

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “People will be resurrected upon their intentions.” 1

Sincerity is an act of the heart and one of its most important… Acts of the heart are generally more crucial than outward acts of the limbs (prayer, fasting, Hajj etc) because the heart needs to submit to Allah before the body can submit.

Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullaah) said,

“Whoever contemplates over the Shari’ah, its source and ways, will come to know how the acts of the limbs are tied to the acts of the heart and that they do not benefit without them. He will also come to know that the acts of the heart are more obligatory upon the slave than the acts of the limbs. Is the believer distinguished from the hypocrite except by virtue of what is in the heart of each of them when it comes to deeds? Worship of the heart is greater than the worship of the limbs and it is more abundant and lasting, hence it’s mandatory at all times.” 2

Interestingly, the Salaf used to teach intentions and sincerity just like they taught other acts of worship.

Sufyan al-Thawri (rahimahullaah) said,

“They used to learn about intentions just like they used to learn about deeds.” 3

We also ought to teach how to have a good intention, how to rid oneself of Riyaa’ (showing off), how to be sincere and how to recognise the corrupting factors which lead to bankruptcy on the Day of Accounting.

Tustari (rahimahullaah):

“Intention is sincerity. Just as the outer reality (of a person) is made steadfast by good deeds, the inner reality is made steadfast by intentions. Whoever does not know his intention, does not know his Deen (religion). And whoever neglects his intention will fall into a state of confusion.”

Yahya ibn Abi Kathir (rahimahullaah):

“Learn about intentions because they travel further than deeds.” 4

Yusuf ibn Asbat said to Bashar (rahimahumullaah),

“Learn how to differentiate between a good deed and a bad deed. Indeed, it took me 22 years to learn the difference.” 5

Sulayman al-Dariani (rahimahullaah):

“Glad tidings to the one who proves sincere in one step which he takes desiring only Allah, the Most High.”

Abu Talib al-Makki (rahimahullaah):

“A righteous intention is one’s first good deed; it is the first gift of Allah (to His slave) and it is the first point of reward. A slave will only get the reward of a deed according to what Allah has gifted him with of intentions, and perhaps a single deed will gather numerous intentions according to the slave’s capacity and his knowledge, so for every intention he receives a reward and each is multiplied tenfold because they (intentions) are deeds which have been gathered within a deed.” 6

Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullaah):

“Ikhlaas (sincerity) is that which no Angel knows of such that he can write it down, and no enemy is aware of such that he can corrupt it, and the individual is not amazed at it such that he renders it invalid.” 7

Al-Susi (rahimahullaah):

“Sincerity means to lose sight of your sincerity, for indeed the one who bears witness to his sincerity, then his sincerity is in need of sincerity!”

May Allah grant us sincerity and protect us from everything that will corrupt us, ameen.

______________________

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‘Abdullah Ibn Al-Mubaarak (rahimahullah): ‘I was in Makkah when the people were afflicted with a drought. So they all came out to Masjid al-Haram for Istisqaa’ (prayer for rain) but they were not granted rain, and to my side was a black slave.

He said,

‘O Allaah! O Allaah! They have surely called You but You did not respond. I swear to You and take an oath by You that You will indeed provide water for us.’

‘Abdullah Ibn Al-Mubaarak (rahimahullah) said, ‘By Allah, it was only a short moment before we were granted rain.‘

He continued saying, ‘The black slave departed and I followed him until he entered a house in Hanatin. I put a mark on it and in the morning, I took some money and went to the house.

A man came to the door and I said to him, ‘I want to see the owner of this house.’

He said, ‘It’s me.’

I said, ‘There is a slave of yours whom I wish to purchase.’

He said, ‘I have fourteen servants, I’ll bring them out to you.’

‘Abdullah Ibn Al-Mubaarak (rahimahullah) said, ‘But he was not amongst them.’ So I said to him (the man), ‘Anyone left?’

He said, ‘A sick boy.’ He brought him out and it was him.

I said, ‘Sell him to me.’

He said, ‘He is yours, O Abu Abdur-Rahman.’

So I gave him fourteen dinaars and I took the servant. When we had gone along the way, he said ‘O master, what could you want with me when I am ill?’

I said to him, ‘It’s because of what I saw yesterday evening (during the Istisqaa’).’

The boy leaned against the wall and said,

‘O Allaah! Do not cause me to become famous but take me back to You!’

‘Abdullah Ibn Al-Mubaarak (rahimahullah): ‘He fell down dead and the people of Makkah began to surround him…’

Source: Sifat al-Safwah by Ibn al-Jawzi.

 

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… As I pulled out one of the books, my eyes fell on a chapter which I had bookmarked a couple of years ago. Unlike most normal people who bookmark chapters which they’re currently reading or are about to read, I guess I’m from the elite-but-lunatic few who only bookmark chapters which they’ve already read and passed by… (there’s a logic somewhere there, I promise!).

It was a chapter on ‘Keeping one’s deeds a secret’. Ah, it took me down memory lane… Years ago, in fact a decade ago, I remember being in the company of sisters who were (and still are) very dear to my heart; sisters who had taken me in when I was young, carefree and zealously passionate about everything which spelt ‘Islam’. We had gathered together for a halaqah at the beginning of Ramadan. The older sisters amongst us had prepared something for us youngsters, and it wasn’t food…

“Right, so here’s a chart we’ve put together so we can gain the maximum benefit from this month,” she started.

“You can personalise it as much as you like, but as you can see it’s a daily tick-chart which lists all the good deeds we should try and do on a daily basis…” She went on to explain how to use the chart while I rushed ahead and looked at all the good deeds they prepared for us to do, ‘Hmm, pretty impressive,’ I thought. It was like a mini-Hisn al-Muslim except more practical and more focused.

“… And if you look right to the bottom, you’ll see a special addition and I’ll leave you girls to ponder on that.” My eyes zapped straight to the bottom of the page…

After the list of good deeds such as Salah, Sadaqah, Dhikr, keeping ties, good character etc, there came one sentence which embodied a specific yet non-specific deed:

‘A secret deed between you and Allah.’

A shiver ran down my spine. Wow, did that sentence throw me off or what. It was amazing, not because I was unaware of such a concept as ikhlaas (sincerity), but because no-one had ever put it quite as bluntly or as straight forward as this. ‘I gotta do a secret deed?’ I thought to myself. Hmm, I was excited. (Or perhaps my wild dreams of being an acrobatic top-secret agent, working underground and virtually invisible to the world, kinda ran away with me at that point…!).

Still, there was something about it which appealed to me.

Many years later, I find that it still amazes me.

In an authentic narration, the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever among you can afford to have good deeds stored in secret, let him do it.” [Sahih al-Jami’]

Doing righteous good deeds in your own private moment and space without interference is actually a Sunnah. Worship performed in this way often boosts one’s love, sincerity and proficiency of that act of worship. Although each serves its purpose, doing good deeds on your own and away from the eyes of onlookers is starkly different and on a completely different level to when you do these deeds as part of a jama’ah (group). It tastes different, it often is different and you know, the outcome is also different.

Abu Umamah (radhiallahu `anhu) recognised this and urged it when he saw a man praying in the masjid, crying profusely and making du’a in prostration. He went to him afterwards and said,

“You… if only you did this in your own home.”

Muhammad ibn Wasi’ said,

“I have seen men, and amongst them would be a man whose head would be next to his wife’s head on the same pillow, and his tears would soak all that’s underneath his cheek yet his own wife wouldn’t even know it. I have seen men lining up in a row (for prayer), and amongst them a man would stand, his tears flowing down his cheeks, yet the person next to him wouldn’t even know it.”

Al-Hasan al-Basri also said,

“A man would be sitting in a gathering and a drop of tear comes to his eyes, he tries to keep it back until when he fears that it will overpower him, he gets up and leaves.”

Meaning that they didn’t wish to come off as being any more pious or any more soft-hearted then those around them. And if something did affect them or draw them closer to Allah `azza wa jall, they kept it between Him and them. An act of worship is between you and the One you worship, so it has little to do with others and hence there’s no reason for others to know about it or be caused to be know all about it.

One of the Salaf once said,

“Don’t do deeds so that you can be mentioned, rather hide your deeds just as you hide your sins.”

One of the special things about doing good deeds secretly is that the outcome is often great. Just as the Salaf used to say,

“The one who humbles himself for Allah, will be raised by Allah,”

they also recognised that doing good deeds away from the eyes of others often brought greatness.

Ibn al-Mubarak once mentioned Imam Malik (who was his contemporary) saying,

“I haven’t seen anyone become raised in rank like Malik has been. He doesn’t have much in the way of prayer or fasting, but I only see this to be due to some secret deed which he does.”

Once he was asked about Ibrahim ibn Adham and his credibility in relaying hadith and he said,

“Indeed, he has witnessed narrations from people, and he has great virtue within himself. He is someone who has secret righteous deeds, and I have never seen him even utter tasbih (words of remembrance) or do anything of good deeds openly.”

… And we all know of Ibrahim ibn Adham.

The examples are numerous amongst that sincere generation. But what can we do to increase our portion of a’mal al-sirr?

Some tips:

- Contemplate over the meaning of Ikhlaas. What does it really mean to you?

- We need to reach the state where people’s praise and criticism is one and the same to us. The stage where praise doesn’t do anything to raise us, and rebuttal does nothing to lower us.

- Have a high opinion of your Lord. He should be your greatest concern.

- Have a high opinion of yourself. You’re more valuable than being the chit-chat of others.

- Start now. And a good way to begin is to pray, or recite Qur’an in a corner far away from people at least once a day. Special ‘me’ time perhaps, except this is completely purposeful. It would also be just as good to give away something in secret charity, and this is actually the Qur’anic example…

“If you disclose your charitable expenditures, they are good; but if you conceal them and give them to the poor, it is better for you…” [al-Baqarah: 271]

 

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Some thoughtful quotes I came across whilst reading Shaykh al-’Affani’s book on Ikhlas (sincerity). The humbleness of the Salaf is truly admirable, this is just an insight into how they used to see themselves… 

Khalaf ibn Tamim: ‘I heard Sufyan al-Thawri saying in Makkah when the people had gathered around him,

“Lost is the Ummah when the like of me is taken as an example!”‘

And whenever he was asked a question, he would say “I am not fit to answer it.” They said, “Then who shall we ask?” He said,

“Ask the scholars and ask Allah for tawfiq (guidance).”

- this was despite him being of the major scholars in his time.

Dawud al-Ta’i: “Sins have left us, but we’re shy of much of the people’s gathering.” He also said,

“The worshippers have surpassed me and I have been cut off and left behind, O’ what ruins!”

Al-Sirri al-Saqti: “I wouldn’t like to die in a land in which I am well-known.” It was said to him, “Why is that, Abu al-Hasan?” He said,

“I fear that my grave will not accept me and I would in turn be exposed and humiliated.”

Al-Hasan al-Basri:

“I have accompanied people who when compared to them I was like a criminal thief!” (i.e. due to their virtue)

Some righteous people were once mentioned in the presence of Mukhallad ibn Husayn and he began to recite the poem…

“Do not mention them along with us and thus mix the two

Indeed the healthy one when he walks is not like the crippled.”

Qatada: ‘Isa ibn Maryam said,

“Ask me, for truly my heart is soft and I see myself to be small and humbled.”

Al-A’raj (one of Madinah’s scholars who studied under Abu Hurayrah) said:

“Examine your soul and see what evil it is upon because tomorrow every single person will be gathered with his like, so whoever falls into many sins will be gathered along with the people of those sins.”

He (rahimahullah) used to rebuke himself often and lower it, saying:

“A caller shall call on the Day of Judgement, ‘O people of such-and-such sin, rise up!’ And you will rise up with them O A’raj. Then he will call, ‘O people of such-and-such sin, rise up!’ And you shall rise up them also. Then he will call, ‘O people of such-and-such sin, rise up!’ And again you shall rise up with them as well. O A’raj, I see you rising up with every sinful group…”

Ibrahim al-Nakha’i:

“I have spoken but if I could find a way, I would never have spoken. Indeed, the era in which I become the scholar of Kufa is an evil era.”

Muhammad ibn Aslam al-Tusi:

“I have travelled in the land far and wide and by the One besides Whom there is no other God, I have not seen a soul praying towards the Qiblah that was worse in my sight than my own soul.”

Ibrahim al-Taymi:

“I have never put my deeds side by side with my speech except that I feared becoming a liar.”

Ja’far ibn Barqan: “News reached me of the virtue and righteousness of Yunus ibn ‘Ubayd, so I wrote to him saying, “O brother, write to me and tell me of your state and what you are upon (of goodness).” So he wrote back to him saying,

“Your letter has reached me asking me to inform you of my state. Let me tell you that I approached my soul and told it to love for the people what it loves for itself, and to hate for the people what it hates for itself, but I found it to be far from that. I then came to it again and told it to abandon mentioning people except that which was good, but I have found that fasting in the mid-day heat of an extremely hot day in the land of Basra to be easier than abandoning the mention of people. This, O dear brother, is my state. Wasalam.”

 

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When we start to practice Islaam, it can become easy to tell people what is right and wrong but to lose empathy for the struggles they may go through in making that decision. We may give up on them in frustration prematurely, not giving that individual a chance wrongly assuming their sins to be too great to be forgiven and wrongly assuming our good deeds to be too great to be held to account.

Yunus bin Matta (as) was a Prophet who also called his people to worship Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'la) alone and abandon their sinful ways. Despite a long period of time, only a few people believed; finally in despair Yunus supplicated to his Lord to send His punishment upon his people.  He was commanded by Allah to preach to his people for a further short period of time. When three days remained he proclaimed amongst his people that punishment would afflict them and fled:

“And (remember) Dhun-Nûn (Yunus), when he went off in anger, and imagined that We shall not punish him.” (Surah 21v87)

His people gathered together and agreed amongst themselves that Yunus was a person not known to lie and when they realised that he had fled and he must be telling the truth they repented, so Allah (swt) forgave them and showed them mercy.

“Was there any town that believed (after seeing the punishment), and its Faith saved it (from the punishment)? (The answer is none,) - except the people of Yûnus (Jonah); when they believed, We removed from them the torment of disgrace in the life of the (present) world, and permitted them to enjoy for a while.”(Surah 10, v98)

In the meantime, Yunus awaited news of what had happened to his people, and finally a traveller passed by him informing him that his people had become believers and the punishment had averted them. Fearing disgrace and being called a liar he determined not to return, and embarked upon a heavily laden ship. On its journey, the ship encountered a storm.  To lighten their load the travellers decided to throw passengers off the ship and drew lots. The name of Yunus (as) came up. As they were reluctant to throw him off the ship and anger Allah as they deemed him to be pious they drew lots three times. Each time his name came up.

“When he ran to the laden ship, He (agreed to) cast lots, and he was among the losers,”(Surah 37, v140-141)

Upon being thrown into the sea, Allah (swt) commanded for him to be swallowed up by a huge whale.

“Then a (big) fish swallowed him and he had done an act worthy of blame.” (Surah 37, v142)

In the belly of the whale he realised his mistake. He realised he disobeyed Allah (swt) by abandoning his people and fleeing before being granted permission by his Lord and he realised that this was the actual cause of his trial.

“…But he cried through the darkness (saying): Lâ ilâha illa Anta [none has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allâh)], Sub’hanaka [Glorified (and Exalted) are You above all that (evil) they associate with You]. Inni kuntu minaz Zalimun [Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers]." (Surah 21, v87)

At-Tabari reports on the authority of Ibn Wahb that this dua appeared beneath the throne of Allah and the angels said that they heard a very weak voice coming from a strange land. Allah said, “Do you not know who that is? He is our servant, Yunus.” The angels said, “Your servant Yunus, from whom there has ascended to You an accepted prayer and an accepted deed?”  Allah replied, “Yes” and commanded the whale to throw him out on the open shore.

“But We cast him forth on the naked shore while he was sick, And We caused a plant of gourd to grow over him.” (Surah 37, v147-148)

Once he regained his health, Yunus (as) returned to his people and informed them that Allah (swt) had forgiven them, and his people welcomed him with open arms.

“And We sent him to a hundred thousand (people) or even more.  And they believed; so We gave them enjoyment for a while.” (Surah 37, v147-148)

So Sisters and Brothers why am I telling you this story?  Because in this story Allah (swt) has sent for those who believe a lesson:

“So We answered his call, and delivered him from the distress. And that is how We rescue the believers (who believe in the Oneness of Allâh, abstain from evil and work righteousness).” (Surah 21, v87-88)

For me one of those lessons that I just realised is that no matter how practicing we are, we have no right to assume the sins that others commit will mean that they will not firstly repent and secondly that their repentance will not be accepted by Allah subhaanahu wa ta'la.  It is perhaps this sin that will make this slave so remorseful that they repent to Allah (az) with such a sincere repentance that they achieve Jannatul Firdaus. And perhaps it is the same act of giving up on informing the people of the difference between right and wrong that may render us to be punished.

Look at the Prophet Yunus (as). Allah (swt) punished him even though his duas and deeds were almost always accepted. And look at the people of Yunus (as). When they realised their mistake and they repented then Allah (swt) accepted their repentance.

If we are those who enjoin the good and forbid the evil, be that by giving talks, or writing articles, or just simply being a positive role model to our communities and trying to forbid the evil and enjoin the good, then we have been blessed with an honoured position by Allah (swt):

"You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah." (s3, v110)

And if we neglect this obligation upon us then this will render us to become vulnerable to the punishment of Allah (swt):

The Prophet (saws) said: "I swear by Him in whose Hands is my soul, you will of a surety command what is good, and forbid what is evil, or else it is very possible that Allah will send upon you His punishment, so you will make dua to Him, and you will not be responded to".(Tirmidhi)

But with this opportunity and honour to enjoin the good and forbid the evil we must not assume that the person we are advising is beyond hope, that they will never change, that they are a lost cause. Nor should we become frustrate and give up on trying on advise them. One day Allah (swt) may guide them to accept their faults and to repent and to be the best Muslims. If we look at the life of the Prophet Muhammad (saws), his beloved companion Umar (ra) was someone into alcohol, with a fierce temper who killed his own daughter. After he repented and accepted Islaam, he became one of the ten companions promised paradise by the Prophet (saws), being second only to Abu bakr (ra).

It may be in fact when we wish the punishment upon others for their sins, Allah (swt) will bring upon us punishment for our sins. But if we forgive others for their sins particularly when those sins lead to us being harmed then inshaa' Allah Allah (swt) will forgive us.

"...and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? ..."(s24, v22)

So I give this advice firstly to myself: I realise now not to give up hope on those who we may see committing sins and wish for their punishment. Perhaps through Allah's (swt) Mercy and guidance they will one day be in a position better than me with Allah (swt) and I may be punished for my sins as with the example of Yunus (as) and his people. Instead I realise we should make dua for them that Allah (swt) forgives them and guides them and protects them from being punished for their sins so that Allah (swt) has Mercy upon us and forgives us for our sins.

The Prophet (saw) said:“The merciful ones will be given mercy by the All-Merciful.  Be merciful to those who are on this earth, and the One in heaven will have mercy on you.”(Bukhari)

And perhaps if we ask Allah (swt) to forgive us in an effort to rescue us from our individual calamities, perhaps we ought to first make dua that Allah (swt) forgives and guides others and has mercy upon them.

 

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One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus station, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops – a few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on, six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five foot three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened – Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer and so he signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, “And why not???!!!”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Because Big John has a bus pass.”

MORAL / LESSON:

The moral of this incident/story is quite self evident. However, it is a lesson that many of us seem to overlook and disregard in the many activities and chores of our life.

We learn from this incident that a person should not be hasty in making assumptions and judging a situation or an individual from what seems to be the apparent.

It is essential that a Muslim assumes the best of his fellow being and gives him the benefit of the doubt. If possible, one should allow the fellow being to explain himself as to clear any doubts one may have.

Our Nabi [saws] has stated that being hasty is from Shaytaan whilst steady composure is from Allah [ta].

In the same manner ‘Ulamaa have stated that if there is a single reason for doubt in a matter relating to a person then that doubt should have an effect on the decision that is made.

In conclusion, one should take all factors into consideration and avoid hastiness in judging an individual. Instead, one should try to make the matter clear as to avoid placing false accusations on anyone.

 

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It is narrated from Aboo Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wassallam said:

“The gates of Paradise are opened on Mondays and Thursdays, and every slave (of Allaah) who does not associate any partners with Allaah is forgiven, except a man between whom and his brother there is some grudge. It is said, ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.’” [Muslim, Maalik, Abu Dawood] 

It’s Thursday!  Got a Grudge?

Do Not Hold it…

Reconcile.

 

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Humbleness is to know the value of oneself, to avoid pride, or disregarding the truth and underestimating people. As the Prophet [sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam] said,

"Al-Kibr (pride, haughtiness) is rejecting the truth and looking down upon people." [Muslim, Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud].

Humbleness is for one who is important and significant and he fears to gain notoriety or to become too great among people. As it was said,

"Humble yourself, you will be as a glimmering star to the viewer on the surface of the water even if it is lofty."

We don't say to an ordinary person, "Humble yourself." But it is said to him,

"Know the value of yourself, and do not place it in the wrong place!"

It was narrated by al-Khattabi in al-Uzlah that Imaam Abdullah bin al-Mubaarak came to Khuraassaan [in Persia] and went to a person who was known for his zuhd and wara' (asceticism and cautiousness in piety), so when he entered where the man was, he (the man) did not turn around nor give him any consideration at all. When 'Abdullah bin al-Mubaarak left, some of the people who were inside with the man said to him,

"Don't you know who that was?!" He said, "No," He was told, "This is the 'Ameer (leader) of the believers...this is... this is... this is... `Abdullah bin al-Mubaarak." So the man was astonished and came out to Ibn al-Mubaarak in a hurry apologizing and absolving himself from what happened, saying, "O Abu 'Abd al-Rahmaan! Forgive me and advise me!"

Ibn al-Mubaarak said,

"Yes... whenever you come out of your house and see someone, assume that he is better than you!"

He knew that the man was conceited. When Ibn al-Mubaarak inquired as to what the man's profession was, he found out that he was a weaver!!1 Therefore, this educated Imaam noticed that this mutazahhid (devoted pious person) possessed a kind of arrogance, conceitedness and feeling of superiority over others.

This disease sometimes envelops pious people; this is why he offered advice that was easy for him. Many times we find this characteristic in some of the pious people, as well as some of the du ‘aat (the caller to Islaam). But when it reaches the small students who misbehave with their shaykhs, scholars and teachers this really hurts inside! There is no objection if you differ in opinion or judgement with a scholar or a daai'y (caller to Islaam) as long as you are qualified to do so The problem occurs when this difference of opinion becomes a destructive element to the scholar's dignity, diminishes his value, disregards and disrespects him. This may be accepted from the common people, or from the people of innovation and misguidance, but it is not allowed in any circumstance for Ahl-As Sunnah (the people who follow the Prophetic Guidance) and from the students of `Ilm al-Shariyyah (knowledge of Islamic Law).

Humbleness is to humble oneself to one who is below you. If you find someone who is younger than you, or of less importance than you, you should not despise him, because he might have a better heart than you, or be less sinful, or closer to Allah than you. Even if you see a sinful person and you are righteous, do not act in arrogance towards him, and thank Allah that He saved you from the tribulation that He put him through. Remember that there might be some riyaa' or vanity in your righteous deeds that may cause them to be of no avail, and that this sinful person may be regretful and fearful concerning his bad deeds, and this may be the cause of forgiveness of his sins.

According to Jundub, may Allah be pleased with him, the Messenger of Allah a mentioned that a man said,

"By Allah, Allah will not forgive so-and-so,"

and that Allah Ta`ala said, "Who is swearing by Me that I will not forgive so-and-so? I surely have forgiven so-and-so and nullified your deed." [Muslim]. Therefore, do not act in arrogance towards anyone. Even when you see a sinner, do not act superior towards him, nor treat him with arrogance and domination. If you feel that the sinner may perform some acts of obedience which you do not, and that you may also posses some defects which the sinner may not, then deal kindly with him, and gently give da’wah which will hopefully be the cause of his acceptance and remembrance.

Humbleness is that your deed should not become too great in your eyes. If you do a good deed, or attempt to get closer to Allah (ta`ala) through an act of obedience, your deed still may not be accepted, {Allah only accepts from those who have taqwa (fear of Allah and consciousness of Him).} (Surat al-Maida: 27)

This is why some of the Salaf said,

"If I knew that Allah accepted one tasbeeh (extolling Allah) from me, I would have wished to die right now!"

Humbleness is that, when you are advised, if Shaytaan calls you to reject the advice, you must negate him. Because the purpose of advice is that your brother points out the defects that you have. As for he who Allah (ta`ala) has protected, if he finds one who will advise him and show him his defects, he'll overcome his nafs (evil inclinations of the soul), accept from him, thank and make du`aa (supplication) for him. The Prophet, may Allah be pleased with him, said,

"Al-Kibr is rejecting the truth and despising the people." [Muslim, Tirmidhi, and Abu Dawud].

The arrogant never gives credit to anybody or mentions good about someone, and if he needed to do so, he would also mention five defects of that person. But if he hears somebody reminding him about his own defects, he will not be flexible nor comply due to his inferiority complex. This is why it is among man's moral integrity to accept criticism or comment without any sensitivity or discomfort or feelings of shame and weakness. Here he is, The 'Amir of the Believers `Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, raising the flag and lifting the motto,

"May Allah have mercy on a person who informed us of our defects."

___________ 

Footnotes

1. See comments of adh-Dhahabi in aI-Mizaan concerning Waasil bin Ata'a].

 

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A group of ladies walk into a mosque. They are all beautiful physical examples of Muslim women. They are fully covered, some even in face veils with gloves, Jilbaabs (outer-garments) and Khymars (headscarfs). They are the perfect picture of Islam.

They make beautiful salaat, and even more beautiful recitation. As they are about to leave, one of them looks to a sister who is praying in the masjid and thinks, "So and so should not call herself Muslim, for she does not even wear hijab, except when she comes to masjid."

This woman has harmed herself. Islam is certainly the physical - outward appearance. It is a very valid and significant part of t he deen, but it is also the heart and the behaviour and the soul. This woman may not have backbitten the woman who was not a muhajjibah, because she did not actually say anything, but she has done something much more dangerous, much worse. Arrogance and pride have affected her. She has allowed the practices that she does, for Allah's sake, to make her feel she is superior or even safe. No one has a guarantee. We do our best to please Allah, but we all have to rely on Allah's Mercy. Also, we can not judge who is going to be saved from the fire. We do not know what Allah will do, so to look down on one who does not practice as we do is arrogance, and we must avoid it.

The Apostle of Allah (saws) observed, “He who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride shall not enter Paradise.” A person (amongst his hearers) said: ‘Verily a person loves that his dress should be fine, and his shoes should be fine.’ He (the Prophet) remarked, “Verily, Allah is Graceful and He loves Grace. Pride is disdaining the truth (out of self-conceit) and contempt for the people.” [Sahih Muslim: Book 1, Number 0164.]

Some of our beloved Prophet's companions used to fear so much that they were not doing enough that they would sometimes faint from fear of Allah, while they were spending the nights praying and the days fasting and devoting their lives to Allah. Who are we to think we have a guarantee?

In the previous Prophetic Narration, the Messenger of Allah is clearly warning us that we have no right to look down on one another. No matter what. Even if the person is a sinner, we have no right. Look to the example of the adulterous man being punished. The man had confessed and been stoned to death.

"...Then the Prophet (saws)) heard one of his companions saying to another: ‘Look at this man whose fault was concealed by Allah but who would not leave the matter alone, so that he was stoned like a dog.’ He said nothing to them but walked on for a time till he came to the corpse of an ass with its legs in the air. He asked: ‘Where are so and so?’ They said: ‘Here we are, Apostle of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam)!’ He said: ‘Go down and eat some of this ass's corpse.’ They replied: ‘Apostle of Allah! Who can eat any of this?’ He said: ‘The dishonour you have just shown to your brother is more serious than eating some of it. By Him in Whose hand my soul is, he is now among the rivers of Paradise and plunging into them.’ [Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 38, Number 4414. ]

Look to this example. The man had committed a major sin. He had confessed to the sin. Yet, his repentance for that sin was sincere. We must not judge others because they sin, for that is for Allah Only. Under a Islamic Government, we can give out the punishments that Allah has mandated, and then leave it to Allah to forgive them or not. We can not decide. We are not privy to what is in the heart. We can talk to the one who is not doing something Islam mandates, like hijaab or beard or avoiding music or whatever, but we can not even try to believe that we are better than they are. For we do not know their circumstances or what is in their hearts or even their fates. That is for Allah.

Look to the example of the prostitute. If we had seen her in the street, what would we have thought of her? Yet she was granted Paradise for a small deed she did.

Allah's Apostle said, "A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that." [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 4, Book 54, Number 538.]

We can not be happy with her sins, but we must teach her and not abuse her, nor should we be certain that we are so much better than her. Furthermore, we should take the time to teach those who we see committing sins, if we can. The person may simply be ignorant of the correct Islamic practices. We should try to teach them and maybe gain something ourselves from this effort. It may be that this person has something to offer you in the way of goodness.

Some Muslims look down on others because of factors like race and national origin or because they are poor or even because they are rich. I have seen some Arab women looking down on the convert Americans because, perhaps, they were not virgins before accepting Islam. Yet, many of these same women are stronger in their faith after accepting Islam than the women who look down upon them. I have seen some Pakistani's look down to a Muslim because he is black. Yet this black man is more Allah-fearing than those looking down on him. I have seen American Muslims looking to the rich Arabs and Pakistani's and reviling them because they do not SEE them giving money to those in need, yet none of us knows what is secretly done by them. We have to stop being so self-righteous. We, as Muslims, are consistently seeking ways to alienate each other, when we should be seeking to help one another Allah says, {... help one another in goodness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and aggression; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah; surely Allah is severe in requiting (evil).} (5:2)

When we are harsh with one another, when we look down on one another, we may be pushing the weaker of us to commit more sin. Think about it. Would you accept advice from one that looks down on you or insults you? Of course not. We must respect and like someone to take advice from him or her. No matter how bad the actions of the Muslim seem to us, we must never think we are so much better that we have the right to insult or even look down upon anyone. Look to the example of our merciful Prophet: Narrated Anas bin Malik,

“A Bedouin came and passed urine in one corner of the mosque. The people shouted at him but the Prophet stopped them till he finished urinating. The Prophet ordered them to spill a bucket of water over that place and they did so.” [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 4, Number 221.]

The Muslims shouted at him, they were abusive, but the Prophet in his great mercy and wisdom, knew that this is not the way to teach. My old teacher, Ghassan Al Baraqawi, once told me,

"Teach, do not preach, for the people like explanation, not confrontation."

These are wise words. We need to think about what we think and say so that we can actually help each other, not tear each other down. There is none amongst us who can claim to be perfect. There is none amongst us who can guarantee that he/she will enter Jannah with no trial or punishment. We must not try to usurp the role of Allah by passing judgement on one another.

Pride is dangerous. Look at the example of Rasool Allah. We have to avoid feeling proud, even of our Islaam.

Allah's Apostle said, "Allah will not look on the Day of Judgment at him who drags his robe (behind him) out of pride." Abu Bakr said "One side of my robe slacks down unless I get very cautious about it." Allah's Apostle said, "But you do not do that with a pride." [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 5, Book 57, Number 17.] Pride and arrogance are the tools of Shaytan. When he was told to prostrate to Adam, and he refused, it became his own doing. Allah says,

{And behold, We said to the angels: "Bow down to Adam" and they bowed down. Not so Iblis: he refused and was haughty: He was of those who reject Faith.} (2:34)

Also, if you see this in you, beware of trying to justify yourself. Look to the example of Shaytan and his justifications when Allah questioned him about his refusal to prostrate, He (Allah) said,

{What hindered you so that you did not prostrate when I commanded you? He said: ‘I am better than he: You have created me of fire, while him You create of dust.’ He said: ‘Then get forth from this (state), for it does not befit you to behave proudly therein. Go forth, therefore, surely you are of those degraded.’} (7:12/13)

We can not allow ourselves to fall into this horrible trap from Shaytan. We can not allow ourselves to think we are better, for the sin of pride is great. Allah says,

{And when it is said to him, guard against (the punishment of) Allah; pride carries him off to sin, therefore hell is sufficient for him; and certainly it is an evil resting place.} (2:206)

So, brothers and sisters: Next time you see someone who is doing wrong, either in appearance or action, think twice before you think you are better.

Go to the person, if you can, with friendship and gentleness. Advise. Do not assume the worst. Give him or her seventy excuses for the sin, and try to help him/her to understand the evil involved. Do not expect a change - Just advise. Leave any changes to Allah. The person may get angry or try to dispute with you. Do not fall into this trick of Shaytan. Just leave him/her with the evidences from Allah's book and the authentic sunnah (Prophetic Guidance), and let it be. It is for them to accept or reject, and your job will be done. But do not leave them thinking yourself superior.

Also, next time you see someone from another culture or background, do not judge them based on your preconceived notions about that group. See the individual... Talk to him/her. It may be that they will have some advice that will benefit you. It may be that while you may dress more Islamicly, they have better Islamic manners than you do. Do not assume that because you look more like a Muslim that you are the better Muslim. Fear Allah, brothers and sisters. Fear Allah, and give each Muslim his due. In truth, the most evil and wretched amongst us is better than the best of the non-Muslims, and it is our job to advise each other to bring each other up from the darkness and filth of sin to the light and cleanliness of obeying Allah.

Yaa Allah, make us love one another.

Yaa Allah, make us help one another.

Yaa Allah, prevent us from hurting one another.

Yaa Allah, make us truly brothers and sisters.

Make us one body... one heart.

Aameen.

 

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The story of Uwais Al-Qarni was mentioned in Sahih Muslim as well as in other books. Now even though he was from the Tabi’een and did not see the Messenger [salah Allahu Alaihi wa salam], the Messenger [salah Allahu Alaihi wa salam] had advised ‘Umar ibn Al-Khatab [radiya Allahu ‘Anhu] that if he meets [Uwais] then he, ‘Umar, should ask Uwais to ask Allah to forgive him and to make supplication for him.

Thus ‘Umar [may Allah be pleased with him], during his Caliphate, used to ask all the delegates coming from Yemen: ‘Is Uwais among you?’, until finally during one of the years he met him. He found him a man not among the nobles of his people; nobody cares much for him, even those accompanying him, sidelined. So ‘Umar told him about the advice Prophet Muhammad gave him and asked Uwais to ask Allah the Exalted to forgive him. When ‘Umar discovered that Uwais was headed to Al-Kuffa he offered to write a letter to his assistant over there, so that he treats him with hospitality. However, Uwais refused and requested that ‘Umar doesn’t do that. He explained his request that he would love to live as an unknown among the people.

Now, I do not claim that I met that noble Tabi’ee himself; rather I met a man from his school. A man following in the same footsteps of Uwais, and here is what happened...

During one of the Fridays of Ramadan, I left my house to give the Friday Khutbah in one of the Masjids of Al-Jam’iyah Al-Shar’eyah in Cairo. While riding my car my clear white thawb (dress worn by men in Arab countries) was stained with a black spot. That really upset me. I asked myself, ‘How could I stand in front of the people giving the Khutbah when this spot had stained my elegant dress?’ I left the car and headed towards the Masjid. During my walk I passed by a store that had a big mirror at its entrance. I stood in front of it fixing my clothes and making sure my head covering was placed properly. I then continued to the Masjid.

I reached the Masjid, but the issue of the stain was still bothering me. The entrance of the Masjid had a few beggars standing there. They usually stand there during this blessed month, each of them with a story that he uses to gain the sympathy of the people who come to pray. I didn’t give them much attention and entered the Masjid. I climbed the Minbar quickly, hoping that no one would get a chance to see the black spot that stained my dress in the car.

I delivered the Khutbah, and then we prayed. After prayers, I leaned my back at a pillar that was next to the Qiblah, and I stretched my legs to relax.

Now Egyptians usually go and shake the hands of the Imaam after the prayers making supplications for him. I started shaking their hands while being seated in the same manner, and replied to their supplications by nodding my head up and down. I was really exhausted at this time because of the hot weather and the fasting.

At that point, I noticed a blind man crossing the lines with extreme difficulty, asking for the Shaykh (referring to me). Nobody was paying attention to his request, rather some of them were waving their hands in an annoyed manner as the blind man was unintentionally coming in contact with them while crossing the lines. The caretaker of the Masjid took his hand and brought him to me. I looked at him, and saw that his clothe were worn-out. He had the appearance of a person that if he greets others they would not reply back to him, and if he speaks no one would care about what he said. My first impression was that he was one of the beggars I saw at the entrance of the Masjid.

The man reached where I was seated; he greeted me and I replied to his greeting while still being seated in the same manner I described earlier, relaxed and with my legs stretched.

I waited for him to start by telling me how miserable his life is, like beggars usually do, but he didn’t.

Rather he started by praising the topic of my Khutbah!! I though to myself, ‘A new method of begging! Yo start by showing that you understood what was mentioned in the Khutbah so that my heart would soften?!’.

Then he said:

“Although, I have some remarks about your Khutbah, so I hope you do not mind listening to them.”

I said in amazement, while still sitting in the same manner, “Remarks on my Khutbah!! and you are the one that will point them out?!”

He replied,

“Yes.”

I said, “Regarding what aspects of the Khutbah?”

He said,

“In the Language, Hadith, and Tafseer”.

After that I honestly, stared at his face in astonishment, and said, “And to what extend is your knowledge in these sciences?”

He introduced himself to me, he was a graduate of Dar Al-‘Uloom and specialized in Islamic Sharee’ah. He had completed several papers/studies on Tafseer, and he studied along side several known scholars.

I looked at the people around me in the Masjid and they nodded their heads, affirming what the man was saying.

At that point I sat straight, and crossed my legs, and said to the man, “And what are these remarks you had, my dear respected sir?”

He said,

“As for the language, you have used some words of the ‘Amiyah (slang) and that ruins the nobility and sublimity of the Khutbah” (he then continued speaking to me about the importance of the Khateeb using the proper language, with words that increased my love to our beautiful language).

As for the Hadith, you quoted some traditions and mentioned the sources of some, but didn’t do that for the rest. Also how can you quote a tradition and refer it to Aboo Dawud, while it is in Bukhaari don’t you know that this is something that relegates the status of the speaker?! (He then continued speaking to me about the methods and manners of the scholars of hadith, which increased my love for the Science of Hadith).

As for the Tafseer, you mentioned some statements of those who interpret the Quran by their opinion, so beware when speaking about the Book of Allah and do not be like a night-time woodcutter (lumberjack).” (He then he continued speaking to me about the different methodologies used by the people of Tafseer, which increased my love to the science of Tafseer).

By that time, people had dispersed from around us.

As he was about to stand, I stood quickly and took his hand. I then rushed and got him his shoes, and assisted him in putting it on. He kept asking me not to. I took him by his hand so as to take him to his home, but he swore to me not to.

At that point, I saw that we were behind a wall where no one can see us, so I took out a sum of money from my pocket, and I politely requested that he accepts it from me. Here, he got mad and raised his voice a little scolding me roughly. I apologized to him, and he accepted my apology, and said:

“You might have felt sorry for me, when you saw the way I am dressed.”

I said: “Yes, and I hope you can forgive me for not thinking highly of you the first time I saw you.” so he forgave me.

I told him, “Please, comfort me, how do you live and with whom?”

He said,

“I will answer you briefly. I have a small income, but Allah has blessed it with His Grace, and it suffices me from the disgrace of asking others.”

I asked, “With whom do you live?”

He replied,

“By myself, as my children and wife have already beaten me to the Hereafter.”

He then said,

“I want nothing from this Dunyaa (world), and my relationship with it is not that good. All I need is a dress to cover my body and a meal that would silence my hunger, and apart from that I do not need anything.”

So I fell on his hand to kiss it, and I shook his hand and walked away for a few steps. Then I looked back at where he was heading. I saw that the people were giving him no notice as he held his stick, which he used to feel the road in front of him.

As for me, I walked thinking about myself, and how upset I was when my clean white dress got stained. As I walked, cars would slow down so that I can cross the street, and people passing would come by to shake my hands and ask me for supplications.

They were all deceived by my looks and appearance.

I remembered the statement of Prophet Muhammad [Salah Allah ‘Alaihi wa Salam], when he was between his companions and a man passed by who had the appearance of a wealthy man. So he [Salah Allah ‘Alaihi wa Salam] asked,

“What do you say about that [man]?”

They said: “O Prophet of Allah, he is the kind of person that when he speaks we would listen, and if he asks for our daughter’s hand in marriage we won’t oppose, and if he intercedes for someone we would accept his intercession.” Then a man who appeared poor and needy passed by, so he [Salah Allah ‘Alaihi wa Salam] asked,

“And what do you say about that man?”

They said: “He is the sort of person, that if he speaks we won’t listen to what he has to say, and if he requests our daughter’s hand in marriage we would oppose his request, and if he intercedes for someone we would not accept his intercession.” Then he [Salah Allah ‘Alaihi wa Salam] said: “That [poor] man is better (worth more) than all the earth filled with that other man.”

- Aw Kamaa Qaal Salah Allah ‘Alaihi wa Salam".

 

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The situation of the Ummah today necessitates that we remind ourselves of some important and beneficial reminders that will help us in our situation and relieve us from the resultant grief and concerns that we suffer from. We may also suffer from personal problems that also require a similar remedy. From amongst the legislated ways to repel the negative effects of trials and tribulations is ṣalāh itself.

The Prophets and the righteous understood the huge status of ṣalāh among other acts of worship and so they used to resort to it and what it contains in terms of Qur’ān, dhikr and du’ā when tribulations and tests would befall them. It is authentically reported that Ṣuhaib (radiy Allāhu ‘anhu) said,

“When the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) used to pray he would whisper something we could not hear…and they (i.e. the Prophets) would flee to prayer when they were alarmed or dismayed by something.”[1]

Imām Aḥmad also reported in his Musnad with a good chain of narration that ‘Ali (radiy Allāhu ‘anhu) said on the day of the Battle of Badr,

“I looked at ourselves and saw that everyone was asleep except for the Messenger of Allāh (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam), who was underneath a tree praying and weeping until the morning.”[2]

‘Abdullāh b. Mas’ūd (radiy Allāhu ‘anhu) also narrated that the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) would beseech Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) when praying when the two armies clashed during the Battle of Badr,

“The Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) stood praying and I never saw anyone implore anyone like I saw the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) implore his Lord. He (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) would say, “O Allāh! I beseech you to fulfil your promise!” and then he mentioned the established and well known supplication.[3]

Imām al-Bukhāri (raḥimahullāh) also reported on the authority of Umm Salamah (radiy Allāhu ‘anha) that, “the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) woke up one night and said, “Glory be to Allāh! What great afflictions have been sent down tonight! What great treasures have been opened up tonight as well! Awaken the women sleeping in these dwellings for perhaps a person who is clothed in this life will be naked in the afterlife.”[4] Ibn Ḥajar (raḥimahullāh) commented upon this narration by saying, “In this narration we learn the recommendation of hastening to prayer when one fears imminent evil just as Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) said, “and seek help through ṣabr and prayer.” (2:45) and when the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) became distressed by anything he would hasten to prayer and he would command the one who saw something in their dreams that they disliked, to also pray.”[5]

Moreover, it is reported that ‘Abdullāh b. al-Naḍr (raḥimahullāh) said, “My father mentioned to me that Darkness prevailed in the time of Anas b. Mālik (raḥimahullāh), I came to Anas (radiy Allāhu ‘anhu) and said (to him), “Abū Hamzah! Did anything like this happen to you in the time of the Messenger of Allāh (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam)? He replied, “I seek refuge in Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā). If the wind blew violently, we would run quickly towards the mosque for fear of the coming of the Day of Judgment.”[6]

It was also reported that while Ibn ‘Abbās (radiy Allāhu ‘anhu) was travelling, news of the death of his brother reached him. He then said, “Indeed we belong to Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) and unto Him we shall return” and then took to the side of the road and prayed two units of prayer and then walked over to his riding animal saying, “And seek help in ṣabr and prayer.”[7] It is due to this narration and other similar narrations that Imām al-Ājurri (raḥimahullāh) and other scholars said that it is recommended for someone who has been afflicted with a tribulation to pray two units of prayer.[8]

Therefore, ṣalāh, du’ā and the recitation of the Qur’ān are from the greatest means to remain steadfast during testing times and tribulations. This is because turning to these acts of worship endues a sense of awe and closeness to Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) and helps one attain the special care and protection from Him (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā). It is unfortunate though that you will find many people that are heedless of this sunnah and in fact, for many people, prayer is probably the last thing on their minds when they suffer from such tribulations since they feel as though they are not in the “right frame of mind” to pray! If only they would try earnestly to turn to Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) they would find something else!

Whether you feel the brunt of the trials and tribulations of the ummah or suffer from your own personal trials, turn to prayer, for you will find a hidden enclave that will shelter you from the difficulties and harms of life. Let us also not forget the powerful tradition of the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam),

“Worshiping during the period of widespread turmoil is like emigration towards me.”[9]

And Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta’ālā) knows best.

Source: Based on an article written by Sheikh Nāṣir al-‘Umar: al-Isti’ānah bi al-Ṣalāh ‘alal-Aḥdāth.

Notes:

[1] Reported by Aḥmad in al-Musnad (4/333)

[2] Ibid (1/125)

[3] Al-Sunan al-Kubrā (6/155)

[4] Al-Bukhāri (115)

[5] Fatḥ al-Bāri (1/211)

[6] Abū Dāwūd (1196)

[7] Shu’ab al-Imān by al-Bayhaqi (7/114)

[8] Cf. Al-Furū’ by Ibn Mufliḥ (2/285)

[9] Muslim (2948)

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Here, in a neat set of bullet points, is what is optimal:

High in past-positive time perspective

Moderately high in future time perspective

Moderately high in present-hedonistic time perspective

Low in past-negative time perspective

Low in present-fatalistic time perspective.

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Happiness. It’s the term thrown around more often than any other term when people are asked what they are looking for in life. A loving partner, a fun high-paying job and endless world travel are also amongst some of the most common answers, however all of these are preference-based means to the one ultimate end, which is happiness. Being so sought-after, I thought I’d comprise a list of common traits that seem to be found in happy people -and I’m talking about the genuinely happy people, and not just those who appear to be so on the surface.

By compiling this list I’m not suggesting that these are the only keys to happiness, I’m simply shedding light on some common characteristics I’ve come to find.

1. Love Themselves For Who They Are
On the surface this may sound incredibly egotistical, but by it I simply mean that they are truly comfortable in their own shoes. They accept and embrace themselves physically, they maintain their true character traits regardless of whether or not they receive approval and they work to make the best of the human experience they are living -rather than wallow in what others would define as weaknesses or shortcomings.

2. See Relationships As An Extension To, Rather Than The Basis Of The Human Experience
Relationships, whether friendly, familial or romantic, are certainly one of the greatest parts of the human experience. However, far too many of us let their presence or absence, and even more so the value we attribute to them dictate our overall happiness in life. I’ve found that genuinely happy people tend to find complete contentment within themselves, and see all relationships as the awesome extension to their self-content. It’s often when we are not looking for others to fill a particular void, or to make us feel a certain way, that most of the truest and most-valuable relationships are formed.

3. Embrace Change
Life is a constant lesson and happy people tend to be well-aware of that. Not only are they always open to change, but they truly listen to suggestions, respect and consider all opinions and take criticism constructively rather than offensively.

4. Celebrate Rather Than Compare Themselves To The Accomplishments Of Others
Jealousy is a killer, and as Gary Allan once said,

“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.”

We are all capable of accomplishing anything in this life and are the only ones that are going to find the drive within ourselves to do it. Rather than observe and compare to those who have accomplished, the truly happy tend to celebrate it and use it as motivation to accomplish things within their own lives.

5. Never Dwell In Being A Victim
We’ve all been the so-called ‘victim’ to several things in life. Whether it be an unexpected break-up, getting fired from a job, or even something as serious as the recipient of domestic abuse. Truly happy people tend to be those who choose not to dwell in it. They choose to let the victimization strengthen them, rather than wear it as a badge of weakness or as the thing that makes them consistently worthy of receiving sympathy.

6. They Live In The Present
As fun as reminiscing about the past or fantasizing about the future can be, nothing will ever be done in anything but the present and happy people tend to realize that. Not only do they realize it, but they tend to use it as motivation to make the most of it. In addition to being motivating, presence can also come in handy for truly appreciating those moments of relaxation, allowing yourself to be truly in them, rather than projecting future concerns into them.

7. Trust That Everything Happens For A Reason
This can very easily be paired with the choice to not be a victim, but happy people tend to trust the process and existence of everything in their life. They know that nothing is ever too big to handle and choose to embrace what life is currently throwing at them rather than cowering at the sight of it.

8. They Don’t Let Money Dictate Their Lives
Nobody is denying that in this world right now we all need money to exist, and as a result many of us spend the bulk of our lives doing things that help us earn it. What I’ve found to differentiate happy people is that they don’t let money be the ultimate dictator in their life. They still make sensible choices within their means, but they never let money:

A) prevent them from pursuing a so-called “risky” passion,

B) be the factor that is blamed for why their life is so miserable,

C) complain about how little they have.

There are creative ways to do everything in this world, and seeing money as only being possible to make in the standard ways is the most crippling thing to that creativity.

9. Look Within For Solutions
One of the most powerful realizations a genuinely happy person will often operate based on is “change starts within.” The empowerment that comes as a result of not only realizing this but even more so in using it as the backbone to everything in life can be quite remarkable. There are thousands of books, mantras, techniques and practices out there that can all help us to find solutions to so many things in life, but they all require one thing to truly be serviceable: the consciousness to support them.

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Shaykh 'Uthaimeen (rahimahullaah) gives the solution to sadness, depression and grief:

"Indeed the Legislation orders us to keep away from everything which causes regret. Allaah سبحانه said:

"Secret counsels (conspiracies) are only from Satan, in order that he may cause grief to the believers. But he cannot harm them in the least, except as Allaah permits." [Mujaadilah, 58:10]

And Allaah تعالى only told us this so that we keep away from it, it was not merely a piece of information telling us that the Devil wants to cause us grief, no, what is meant is that we keep away from everything which causes grief. And for this reason the Prophet ﷺ said, "When there are three people, two should not converse together to the exclusion of the third." [Agreed upon]

So everything which brings about sadness in a person is forbidden ...

The Prophet ﷺ ordered a person who saw a dream that he disliked to dry-spit to his left three times and seek Allaah's Refuge from its evil and the evil of the Devil and to then turn to the other side [to sleep on] and not to tell anyone about it and to perform ablution and pray—all of this so that a person can drive away all of these things [grief etc.] ...

And that is why the Companions said that we used to see dreams and become ill because of them, but when the Prophet of Allaah ﷺ told us this hadith ... i.e., they relaxed and no worry remained.

So the Legislator wants us to avoid everything which brings about worry, grief, and sadness, and for this reason Allaah تعالى said:

"So whosoever intends to perform Hajj therein then he should not have sexual relations (with his wife), nor commit sin, nor dispute unjustly during the Hajj." [Baqarah 2:197]

Because disputes make a person defend himself and his thoughts change for the sake of the argumentation, and he will became worried and it will distract him from worship.

The point is: Always keep in mind the fact that Allaah عزوجل wants you to be happy all the time, far from grief.

And in reality a person has three situations:

1. A past situation;
2. A present;
3. Aa future one.

The Past

A person forgets the past and the worry that it had because it and what it contained is over, if it was a calamity, then say:

اللهُمَّ أَجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي، وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا

"O Allaah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," [Muslim]

...and forget about it.

And for this reason He forbade wailing over the dead, why? Because it renews the grief and reminds one of it.

The Future

As for the future, its knowledge is with Allaah عزوجل, rely on Allaah and when issues come to you then seek their solution, but those things which the Legislator has ordered you to prepare for then prepare for them.

The Present

It is the present time which it is possible for you to deal with, try to keep away from everything that causes worry, grief and sadness so that you can always be relaxed and have an open breast, dedicating yourself to Allaah and worshipping Him and [dedicating yourself] to your worldly affairs and those connected to the Hereafter.

When you try this, you will relax.

As for tiring yourself over what has passed or worrying about the future in a manner the legislation has not allowed, then know that [if you do so] you will become exhausted and lose out on much good."

Source: Fathu Dhil-Jalaali wal-Ikraam bi Sharh Bulughil-Maraam, vol. 3, pp. 532-533.

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She opens her wardrobe. Two dozen dresses— red, yellow, orange, pink, and you-name-it— are hanging there. After a cursory glance, she bangs the door shut.

"Mom, I have nothing to wear for the party," she whines. "I've been begging you to take me shopping for ages— you never listen to me! What do I do now?"

He's rummaging in the fridge for the fourth time. Pizza, chocolate, ice-cream, fruits, and juices are stuffed inside. He closes the door despondently and leaves the kitchen, saying, "There's nothing much to eat in here. Let's go to the café and get some decent food."

She wakes up with the same feelings of depression and dread that she's been experiencing every morning. Thoughts of suicide are again floating in her mind. She's married to a handsome man and has two lovely kids, a home, and a car— everything most women would ask for. Apparently, life is perfect, but something is missing; she's just not married to the man of her dreams.

He's seventeen years old. He has an iPhone, Core I-7 Dell, and 1000 bucks monthly pocket money, but according to him his life sucks. He can't focus on his textbook. He slams it shut and starts pacing the room as he thinks aloud: "If my friend can own a Jaguar, why the hell can't I? Everything sucks."

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

The Ingratitude Habit

As we grow up, we get tuned to be ungrateful, to be blind to the blessings in our lives. We focus all our energy and attention on looking for what's lacking in our lives. This is really ironic, because the more we focus on scarcity, the more we tend to attract it.

How to Become a Black Hole of Despair

Research has proven that our thoughts and emotions emit powerful signals, and that these signals have the ability to attract signals of the same frequency! In other words, whenever you're ungrateful or have negative, self-defeating thoughts (for example, I never seem to have enough of money, or I can never be healthy, or I'll never find a practicing husband) or worry about issues beyond your control, you're actually emitting energies that will attract similar energies. Ultimately, you'll end up becoming a black hole of despair. All the worries, arguments, and frustration just lead to more of the same.

Want to try to attract more peace, joy, harmony, ease, and prosperity? Choose your thoughts consciously and carefully.

Open Secrets in the Quran

Today non-Muslim researchers have discovered these secrets in the name of natural laws, while these "open secrets" were given to us in the Quran 1400 years ago. Psychologists and philosophers have painstakingly conducted research and come up with new theories and ideas. All this "newly discovered" stuff was presented to us in the Quran in no uncertain terms. Allah (swt) promises us: If you are grateful, I'll give you more.

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' [Quran, 14:7]

This is a ready-made formula for attracting more of what you want in life.

Surah Al-Faatihah: A Pillar's Pillar

It is well-known that prayer, the important pillar of Islam, is incomplete without Surah Fatihah. Surah Fatihah begins with expressing our gratitude to our Lord for the countless blessings He has showered upon us.

Have you ever noticed that a lot of duas taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also start with the same expression of gratitude— alhamdulillah? The day starts with the supplication Alhmdulillahilazi ahyana... (All praise and thanks be to the one who gave us life.)

Allah (swt) wants you to start your day in a super-charged state, attracting ample happiness and abundance in life.

The meal ends with the supplication Alhmdulillahizli at'amana wa sakana . . .(All praise and thanks be to the one who gave us food and drink). Why? Because He always wants you to have better food every time you eat. The same expression— alhamdulillah; it's not a coincidence, is it?

Getting Back on Track

Gratitude is one of the quickest ways to regain our focus. When we feel stuck it means we're giving too much attention to something that doesn't really deserve it. Most so-called problems are usually mundane preoccupations and mental obsessions. We focus so much on one area to the exclusion of everything else that we create and thus magnify our problems.

Surprisingly, when we focus so much on what's not working, we can't even access the part of our brain that provides us with solutions. So, when something is not working, we should focus on what is working and say alhmdulillahi rabbil 3lameen aloud.

What do you think you're doing by saying this? You're freeing your mind from those thoughts that bog you down and reinforcing strong, positive beliefs that even if some areas are not working in life, others definitely are. In this way, you're able to think in a quicker and better way to resolve what's not working in life. Try it out!

It's reported that some of the companions of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) were even grateful for the calamities they faced and presented their gratitude to Allah (swt) for not letting something worse befall them. Now that's the attitude of gratitude!

Being grateful to Allah (swt) does wonders. When you'll acknowledge His hand in your life, miracles will happen. You'll be in the middle of a problem, not knowing what might happen next, and suddenly the solution will dawn upon you. You might be in dire need of money and someone might, for example, return to you an old loan that you completely forgot about. Or you might be missing your loved ones and they give you a call right then.

We usually ignore many things that are readily available to us and need a big reason to be grateful. Our family, friends, body, health, job, leisure time, education, food, wisdom, smiles, children, and even the painful lessons that life teaches us (and the list goes on) are huge blessings to be grateful for. If you don't have the same feeling, just close your eyes and imagine one of these blessings vanishing from your life. How does that feel? This is exactly the reason you need to be thankful each day, every moment.

All of us need a bit of fine tuning, so below are some tools that I am sharing with you to enable you to be grateful to Him and let the magic unfold.

Essential Tools for a Grateful Life:

1). Make a list of twenty things you appreciate right now. Write alhamdullilah in front of every blessing. Make a list of the things you feel good about and why you're grateful for that thing, situation, or person in your life. How did you feel doing this? Here's the good news: you just increased your positive emissions and now you are actually able to attract more happiness, abundance, and prosperity in your life.

2). Start looking for everything you can be grateful for in life and start talking about it all the time no matter how insignificant it is. If you find a buck from your old shirt's pocket, celebrate. Go around and tell everyone how grateful you are for that. That's how you are actually tuning your mind to show gratitude for tiniest blessing in your life.

3). Try to seek the positive in every negative. Take out at least three good lessons from every painful experience and be grateful that life threw that situation at you so that you could learn.

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*Interesting Read: WOMEN SPEAKERS ADDRESSING MIXED GATHERINGS.

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A young, new Ustaadh (teacher) was walking with an older, more seasoned Ustaadh in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what Allaah had for him to do, he was asking the older Ustaadh for some advice. The older Ustaadh walked up to a rosebush and handed the young Ustaadh a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young Ustaadh looked in disbelief at the older Ustaadh and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of Allaah for his life and ministry.

But because of his great respect for the older Ustaadh, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact... It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger Ustaadh's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older Ustaadh began to recite the following poem...

"It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of Allah's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
Allaah opens this flower so sweetly,
Then in my hands they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of Allaah's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Allaah for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to Allaah for His guidance
Each step of the way.

The pathway that lies before me,
Only Allaah knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose."

{Say: "Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is our Mawla (protector)." And in Allah let the believers put their trust.} (Qur'aan, Surah Tawbah, Verse 51)

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Thinking positive can work miracles. You may have been told to "guard your thoughts", but felt the advice to be pointless. After all, your thoughts are private. How can they possibly affect someone else? The fact is, thoughts do seem to boomerang in some mysterious ways. Science has not found a way to measure them as they have invisible sound waves. In order to understand how positive thinking works, and how to use it efficiently, it is important to understand the power of negative thinking.

"Negative thoughts and tensions are like birds. We cannot stop them from flying near us but, we can certainly stop them from making a nest in our mind."

The mind can be directed towards positive thinking or negative thinking. The power of thought is a neutral power. The way one thinks determines whether the results are positive and beneficial or negative and harmful. It is the same of energy acting in different ways. Persistent inner work can change habits of thoughts. You must be willing to put energy and time to avoid negative thinking and pursue positive thinking, in order to change your mental attitude. Think of those things which are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, in other words, to fill your mind with noble, good thoughts, leaving no room for negative ones to take root.

The Noble Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) has reported that Allaah, The Most Wise, said: "I treat my servant as how he thinks of Me" (Bukhari &Muslim). In other words, Allaah Ta'ala treats His servant in the way how he thinks of Allaah, what he hopes from and how he sets his hopes on Allaah. So, those who come positive and with a great hope to the door of Mercy of the Almighty Creator will Inshaa'Allaah not return empty-handed.

The most powerful weapon you have at your disposal is Du'a (prayer). Use it and use it often. The basis of prayer is to lift us and situations to Almighty Allaah-- an inner act of visualisation. A further step is to contemplate on our beautiful teachings of Islaam -- this involves controlling and directing out thoughts. A simple way to think of this is to imagine your mind to be like a garden. That garden can be spoilt and overrun by negative, destructive thoughts (weeds), or it can become a place of peace and harmony by the cultivation of flowers (uplifting thoughts).

"Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers. Or you can grow weeds."

Are you prone to depression? Do you see your life as a hopeless mess... consider yourself a failure? If you do, then you will close your mind, see no opportunities, and behave and react in such ways, as to repel people and opportunities. You let the power of negative thinking rule your life. Try replacing such negative thoughts with positive ones. Talk to your beloved Allaah, Allaah does not create a lock without a key, and Allaah doesn't give you problems without its solutions. Trust HIM! While recognising these problems, picture yourself as mastering each one. Visualise yourself handling each situation creatively; being a success; gradually allowing your given potential to blossom.

The beloved Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) advised us if you look forward to good things, it will happen Inshaa'Allaah. Thinking positive is a very important element of Islaam. Always think that Allaah [s] has a plan for you, if something goes wrong, it will probably lead you to something good. HE is working things out for you, even if you don't feel it. Have faith and be thankful. Where faith and hope grows, miracles blossoms, Allaah- Akbar!

At first, this kind of thought control may seem like an inner game -- but you'll be surprised at how, slowly but surely, your outer circumstances begin to change.

For thought precedes action, and the right thoughts precede a chain of good actions.

Destructive thoughts, on the other hand, act as poisoning agents. They embitter and limit the thinker, preventing him or her from developing good relationships, because others sense the wrong thoughts telepathically, and shy away instinctively.

Conversely, if you greet people with the thought that they'll probably be nice to know, such a positive thought will affect their response. If you're afraid of someone, replace that fear with a thought which recognises that the person's given potential "core" is probably hidden under layers of unhappiness and wrong thinking. Silently pray for that person, and ask that his or her true self be given a chance to manifest.

A friend was once terribly upset because someone was spreading false rumours about her. She could not deny the rumour publicly. All she could do was:

Pray for the woman;

Try to think about her charitably;

Visualise her acting differently.

She did this consistently for some weeks. One day, unexpectedly, the woman phoned her to apologise and say she'd been mistaken, Subhaan-Allaah! It seemed like a miracle! But right thinking can work miracles... Life has many different chapters for us. One bad chapter doesn't mean the end of the book. Be positive and keep your faith in Allaah. Once we function in harmony with Allaah'S beautiful laws of love and forgiveness -- and this includes spreading good, true and beautiful thoughts -- our lives will flower as they were meant to.

"Think positive, Think different. Don't waste your precious energy on negative thoughts."

Decide that from today, from this very moment, you are leaving negative thinking behind, and starting on the way towards positive thinking and behaviour. It is never too late. Soon your life will turn into a fascinating, wonderful journey. Wake up every morning with the thought that something beautiful is about to happen. Let's welcome each day with a smile and bid farewell with a smile. We thank Allaah for HIS blessings. Take advantage of our positive energy and employ them in doing well in this life. Let's learn, read and after that, we will find the entire universe will extend to us it's heart and the whole world will hug us with its beauty... Subhaan-Allaah!

There is something beautiful in life. You just have to find it....be positive and it will find you!

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Too often we have a negative perception towards people who have some sort of mental or physical disability. We feel sorry for them. It goes to the extent that you may even think that they are not worth giving dawah to, not worth that invitation to Islam. May Allah forgive us all for that. Have we ever considered... maybe its a blessing?

Read what Abu Hafsah Abdul Malik Clare who was born without sight and embraced Islam in 1996 had to say:

I get asked this question in almost every city of every country I've ever been in. "What's it like to be blind?" I never get offended by this question, I think that if I were sighted I would probably ask the same question. My reply is: "I'm not blind, I just can't see." This answer gets a laugh from the crowd and a smile from myself but I've never actually liked that answer, it always sounded like a copout to me.

So, now, I'm going to try my best to answer that question in the best way that I know how. When I wasn't a Muslim, I didn't really think about my not being able to see too much, I just did what ever I wanted. After becoming a Muslim, I started to ponder that question and being asked it countless times I started to think, hmmm, how can I describe being blind? It would be easy to say, it's blackness all the time but I don't like that answer either.

After all, how do I know what blackness looks like. I've never been able to see so I have nothing to compare blackness to. I would describe it this way. Did you ever see an adult cover the eyes of a child when they want the child not to see something that isn't acceptable? Well, that's how I feel.

I feel like ALLAH covered my eyes from something unacceptable. Sometimes, like that small child I may want to struggle against the covering over of my eyes and that's where the patience comes in. There are some things that I'd like to see of course. But, the idea that ALLAH HIMSELF decided to cover my eyes just like the protective adult covering the eyes of a small child fills my heart with an unexplainable joy.

Some people may say: "How can you say that ALLAH loves you when He made you not be able to see?" My reply to them is simple, ALLAH loves me so much that He is shielding and protecting my eyes from seeing the hardships and the suffering of this world. And maybe, just maybe, He wants to be the first one that I am allowed to see. I really love that trade. I don't know if I've answered that question, but I did the best that I could. I hope you can SEE what I'm saying.

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Harithah bin Wahb (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I heard Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) saying, "Shall I not inform you about the people of Jannah? It is every person who is, modest and humble (before Allah), a person who is accounted weak and is looked down upon but if he adjures Allah, Allah will certainly give him what he desires. Now shall I not inform you about the inmates of Hell? It is every violent, impertinent and proud man". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Two different reminders by the Great Scholar of Madinah, the Prophet's City: Ash-Shaykh Al-Mukhtaar Ash-Shanqeetee.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
"Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal-hammi wal-huzni wal-'ajazi

wal-kasli wal-bukhli wal-jubni wa dala'id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijaal."

"O, ALLAAH, I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and being overpowered by men." (Bukhaari)

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The journey of life can be like a roller coaster. We often experience extreme conditions which create despondency and hopelessness. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." (Hadith-Tirmidhi)

We have to try hard to embrace the struggles of life and Trust in Allah. There’s no development without pain. Life's difficulties are necessary for our own development, so when they come along, accept them, embrace them and never ever lose hope and always place complete Reliance and Trust in Allah. Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles; they toughen and make you strong.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for Allah to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. He nevertheless remained hopeful of Allah's help and continued his praying every day.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The "worst" had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief. "Allah, how could this happen to me!" he cried. Early the next day, just before Fajr Salaah (early morning prayer) he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" the man asked the sailors on the ship. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

Allah says: "...Bear with patience whatever befalls you...." (Qur'an 31:17) and: "Be not sad, surely Allah is with us." (Qur'an 9:40)

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because Allah is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Allah Ta’ala says: "Verily, with hardship there is relief." (Qur'an 94:6) and:: "And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him". ( Qur’an 65:3)

Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons... the Grace and Help of Allah!

 

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The Definition of Patience

'Sabr' is an Arabic word which comes from a root meaning to detain, refrain and stop. There is an expression in Arabic, "so-and-so was killed sabran," which means that he was captured and detained until he died.

In the spiritual sense, patience means to stop ourselves from despairing and panicking, to stop our tongues from complaining, and to stop our hands from striking our faces and tearing our clothes at times of grief and stress.

What Scholars have Said about Patience

Some scholars have defined patience as a good human characteristic or a positive psychological attitude, by virtue of which we refrain from doing that which is not good. Human beings cannot live a proper, healthy life without patience.

Abu 'Uthman said:

"The one who has patience is the one who has trained himself to handle difficulties."

'Amr ibn 'Uthman al-Makki said:

"Patience means to keep close to Allah and to accept calmly the trials He sends, without complaining or feeling sad."

Al-Khawwas said:

"Patience means to adhere to the rules of the Qur'an and Sunnah."

Another scholar said:

"Patience means to refrain from complaining."

Ali ibn Abi Talib said:

"Patience means to seek Allah's help."

Is it better to have patience at a time of difficulty, or to be in a situation which does not require patience?

Abu Muhammad al-Hariri said:

"Patience means not seeing any difference between times of ease and times of hardship, and being content at all times."

I (Ibn Al-Qayyim) say:

This is too difficult, and we are not instructed to be like this. Allah has created us in such a way that we feel the difference between times of ease and times of hardship, and all that we can do is refrain from panicking at times of stress. Patience does not mean feeling the same at both easy and difficult times. That is beyond us, and is not part of our nature. Having an easy time is better for us than having a difficult time.

As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said in his well-known supplication: "If You are not angry with me, then I do not care what happens to me, but still I would rather have Your blessings and favour." This does not contradict the hadith which says, "No-one has ever been given a better gift than patience," because that refers to after a test or trial has befallen a person. But ease is still better.

Patience and Shakwah (complaint)

Shakwah (complaint) falls into two categories:

The first type means to complain to Allah, and this does not contradict patience. It is demonstrated by several of the Prophets, for example, when Ya'qub ('alayhis-salaam) said:

"I only complain of my distraction and anguish to Allah." (Yusuf, 12: 86).

Earlier, Ya'qub ('alayhis-salaam) had said "sabrun jameel"which means "patience is most fitting for me."The Qur'an also tells us about Ayyub ('alayhis-salaam):

"And (remember) Ayyub (Job), when he cried to his Lord, 'Truly distress has seized me." (Al-Anbiya 21:83).

The epitome of patience, the Prophet (peace be upon him) prayed to his Lord: "O Allah, I complain to You of my weakness and helplessness."

Musa ('alayhis-salaam) prayed to Allah, saying:

"O Allah, all praise is due to You, and complaint is made only to You, and You are the only One from Whom we seek help and in Whom we put our trust, and there is no power except by Your help."

The second type of complaint involves complaining to people, either directly, through our words, or indirectly, through the way we look and behave. This is contradictory to patience.

Opposing forces

Psychologically speaking, every person has two forces at work within him or her. One is the "driving force", which pushes him towards some actions, and the other is the "restraining force", which holds him back from others. Patience essentially harnesses the driving force to push us towards good things, and the restraining force to hold us back from actions that may be harmful to ourselves or others. Some people have strong patience when it comes to doing what is good for them, but their patience is weak with regard to restraint from harmful actions, so we may find that a person has enough patience to perform acts of worship (e.g. Salaah, Sawm (Fasting), Hajj), but has no patience in controlling himself and refraining from following his whims and desires, and in this way he may commit Haraam (Impermissible) deeds.

Conversely, some people may have strong patience in abstaining from forbidden deeds, but their patience in obeying commandments and performing 'Ibaadah is too weak. Some people have no patience in either case! And, needless to say, the best people are those who possess both types of patience. So, a man may have plenty of patience when it comes to standing all night in prayer, and enduring whatever conditions of heat or cold may be prevalent, but have no patience at all when it comes to lowering his gaze and refraining from looking at women. Another may have no problem in controlling his gaze, but he lacks the patience which would make him enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and he is so weak and helpless that he cannot strive against the Disbelievers and Polytheists.

Most people will be lacking in patience in any one case, and a few lack it in all cases.

Further Definition of Patience

A scholar said:

"To have patience means that one's common sense and religious motives are stronger than one's whims and desires."

It is natural for people to have an inclination towards their own desires, but common sense and religious motive should limit that inclination. The two forces are at war: sometimes reason and religion win, and sometimes whims and desires prevail. The battlefield is the heart of man.

Patience has many other names, according to the situation.

If patience consists of restraining sexual desire, it is called honour, the opposite of which is adultery and promiscuity.

If it consists of controlling one's stomach, it is called self-control, the opposite of which is greed.

If it consists of keeping quiet about that which it is not fit to disclose, it is called discretion, the opposite of which is disclosing secrets, lying, slander or libel.

If it consists of being content with what is sufficient for one's needs, it is called abstemiousness, the opposite of which is covetousness.

If it consists of controlling one's anger, then it is called forbearance, the opposite of which is impulsiveness and hasty reaction.

If it consists of refraining from haste, then it is called gracefulness and steadiness, the opposite of which is to be hot-headed.

If it consists of refraining from running away, then it is called courage, the opposite of which is cowardice.

If it consists of refraining from taking revenge, then it is called forgiveness, the opposite of which is revenge.

If it consists of refraining from being stingy, then it is called generosity, the opposite of which is miserliness.

If it consists of refraining from being lazy and helpless, then it is called dynamism and initiative.

If it consists of refraining from blaming and accusing other people, then it is called chivalry {muroo'ah literally "manliness").

Different names may be applied to patience in different situations, but all are covered by the idea of patience.

This shows that Islam in its totality is based on patience.

 

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"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return." They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones." [Noble Quran 2:155-157]

Every Believer Will Be Tested

It is clear that this life is filled with calamites, tests and trials. Every believer will be subjected to many of these calamities, tests and trials. Sometimes these trials are manifested in himself, sometimes in his wealth, and sometimes with his beloved ones. These preordainments are from the One who is All-Wise and they touch the believer in various ways and manners. If a believer does not have the correct understanding regarding the manner of dealing with trials and tribulations he may err seriously. This is especially true when facing difficult and burdensome calamities.

Many people are ignorant of the wisdom behind facing trials and tests. They may not understand that Allah does not intend to punish us through tests; rather Allah creates an opportunity to earn His Mercy. The believer should look at the matter of Ibtilaa' (being put to tests) and trials through the textual proofs from the Quran and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), in order to stand firmly grounded regarding these matters.

Yes, it is a test and a trial. Every day we are tested in this life.

Our wealth is a test; the spouse is a test; the children are tests; poverty, wealth, and richness are tests and health and illness are tests. We are tested in everything which we possess and encounter in this life and until we meet Allah the Most High. Allah says:

"Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned." [Noble Quran 21:35]

And Allah said: "Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test)." [Noble Quran 29:2-3]

Therefore both the healthy and the ill are tested. The one who was healthy did not know until he was touched by a trial, and the one who was ill did not feel that he was being tested until he was cured. No one is safe from this due to his prestige or his status. This does not prevent the matter of testing as we remember from the authentic Hadith, where the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"The most intense in terms of testing are the prophets and then the like and then the like." [Bukhari]

Amongst us there is no one who possesses the ability to reject tests. The faithful, patient, persevering individuals, who anticipate their reward from Allah are the successful ones amongst the tested. Also from amongst us are those who are tested but they fail due to their weak faith and their objection to Allah; we seek refuge in Allah from such a state.

May Allah's Mercy be upon Al-Fudhayl bin 'Iyadh who said,

"As long as the people are in a state of good welfare, once tested, they will return to their realities. The believer will go to his faith and the hypocrite will go to his hypocrisy."

Everything Has Been Preordained

Allah preordained everything for us including our sustenance and our life spans. Allah says:

"...It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world..." [Noble Quran 43:32]

Our sustenance and livelihood are preordained with clear and certain measures. Illness is preordained, one's welfare is preordained; everything in this life is preordained. So a person should accept what Allah has preordained for him and should not hate, dislike or feel discomfort regarding the preordainments of the Almighty and All-Wise. On understanding that a certain test is a part of the decree of Allah, one should submit his affair to Allah and know that whatever befalls him could not have missed him and whatever misses him could not have befallen him.

How The Believer Deals With Tests & Trials

Whosoever wants their life be monotonic (always according to his wishes and without trials), it is as if he wants the pre-decree of Allah to be in accordance with his desires. This is wishful thinking. No matter what pre-ordinance or test occurs it a matter that is good for the believer. However, this is conditional upon the believer's gratefulness to Allah for His favors and his being patient during times of trial.

It is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Amazing is the affair of the believer. His affair for him is all good, and this is for none except the believer. If he is touched by something good and he gives thanks, then it is good for him. And if he is touched by a calamity or hardship and he is patient then this is good for him." [Sahih Muslim]

Allah said: "...it may be that you dislike a thing through which Allah brings a great deal of good." [Noble Quran 4:19]

"...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." [Noble Quran 2:216]

One should recognize that Allah is the One who tests him and also the One who bestows favors upon him. He should also know that not all that he dislikes is to be disliked in reality, and likewise, not everything which he desires is in reality beneficial for him. "Allah knows and you do not know".

Some of the Salaf said:

"If you are afflicted by a calamity and you are a patient, then your calamity is one. But if you are not patient, then your calamity is doubled - losing the reward and losing the beloved one, the Hereafter (Paradise)."

This saying of some of the Salaf is in relation to what Allah Almighty says:

"And among mankind is he who worships Allah as it were upon the edge (i.e. in doubt): if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter. That is the evident loss." [Noble Quran 22:11]

The Reward Associated With Tests & Trials

Certainly being tested is a station for a while (i.e. it is temporary). It erases the sins just as the leaves fall from a tree, as mentioned in the Ahadith by Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." [Bukhaari and Muslim]

Abu Hurairah also narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." [Bukhaari]

In a Hadith narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar he said, "I visited the Prophet during his ailments and he was suffering from a high fever. I said, "You have a high fever. Is it because you will have a double reward for it?" He said, "Yes, for no Muslim is afflicted with any harm except that Allah will remove his sins as the leaves fall from a tree." [Bukhaari]

Hence, the reward is affirmed regarding every type of harm or hurt, tangible or intangible, if the believer patiently perseveres and anticipates the reward. As Anas bin Malik reported: I heard Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) saying,

"Allah said, 'If I deprive my slave of his two beloved things (i.e. his eyes) and he remains patient, I will let him enter Paradise in compensation for them.'" [Bukhari]

Tests and trials are a means to removing sins (from the believers) and all the children of Adam commit sins. Tests and trials may also raise one's degree enabling one to move on to a higher level in Paradise as in the Hadith where Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"When the child of a person dies, Allah says to His angels: 'You have taken the soul of the child of My slave?' They say: 'Yes.' He says: 'You took the fruit of his heart.' They (the angels) say, 'Yes.' Then Allah says, 'What did My slave say (upon that)?' They say, 'He praised you and made Istirja' (meaning he said, Innaa Lillahi Wa Innaa Ilayhi Raji'un' - To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return). So Allah says, 'Build for My slave a house in Paradise and name it The House of Praise." [Bukhaari]

In another Hadith: "Any Muslim who is hurt by a thorn or greater than that, Allah will remove a sin from him and elevates him a degree (raise his status) because of that." [Sahih Muslim]

So (he is raised) degree above degrees, until he reaches his final degree in Paradise which comes due to his patience and above that, due to the Favor of Allah, as He says:

"Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning." [Noble Quran 39:10]

Thus calamities, trials and tests are signs of love from Allah for the believers. They are comparable to a cure; although it may be bitter, you accept it because it is from the one whom you love, and to Allah belongs the best example. As comes in the Hadith, the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"The magnitude of the reward is proportional to the magnitude of the affliction. When Allah loves some people, He tests them. He who is content (with Allah's decree) will receive the Pleasure (of Allah); and he who is discontent will attain the wrath (of Allah)." [Ath-Tirmidhi and Sheikh Al-Albani graded it Sahih]

Imam ibn Al Qayyim said:

The Ibtilaa' (testing) of the believer is like medicine for him. It cures him from illness. Had the illness remained it would destroy him or diminish his reward and level (in the hereafter). The tests and the trials extract these illnesses from him and prepare him for the perfect reward and the highest of degrees (in the life to come)."

Certainly the affliction of tests and trials is better to the believer than the punishment of the hereafter. Certainly it is a cause for the elevation of one's rank and expiation for his sins, and therefore it is better.

In the Hadith, Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If Allah intends good for the Believer, He hastens his punishment in this life and if He intends otherwise, He withholds his punishment for his sin until he re-compensates him for it on the Day of Resurrection." [Ath-Tirmidhi and Sheikh Al-Albani authenticated it]

The People of Knowledge made it clear that this is in reference to the one who is a hypocrite. Allah withholds the punishment from him in this life to give him his full account on the Day of Resurrection, and we seek refuge in Allah from such.

 

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O one bound in fetters of steel,

Trust me, I know how you feel.

 

When that door slams shut at night,

The reality begins to bite.

 

You alone with your thoughts.

Hopes and fears of all sorts.

 

What will arrive tomorrow?

Some good news or just more sorrow?

 

Know, my friend, that every ocean has a shore.

And every hardship has a door.

 

Every desert has springs.

And every caged bird has wings.

 

So hold your head high and smile.

For perhaps you are on the final mile.

 

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Science lecturer Najma Yasmin Gani from South London passed away at the age of 34 on 10 March 2012 after a six-year battle with leukaemia (blood cancer). Babar Ahmad writes about the correspondence he exchanged with her from prison during the final months of her life.

The first letter I received from Najma was in October 2010. Enclosed with the letter was some money and words of encouragement for me. At the end of her letter were a couple of lines requesting that I pray for her, since she was in the final stages of acute myeloid leukaemia.

I wrote back to Najma thereby starting a cycle of correspondence that was to last until shortly before her death. Sometimes she would reply promptly; at other times she would reply after several weeks apologising for the delay due to her being in hospital. She told me the story of her battle against leukaemia since February 2006, describing in detail the types of treatment she was undergoing. One thing that struck me about her letters was the matter-of-fact, at times even humorous, way in which she would describe horrendously painful medical procedures.

Recounting a four-month course of arsenic chemotherapy whose "side- effects are worse than the actual cancer, " she wrote,

"Due to the known damage arsenic has on the heart, I spent a lot of time on the Intensive Care Unit and Cardiac Care Unit ... The heavy-metal constitution of arsenic meant that lumps of it, painful hard lumps, accumulated on my skin which had to be surgically cut away."

She went on to detail her past week of treatment involving six-inch needles into her pelvic bone and bone marrow, three intravenous lines in her hand,

"the removal of my Hickman line (attached to my jugular vein, requiring seven stitches and a lumbar puncture - spinal cord injection), " and daily blood tests. At the end of this passage she wrote, "I am still smiling though."

Despite all these medical procedures, her letters would be full of concern for other people. She would tell me about her work with Desidonors.org, a charity seeking bone marrow donors for sick children in the Asian community. I was particularly touched by the story of Amun Ali, a cute and chubby 10-year old boy from Birmingham with a bone marrow disorder that had already claimed the life of his 4-year old brother. I would ask Najma for regular updates on his situation. On 19 June 2011 Najma replied,

“Before I update you about my health, let me inform you that Amun Ali passed away in March this year. We found a bone marrow donor for him. However, the entire process is very aggressive and his young body couldn’t it...Truly devastating for all of us.”

Her concern for others began with her own parents before anyone else, especially her mother. She wrote,

"But perhaps the worst thing about my cancer is the effect it has on my parents. I don't know what it feels like to be a parent, so cannot fathom how my mother stops her own life just to put some comfort into mine ... She has never left my side since the first day I was diagnosed ... She is so firmly committed to my care, she never stops smiling and praying for me every time I catch a glimpse of her. Parents are such a mercy, even at my age I need her. I feel so humble as I promised I would always look after her, and be there for her, but it seems to be the other way round.”

Every now and then, however, Najma would reveal the true extent of what she was going through:

“I’m tired and exhausted and in pain most days ... My dreams are a respite from the painful, invasive, draining and toxic treatment I have to endure daily... Sadly my bones remain in agony and I refuse morphine simply because I feel numb and emotional ... I have had a 6-inch needle into my spinal cord. It really hurts, in fact it burns. It's a level of pain I never knew existed ... I don't know why I am still alive...”

Najma's unshakeable faith in God and the After-life is what fuelled her determination to bear her ordeal with dignity:

“I know my Creator is a Merciful One and I know I shall be rewarded for my struggles and that fact alone makes my journey bearable ... When I think of Allah's love, it makes some of this pain bearable... In the blood cancer unit, I see tragedy, pain, helplessness and misery most of the time. But there is something very special about believers: they never complain, not to others anyway. Their resolve comes from knowing that we shall only be transient in this world ... And Allah knows best. "

Najma's last letter to me was written on 20 November 2011, from her hospital bed, where she had been for several weeks by then. Unlike all her previous letters, this one was written in poor handwriting with disjointed line structure.

"I wrote this letter from my room in the ward. I can barely lift my head up; it might even be incoherent... The chemotherapy has damaged my eyes so I can barely see on some days ... I am still vomiting from the chemotherapy and most of my hair has fallen out ... "

Despite her condition she still enclosed some money for me and went on to congratulate me for receiving 140,000 signatures in the e-petition campaign:

"We are all praying for relief from your hardship. Nothing can remain the same. Things will change. "

She continued,

"Sickness teaches you so much: humility, mercy, obedience, the list is endless... Patience is a hard lesson, but very beneficial indeed. I was always impatient and in a hurry, rushing around wasting my life away until sickness entered my life and I was forced to reflect ... Some days I think I won't make it through but those days are the ones that I forget that Allah has already written it down for me ..."

During Najma's final weeks and days my family visited her in hospital many times. As her condition deteriorated I sent her one final card in which I encouraged her to look forward to the reward that God had prepared for her in Paradise. My mother told me that Najma spent a long time reading and re-reading the card.

The next day, on 05 March 2012, she was taken to the Intensive Care Unit and she passed away a few days later, on the Saturday afternoon of 10 March 2012. All those present testified to the look of extreme peace and serenity on her face after she died. After a funeral attended by hundreds of people, she was buried in the Gardens of Peace cemetery in Ilford, Essex. May God have mercy on her and reward her for her patience through suffering.

I have learnt from my journey through life that there is rich inspiration to be gained by sharing the living moments of those who, for whatever reason, have been deprived of life. Whenever I have met cancer sufferers, the crippled, prisoners in indefinite detention, the blind and the dying, I have seen them attach a value to life, people and friendship that is unseen in others. To pass objective judgement on something, one must be external to it. Since they live in the twilight between life and death, they are able to see life for what it really is. They value every second of their existence and the people around them because they know that everything in life is temporary. In doing so, they increase the value of their own lives and the lives of those whom they touch.

The name 'Najma' in Arabic means 'star'. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) once said that one of the reasons God created the stars was to act as beacons for those who want to find their way. Najma's life was a beacon to any of us who have lost our way. Her life (and death) was the inspiration to many people, most of whom had never met her, even though she never realised it.

Through her six years of hell, Najma taught us how to be pleased with God's destiny and how to confront hardships with dignified patience. She taught us how to cherish everything you have and how to value people because you don't know how long you will be with them. She taught us how to smile in the face of suffering and how reaching out and helping others in pain can relieve our own pain. Through her life, Najma taught us how to die. And through her death, she taught us how to live.

 

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Yahya ibn Mu’adh was once asked, ‘When does a slave reach the ranks of Ridha (being pleased with Allah)?’ He said:

“When he acts upon 4 principles with which he deals with his Lord: That he says: ‘(O Allah), if You give me, I shall accept and if You prevent me, then I shall be content. If You were to leave me, I shall still worship You, and were to call me I shall indeed answer.” [Hilyat al-Awliya']

Being pleased with Allah `azza wa jall no matter what happens is from the greatest signs that a believer is a sincere and strong believer. It shows caliber, truthfulness and integrity in one’s practise of Islam. As human beings, we’re bound to go through ups and downs in life, we’re tested with many things – sometimes the test is easy but sometimes it’s difficult and will knock you down unsuspectingly – but this is not the key issue in our lives. Trials & tribulations, ups & downs, good & bad times etc, are all from the Sunan of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala that every living thing will experience in their lifespan. But the crucial matter at hand is how we deal and cope with these issues.

It might be the case that a few years ago, you used to be a very strong Muslim, steadfast in your faith, consistent in your ‘Ibadah (worship in all its forms) and being very active in general. Throughout the years however, you notice that things are not the same anymore, you’re slacking, you no longer have that zeal to learn, to develop and progress in your Deen, and your worship is minimal at it’s best – no Sunnah prayers, no extra fasts, no Qiyaam and definitely no sadaqah, what with all the credit crunch crunching right through your pocket!. When bad times hit you, you fall into some type of depression, unable to lift your chin, breathe in the air and say with a smile and fresh contentment, ‘Alhamdulillah `ala kulli hal’ (praising Allah for every circumstance).

Why? What’s changed?

It could be many reasons; it could be a personal thing for you. But at its root, undeniably, it’s to do with tarbiyyah – were you built up enough to endure those years? Were you strong enough from the beginning such that any problem you faced only made you stronger? Did you have the right self-tarbiyyah in the first place?

What Mu’adh ibn Jabal described above is a person who has trained themselves upon the principles of Islam… someone who has gone through effective tarbiyyah and who has really benefited from their knowledge and practise of Islam. It has penetrated them such that no matter what happens, they see beyond that matter and focus on Allah `azza wa jall Himself, since He is the Controller of all things, the Sustainer, the One to Who they’re returning to – and this is an incredible source of strength for the ‘Abd: when he turns to his Master and Keeper.

So, let us try to understand our affairs and be happy regardless of what situations we find ourselves in. If it’s good, then be thankful and if it’s not what you expected, then be patient and still be thankful because at the end of the day, it’s not about the issues you face… rather what’s being recorded in your book is how you deal with them and the deeds you subsequently do.

Really, brothers and sisters, I can’t stress how important tarbiyyah is in the life of a Muslim, or indeed in the life of any human being. Tarbiyyah is something which sees us through many things on a daily basis, it affects the way we worship Allah `azza wa jall and work Him in our lives, the way we deal with others, the way we conduct ourselves, the way we cope with the distresses of life, how we run our families, communities and how we perform as individuals in general. If we lack the solid, inside-out type of tarbiyyah, then throughout our lives, we’ll suffer one loss after another. We’ll see a downward spiral in our Deen and we’ll see little to no change in progress or development in our lives- in fact, it leaves us as stagnant beings and leads to our detriment.

A statement of Shaykh Ahmad Farid:

‘Al-Tarbiyyah al-Imaniyyah (training and developing oneself Islamically and internally) is a part of the tarbiyyah which a Muslim needs to take on in order to become a firm brick in the lofty castle of Islam. It is also a part of the tarbiyyah which is required to raise a generation upon the mode and manner of the first generation through whom Allah `azza wa jall permitted the conquest of lands, opened the hearts of slaves and they gave Islam strength and victory for many centuries to come…’

Without tarbiyyah, there’s not much you can do or maintain in your life.

Wa billahi-tawfiq

 

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Allah (Almighty) says in Surah al-Faatihah (1:6-7): “Guide us to the Straight Path. The Path of those whom You have blessed…”

Every day, at least 17 times, every Muslim invokes Allah to guide him or her to the Straight Path. What is the Straight Path? Allah tells us in the next verse that it is the Path of those whom He has blessed. Who are the ones whom Allah has blessed? The scholars of tafseer said that the answer to this question lies in Surah An-Nisa (4:69):

“And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) shall be with those WHOM ALLAH HAS BLESSED: the Prophets, the Truthful ones, the Martyrs and the Righteous. And what an excellent fellowship are they.”

Therefore, the pre-condition for being a member of this elite group is obedience to Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). But what happens in a world when everyone claims to obey Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him)- how does one ascertain whether or not one is on the Straight Path? The following example illustrates the answer to this dilemma.

Imagine a man sets out on a journey to a particular destination and follows a particular path. Then another man wants to reach the same destination and so he tries to follow the same path as the first man. How do we know if the second man took the same path as the first? We compare what they experienced on their respective journeys. Therefore, if the first man saw a particular stream, a particular rock, a particular tree, etc. and then the second man saw those same landmarks, we can say that they most probably followed the same path. However, if the second man did not see any of these milestones, or the things he saw differed from what the first man saw, then we can say that something went wrong.

If we look at the lives of the Prophets ('alayhimus-salaam) who are the first group whom Allah has blessed, and then we look at the Prophet (peace be upon him), then the Companions (peace be upon him), then those who followed them, then the famous classical scholars, all the way until today, what do we find? What is common to all of the above? Prophet Nuh ('alayhis-salaam) was ridiculed. Prophet Ibrahim ('alayhis-salaam) was thrown in the fire following which he had to leave his wife and son in the barren valley of Makkah. Musa ('alayhis-salaam) fled from Firoun and lived a life in exile for many years. Prophet Yusuf ('alayhis-salaam) was imprisoned unjustly for seven years. They tried to crucify Isa ('alayhis-salaam). The Prophet (peace be upon him) was abused, assaulted, evicted from his homeland, etc., etc. We know from the Qur'an that some Prophets were even killed by their followers. These people are the most beloved to Allah. If there were anything bad, shameful or dishonourable about these trials, then Allah would not have allowed them to happen to the best of His Creation.

Likewise, if we look at some of the Companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abu Bakr and Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) beaten physically; Bilal, Khabbab, Yasir, Sumayyah and Ammar (may Allah be pleased with him) tortured; Khubaib executed, etc. This means that the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) were following the same path as the Prophet (peace be upon him) because they experienced the same things. In the same way, we find the early scholars: Abu Haneefah imprisoned, Imam Malik tortured and ridiculed, Imam Shafi kicked out, Imam Ahmad imprisoned and publicly lashed. This means that these scholars were also following the same path as the Prophets (peace be upon him) because they experienced the same things.

Therefore, if you are seeing the same scenery, milestones and landmarks as they saw, then that means that you are also on the same path inshaa'Allah. And being on the same path means that you will reach the same destination, inshaa'Allah.

"O you who believe! If you help (in the cause of) Allah, He will help you, and make your foothold firm." (Surah 47:7)

 

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Allah Almighty said in the Quran (2:260): 

“And when Ibrahim (alayhis salaam) said: ‘My Lord!

Show me how you give life to the dead.’

He said: ‘Do you not believe (that I can do that)?'

He replied: ‘Certainly, but just to bring satisfaction to my heart…’”

The rest of the verse describes how Allah Almighty showed him a sign and brought peace to his heart something that Ibrahim ('alayhis-salaam) already believed in. Sometimes you will feel like asking Allah ('azza wa jall) to show you a sign, just to reassure you that you are on the Truth and that Allah is on your side. If, at any one time you feel like that, make wudhoo', pray two rak'ahs and ask Allah to show you a sign. Then look out of the window towards the sky. One brother describes his thoughts when he did that:

“I asked Allah to show me a sign, on one of the days when I was feeling a bit low, and then looked out of the window at the sky. I was admiring Allah’s Creation, when suddenly I saw a huge, dark cloud approaching the prison. It was massive and looked terrifying- it came and overshadowed the prison. However, as slowly as it came, it drifted away and the shadow disappeared. I thought to myself that this is Allah telling me that no matter how bad your situation is, or how big you problem is, or how terrifying your circumstances are, there will be relief. Just like the terrifying cloud did not overshadow the prison forever, similarly every bad situation will not last forever: there will be relied after every difficulty, as Allah said in the Quran (94:5-6): “So indeed with hardship there comes ease. Indeed with hardship there comes ease.”

One hardship cannot overcome two eases. No matter how long the night is, there will always be a dawn at the end of it.

And the dawn always appears after the darkest part of the night.

 

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The happiest people to have ever lived on the face of the Earth were the Prophets. This is in spite of the fact that they suffered more than anyone else. For, they had to endure severe persecution in delivering the message that Allaah had entrusted them with. Beyond that, they were subjected to the same difficulties that all other human beings suffer from, such as illness, poverty, hunger, and thirst... and more often to a greater degree than usual.

Once, Muhammad (sallallaahu `alayhi wa-sallam) suffered from a bad fever so much so that his forehead was drenched with sweat and he was suffering greatly. One of his Companions then said to him: “You are suffering from quite a severe illness.”

The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wa-sallam) replied: “Yes. I must endure double of the severity of illness from the illnesses that you must endure.” [Musnad Ahmad]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also suffered from starvation. Once, during the days of persecution, the Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wa-sallam) came out from his home and found Aboo Bakr and `Umar (radhiyallaahu anhum) outside. He asked them: “What brings you out at this hour?” They told him that it was hunger which brought them out. The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wa-sallam) then said: “By Allaah, the same thing that has brought you out of your homes has brought me out as well.”

At certain points in his life, such as during the Battle of the Trench, the Prophet faced such severe hunger that he had to tie two stones to his stomach just to try and relieve some of the pain.

The Prophets all had to endure such persecution by their people because of the message Allaah sent them with. However, The Prophets’ hearts were strong. Moreover, they remained open-hearted and magnanimous to the people and persevered until their defeats turned into victories.

The beauty of their lives is startling. In spite of what they had to endure, they knew more happiness and contentment than many people alive today. This can be seen in how they behaved and how they responded to what they encountered in life.

We see this extraordinary contentment in the life of Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu `alayhi wa-sallam) most clearly when he faced the greatest of difficulties. For instance, once he went to spread the message of Islaam to the people of Taa’if. They not only rejected his call, but ordered the children and ruffians of the town to drive him away by pelting stones at him. He was able to escape from the city, although his shoes were soaking with blood, and his body was covered in both blood and dirt. Once he was safely away from the city, he raised his voice to Allah in supplication:

"O Allaah! I complain to You of my weakness, my lack of resources, and my weakness before the people. O Most Merciful of those who are merciful! O Lord of the weak and my Lord too! To whom have you entrusted me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair?

So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favor is of a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Countenance by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descends upon me. I desire Your pleasure and satisfaction until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except with You."

True faith in Allaah is what brings this kind of contentment and happiness to the heart. But it must be remembered that this does not necessitate that life for the believer will be free from all hardships.

For, when we speak of the passage of time -- when we speak of weeks, months, years , and ages -- we are speaking about life. The dead do not experience time; centuries pass by and they are heedless of it all. Allaah has made this life a trial for the living. Allaah Almighty says:

“He who created death and life to test which of you would be best in deeds.” [Soorah al-Mulk: 2]

Life is a test for believers and unbelievers alike. It is a test for sinners as well as for the virtuous. Everyone is being tested as long as they are alive.

But Allaah did not leave us in this world on our own. He sent the Prophets and the scriptures for us, to illuminate our way through the passage of this life. This guidance is not only to show us how to attain happiness in the Hereafter, but it is also for this life. Many people think religion is only about the Hereafter and that its benefit is limited to the next life. The truth is that just like religion shows us the way to attain Allaah’s pleasure and the reward of Paradise, it is the way by which a believer realizes true contentment and a happy heart in this world as well. True happiness can only come from faith and knowledge of Allaah.

Allaah says:

“Is one whose heart Allaah has opened to Islaam, so that it has enlightenment from Allaah (no better than one who is hard-hearted)? Woe to those whose hearts are hardened against remembering Allaah!” [Soorah az-Zumar: 22]

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Ever get the timing all wrong and express your feelings, only to receive a really negative reception? How about when it seems to get worse and worse, whether you stay quiet or try to speak?

Basically, shaytaan has set up a big fairground, with his army of shayaateen running the rides, between you and that person. Be it your husband, friend, relative, or employer, nothing can get through to them without going through the fairground of fitnah and that rotten devil's interference.

These are times when, although you desperately want to communicate and try to garner understanding and positivity, you will not succeed. These are times when you have to hold on to your hijab (or perhaps kufi, LOL) and bide your time. Believe me, I'm writing this because I need to take my own advice, LOL.

You may write down your feelings, get into details about your perspective, and even try to make an objective list of pros and cons... or 70 excuses. However, instead of handing them over or pressing send on the e-mail, pray 2 rakah and sit down with that list and pour it out to The Therapist. Take it to Allah. Just doing that will ease your heart and mind. It also puts the whole situation over to the Only One Who has any control over it and any power to change it for the good.

Allah will not change your situation if you think you can handle it yourself...and wouldn't that be idiotic thinking anyway?

Allah says: “Call upon Me. I will answer you.” [Sûrah Ghâfir: 60]

So, call upon Him and let Him resolve the situation in the most perfect way; in a way you would never be able to in your lifetime. Don't delay in turning to Him, so He doesn't delay in answering...and remember, holding on to your hijab drives shaytaan crazy. Allah is with the patient...and shaytaan has to run. By the time you've handed it over to Allah and exercised patience, shaytaan will have been forced to pack up and take his fairground somewhere else.

 

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A reader asked for my take on how to you rebuild trust after repeated betrayals, so here it is - my own personal view.

When you have someone in your life that hurts you, commits indiscretions, or outright sins, and you come to a stage where you cannot trust them, don't. Not trusting someone doesn't mean you cannot live with them, enjoy time with them, love them. It simply means that you know certain of their weaknesses and cannot rely on them to overcome them. It does not mean that you don't encourage them or support them to overcome those weaknesses though. It doesn't mean that you give up hope and dua' for them, either.

There is a saying, expect nothing then everything will either meet or exceed your expectations. With our loved ones we don't want to think badly of them or expect them to do wrong, but getting over their betrayal lies in accepting their humanity and failings. Pray to Allah to keep bad feeling from your heart and replace it with understanding, mercy, and forgiveness. If you want or need to feel some kind of trust in that person, consider areas that they have always been consistent in and focus on them. However, there is no point setting yourself up for continuous disappointment or hurt by trusting them in the things they cannot be trusted with, when they haven't conquered their qareen/shayateen/nafs.

An example I can give is in raising children. You may have a child who tells lies. You may remind the child that this is wrong and even negatively reinforce the behavior (in other words punish them). You hope that the child learns and doesn't lie again. However, knowing the child's character, will you be surprised if the child lies again? Disappointed, probably but surprised, no. You know that lying is the child's weakness. There is, in my estimation, little or no difference with a spouse, parent, or friend. If one day you find that five years have passed and the child hasn't lied, perhaps you will find that over that time your trust in them has grown. It isn't something that needs work, it is something that happens naturally when there are no repeat offenses or they become very few and far between.

This is the direct opposite of what we are supposed to do with Allah, from Whom we expect the best because He is Perfection. My view is very simple: trust only Allah completely, not mere humans.